UPS Saga Acts 1-4

I have always considered myself a very mellow laid back kind of person. I am truly a pacifist. I avoid all kinds of confrontation.
I was the mellow wanna be surfer chick that when I was threatened by someone I annoyed in High School, I was the one that said "dude, so sorry to be bugging you so bad." and I walk away.

Another person that wanted to beat me up because I was dating her ex-boyfriend got in my face to tell me how stupid I was for dating this guy and she told me later (after we became friends) that her purpose was to have a smack down with me that day during lunch. My response to her during that lunch break confrontation was "Dude, I know what you mean, I plan on breaking up with him soon anyway. You're right, he is a loser."
(notice those both started with "Dude"). well, that would be me normally - super mellow.

Yesterday was different
I had a bad yelling match with my UPS driver. - totally out of character for me. whatever happened to that mellow wanna be surfer chick from high school? maybe I moved too far away from the ocean? who knows?

so now you want the story right?
Okay so the other day I get this notice in the mail from UPS that says a package had been attempted to be delivered to me 3 times and now it was being returned to sender (actually it said it would be held in the office for a few days and if I responded before said date I could get it. But I didn't check my mail soon enough and missed that cut off date).
Well, there had never been a note on my door - EVER. So I was confused. I had no idea who the delivery was from since it had been sent from a UPS store in southern California and it had been sent back to them.

right, well I had no idea what to do. I though maybe the shipper would get it back and try to ship it again.

a week later my sister calls and asks why I was stupid enough to send the camera she sent me back to her. (nice $200 camera I am paying her $25 for - yeah, not wanting to send it back thank you). She thinks I am an idiot and says she is going to leave it at the UPS store and not pay for it to be shipped again and UPS needs to pay for it.

So... Now I know what it was, I know I want it and I am curious what the heck happened to those delivery notices I was supposed to get.

In mine and Bill's businesses we get deliveries at least 2 or 3 times a week. SO I had seen my UPS guy MANY times since he had claimed a delivery attempt and he never had mentioned anything to me about any problems about a delivery.

Yesterday the UPS guy shows up with a delivery at my door and I very calmly ask (in my most nicest and mellow voice)
" hey there, I was wondering if you knew anything about a package that was returned to sender that I received a notice in mail about?"

UPS guy (now referred to as "U"): (loud and irritated) I TRIED 3 TIMES TO GET THAT TO YOU, BUT YOUR KIDS ANSWERED THE DOOR AND COULDN'T FIND YOU!

Me: (still mostly mellow) did you leave a note for me?

U: I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE A NOTE WHEN I TALK TO A PERSON!

Me: (getting a little upset) Did you speak to an adult?

U: I DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK TO AN ADULT! I SPOKE TO YOUR KIDS!

ME: YOU NEED TO TALK TO AN ADULT OR LEAVE A NOTE! DID YOU DO EITHER ONE?

U: YOUR KIDS ANSWERED THE DOOR AND I STOOD HERE FOREVER WAITING FOR YOU AND YOU NEVER SHOWED UP!

ME: BUT DID YOU LEAVE A NOTE? (the neighbor kids are walking me by and watching me yell at this man)

U: YOUR KIDS ANSWERED THE DOOR i DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE A NOTE!

ME: AND ANOTHER THING, YOU HAVE DELIVERED MULTIPLE PACKAGES TO MY DOOR SINCE THAT DELIVERY ATTEMPT AND NEVER ONCE INFORMED ME ABOUT THE PROBLEM WITH MY KIDS ANSWERING THE DOOR! i HAVE SEEN YOU FACE TO FACE, SEVERAL TIMES! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING! MY KIDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EVEN ANSWER THE DOOR AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE A NOTE WHEN YOU ATTEMPT DELIVERY!

U: (again he insists as he heads back to his truck) I INFORMED YOUR KIDS ABOUT THE DELIVERY ATTEMPT! tHIS ISN'T EVEN MY REGULAR ROUTE! AND I EVEN CAME BACK TWICE IN ONCE DAY (yada yada yada...)

ME: (yelling at him as he get in his truck and over the nonsence he was spewing) i WILL BE FILING A FORMAL COMPLAINT. I HOPE YOU STILL HAVE A JOB AFTER TODAY!

U: OH i WILL HAVE A JOB ITS.... (i CAN'T HEAR HIM BECAUSE i SHUT MY DOOR)

Oh, the story gets better. that was just the out of character yelling match. I think maybe I am just more grouchy and a momma bear now?

okay so the rest of the story - How I "love" UPS...

