Sometimes it's just so hard....

I need to write to clear my head right now.  This is my method of dealing with stress.  Sometimes doing what you know you are supposed to do, no matter who it hurts, no matter the negative consequences, no matter who thinks you made the biggest mistake ever, no matter the backlash, is the hardest thing in the world to do.

For several months, almost  a year, I have been considering moving a class I want to develop into the spot of another trainers class at my fitness studio.  There is no "good way" to do it.  The trainers that work for me are great.  But, I needed to make this change.

The individual I chose to replace I have wanted to include in other ways in other Phazes programs, but I just could not figure out how to make it all work.  So I let her go and replaced her with my dream.

Was it the right thing, or the wrong thing to do?

I probably did it the wrong way. I KNOW my timing sucked.  I am sure my method sucked eggs.  I texted her.  Yuck.

I hate me sometimes.

I couldn't do face to face or over the phone.  I was too nervous and I knew I had to do it right away to give her time to make adjustments quickly in her life as needed.

Sure enough.  backlash, I knew would happen is happening.

I will lose clients.  I may have lost friends.  I hurt.   I may have hurt her.  I was supposed to be a friend and I wasn't.  ugh.

And yet... I still know this is the path I have to take.  I have known it for a long time and have tried to avoid it in so many other ways.  I have to move forward, with or without friends.  With or without support from people I hoped would understand.

I can build a business.  I can do sales calls.  I can do hard things.  This is my new challenge I have to stand up to.

On a brighter side... I am excited to show this new format to my idea and get my classes built up again after the initial shock of losing the other trainer.  I know people will follow her wherever she goes.  I've always known that.  I know people will talk about why THEY THINK I let her go.  There will be harsh rumors about it.  I've had worse things said about me that were not true.  There will be a lot of assumptions.  Bring it.

"You can't hold out for universal popularity" - Dumbledore

Chin up.  Moving forward with my goals....
I was about to apologize for my plans that conflict with others lives.  I shouldn't have to.

I am glad I still have great friends that hold me up when I need support.  This is a rough thing.  It is NOT the hardest thing I have had to do, but it is hard, nonetheless.  I did shed tears over it.  because I do care, but I have to appear professional and not emotional.  I get attached to people and have difficulty putting my goals and business first. I actually did that this time.  It hurt like hell.  I hope I can heal quickly.  I need to surround myself with good people that can see my vision.

I need some Yoga and deep breathing right now....  ohhhhmmmmm.....

Good thing we are having a dance Party and yoga afterward for FHE.  I REALLY need it.