I finally figured it out!

I have weird guilt pangs on Mother's day sometimes.  You see... I am not the sterotypical mom that stays home and bakes goodies and has a clean home.  I work long hours and when I come home we quickly throw some food together, do a fast 15 minute tidy of the house and I might take a nap. and then go to work again.  I crash after a long day at work around 10pm and I wake up at 5am.  so... yeah... I work hard but not too hard in the house.  I often feel guilty about it but I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now.  I know there are a lot of things for me to get better at and figure out.  But this is my life as it currently is.
 
Last Sunday as I was in church with my family some of the speakers were discussing memories of their moms (It was Mother's day).  Memories of coming home to an immaculate house with cookies or pies or cakes in the oven.  and so on...   I wondered - what will my kids memories of me be?  What will they think of me?  Am I a failure as a mother that my kids won't have memories of me baking in the kitchen? 
A few weeks ago we were volunteering as a family at the Ironman this week it's the Relay for Life.  It seems like we are always involved in events in the community.  It's what I love to do.
Last night I set up a tent at the Relay for Life and I played with my kids all night.  My 2 little boys were playing hard and running all over the place.  My daughter was talking with a friend and having a great time walking around the track for a good cause.  At night when I finally found a moment to lay down in the tent next to my little ones sound asleep and wrapped more blankets over them, I put my arm around one of my kids and I thought to myself "I hope this is the memory my kids have of me.  That we did things together.  I hope they don't feel deprived of a mother that bakes.  I hope they know I love them because of what we go do."  

This activity and this way of me being me doesn't make me better or worse than any other mother and the way they do things.  It was just nice to come to a realization that I was OK.  That I was good enough and doing a good job.  I kissed my 4 year old on the cheek before I drifted off and said "I love you Ferrell"  He grinned and whispered "I love you most mom."  "I thought you were asleep."  "nope I'm not tired" (he says with his eyes closed as he snuggled his teddy bear).  "Did you have a good day kiddo?"  "yup... I was in a race mom.  It was awesome." And he closed his eyes again and went back to sleep.

That was the cake I just baked for my kids.