I called the 800 number since there is no local UPS hub number anywhere to speak to a real live person here in St. George. Oh no, you must call the 800 number and they field all complaints.
I immediately wrote down the exact conversation how it happened so i would not forget. (and now you all have it for your own enjoyment and fun reading pleasure. It's like a really mellow scene out of "Desperate Housewives". this is as exciting as it get here on Hysterical Lane. (oh besides the streaker hanging out on the Webb's trampoline and showing himself to some neighbor kids this morning, but that is another story - I digress)

alright so I called the customer service line, gave the play by play, she was typing everything down and said "I will have someone call you back tonight. I marked this matter as urgent. Sorry about the mess up."

No one called me back that night - surprise...

I call the 800 number the next day and get a guy and I forgot to get his name but I so wish I had because he was a total moron.

I started out very nice and sweet.
Me: I called yesterday about a complaint, but did not get a call back. I need to speak to a direct supervisor that knows and deals with my driver directly on a day to day basis.

Dufus: (we will call dufus "D" from now on - his name has been changed to protect his identity - simply because I did not get his name darn it!) I will handle this for you maam and rely the message on.

Me: okay let me tell you what I told the rep yesterday (then I tell my story again)

D: well, maam according to UPS policy your driver is right. as long as someone answers the door, then he can consider that a delivery attempt and does not need to leave a note.

Me:(just a little agitated about that lame policy now and feeling sorry for my driver) SO according to UPS policy a 3 year old can answer the door and it is considered good enough for them?

D: It is not up to the driver who answers the door. it is not his fault if a 3 year old answers.

M: (really really ticked) So if I have a trained monkey and it answers the door, my UPS driver can consider that as good enough?

D: well let's just hope your trained monkey can also...

M: (cutting him off) Let me speak to your supervisor that is upsurd and I cannot believe UPS would have policy like that.

D: What I can do for you is take down the tracking number and other info. and have a supervisor call you back.

I don't think clear when I am this angry and I agreed instead of pushing to get transferred to someone else.

I was still fuming and decided to call UPS again. This time I actually write down the name of the delightful woman that answered the phone: Desiree but we will call her "S" for Sweetie since we already used "D" for Dufus.

Me: Hi Desiree, I am a little upset about some UPS policy and need to get something cleared up. does UPS consider a trained monkey good enough to speak to about a delivery attempt?

"S": (very bewildered) OH, well, I think not! can I help you with a problem.

Me: yes, my problem is that I was told by a customer service rep that a trained monkey is good enough to leave a message with and so is a 3 year old child. and my driver infomed me that he does not have to leave a note when the door is answered by my kids. (and then I tell her the whole story).

S: I am soo sorry maam. The driver should have left a note. let me check. maam, it says here that he scanned a note 3 times and left notices for you.

M: He lied. I never recieved a notice and he told me he does not need to leave a notice.

(the rest of this story is no longer about me yelling. I am pretty much in control of my yelling from here on out. the rest of the story is about the lame UPS guy and his lying and his supervisor that I ...eventually... spoke to thanks to "S")

S: I am so sorry if that happened maam. Let me get all the details from you and get someone to call you back immediately.


(okay so here is what I am thinking - my UPS driver scanned 3 delivery attempt notices? what the....? and I never recieved one? So my immediate thought is "this guy was annoyed that my kids answered the door and decided to be vindictive and throw the notices away. gosh I think I can read minds)

my sister calls again and tells me that the UPS store out there cannot do anything about anything and it is all up to me getting things straightened out on my end to get that camera sent to me again without having to pay $20 shipping AGAIN.

SO....
in less than an hour after I get off the phone with "S" I get a call from the Supervisor - whom we will call "N" for Naive. She sounds nice enough but right away tells me...

N: I am sorry you did not get the package while it was waiting here at the hub. But our driver made 3 delivery attempts and you recieved a postcard in the mail stating that you could come pick up the package for a period of time. So we will not be crediting the shipment.
(she thinks she's done - ha ha ha ha - little does she know I don't roll over and take it anymore)

Me: Sandy, Thanks for calling me back so quickly, but here is the problem. I received the postcard after the package had been returned to sender (is this getting exciting yet?) AND I never once recieved a notice from the driver of attempted deivery.

N: well, it says here that he scanned 3 notices he left for you

Me: then he must have scanned them and threw them away or lied.

N: He would not do that. He would lose his job

Me: then you need to fire him because that is exactly what happened.

N: I spoke to him and reviews his records and it says here he left 3 notices and he also told me he left 3 notices.

Me: Then he lied to you. because he did not.

N: Our records show that he did and he also told me he did when I spoke with him directly.

Me; Why then would he have yelled at me that he did not have to leave a note when I asked him directly and multiple times if he left one.

N: I don't know why he would say that. it doesn't make sense with our records.

me: that's because he lied to you and to UPS. if you'd like I can come down there personally and confront him and front of you and we can figure it out. But I will tell you now, he lied and should be fired.

N: well I will talk to him again and call you back with what I find out.

Me: that sounds great, I will be pursuing this and I want a new driver.

N: well I will not replace him with a new driver, but I will talk to him and call you back.

(okay so I know you are now on the edge of your seat with this thrilling saga of a boring neighborhood story. you ready for the ending?

I am totally upset. I can't even leave the front room because I am watching the street for the UPS truck for a 2nd day air delivery I need for a big workshop tomorrow. I am worried that he will just drive by and not leave the package, or that he will knock quietly and run away with the package just to be a jerk. I seriously do not even go downstairs all day and am thinking about what to say to him should he return and actually do his job.

So I called my mom. My first thought was that I was going to get him to admit to lying and ask him why he lied to his boss. But then I had a conversation with my mom. get this...)

Mom: (we will call her mom cuz it is only 3 letters and easy to do) so what would Jesus do?

(great thanks mom! sheesh, like I need that. Jesus never used UPS)

Me: (totally clueless) who knows?

Mom: did you pray about it?

(dude, I so do NOT need this! okay maybe I do....)

Me: not yet, but I guess I should.

Mom: what is your goal? do you want him fired? or do you want to get your deliveries? remember that a man that loses his secure job in this economy is not something you want to be responsible for. he might come back and poison your dogs or worse.

Me: I guess I just want to get my deliveries safely.

Mom: watch out about accusing him of lying in any kind of language it will only set off a bomb. instead be nice and see if you can resolve things. Get on his side.

Me: okay, so I need to let go of the fact that I am right and he is wrong? and I need to apologize for losing my temper and that my kids answered the door and didn't get me. and ... (yada yada yada... more stuff I was going to say to apologize and make him feel like it's all on me)
and then I will ask him how we can better our working relationship and what I can do on my end. and then, I will say: now, about that camera how am I going to get it? (my hope is that he will just pay the $20 for shipping and then I will not pursue in calling him a liar to his supervisor and getting him fired.)

(apparentely a UPS driver is fired immediately for what he did)

So, Sandy - oops I mean "Naive" Calls back around 4pm

N: I talked to the driver again and he did admit to scanning and throwing away one of the 3 notices. so we will go ahead and credit that shipment and take care of it for you.

Me: Great! what did he do with the other 2 notices?

N: He says he left them at the house. He says he didn't know he was supposed to leave the notice there after he scanned it if he spoke to someone and your kids do count.

Me: well, Sandy, thanks for getting this shipment taken care of for me and following up. But just for the record - there were no notices left. I will not pursue this further, but you should know he is lying to you. and with that being said I hope it is on record that I do not want him as my driver, but am grateful to finally be getting my camera sent to me.

(so here is the big ending...)

UPS guy comes an hour later...

Me: Hey, I am so sorry I lost my cool yesterday (now that is typical Michelle)

U: yeah, well the office is taking care of things and giving a shipment credit so it is all good.

me: great, and we are making some changes here too. my kids are not allowed to answer the door. so please leave a note next time.

U: yeah I will just give them a note

me: uh, no. you will leave it on the door. Up high. out of reach of the 3 year old. I can't trust these kids with anything!
(I laugh very friendly like. He's nervous)

U: You know I was here for a long time at this door waiting for you and you never showed (he's at least not yelling this time)

me: I know, I can only imagine how frustrated you must have been. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have been so upset I might have thrown away delivery attempt notices. But oh well. we are hopefully making some changes here to make sure this doesn't happen with my kids doing that to you again. (I act like I don't realize that was exactly what HE did)

U: (laughs nervously heads back to his truck) thanks!

Me: no problem. (big smile)

(yeah right - huge problem dude, you should be kissing my feet glad you still have a job and it's not handed to one of my honest friends that can't find work - jerk. that's what I was thinking. but I will blog it instead of say it to his face. Cuz I am such a sweet pacifist type.)