Happy birthday to me! - oh and Ferrell too...

Today I turn 38 years old. Tomorrow my youngest kid turns 4. I was just reflecting on things I love about birthdays. I once had a friend that cried and cried on her 30th birthday because she feared aging. I celebrate. I celebrate another year of Life granted to me. I celebrate life experiences. I celebrate being an older business woman that gets looked at differently than a 25 year old business woman. I remember being told by a client when I was 25 that I would not be able to understand her plight and that I could not possibly know what I was talking about since I was soooo young. So thanks goodness to be getting nearer and nearer to 80 when maybe just maybe I can get some respect. LOL! (yeah, right. - I think that ideas went away with the purple hair). 4 years ago I was over 200 pounds pregnant with my youngest baby and crying to just be able to go into labor for my birthday. I prayed and prayed to God that this child in me would come soon. I was overdue to deliver, broke, and tired. for my birthday that year all I wanted and all we could barely afford was an ultrasound to see if all was well with this baby inside me. all the technician said was 'wow. I'm not supposed to say much. but I can say this... it looks like a big kid. and if you want to know the gender, I can't tell. the baby is ready, head down and looks to be big," at midnight on my birthday I went into labor. Best birthday present ever! Ferrell was born the next morning. It was a monstrous 11 pound baby boy. I had a great midwife and delivered in my own bedroom on the floor. A huge thank you to Lori Wrankle for keeping me safe, and for moving me how I needed to move to get that big guy out without any cutting needed. I adore you! SO today - we are celebrating our combined birthdays. I love the peace and solitude of LDS General conference weekend on my birthday. what a treasure I have to hear the prophet of God and the apostles. I also love that the St. George Marathon is also on my birthday weekend and I get to be inspired by amazing people that don't let the world tell them they can't do something. I love how my life has changed these past 4 years. the greatest gift I have today - change. Change is an amazing amazing thing to embrace and cherish. I have found new friends over the past few years that have taught me never to say never. I have a new body that has taught me that I am stronger than I thought. I have a new attitude that has taught me that joy is better than perfection. I have a new perspective on my marriage that has taught me that my life with my companion is better and happier and more amazing than a life without him. I have a new business that has taught me anything is possible and people are amazing! Today I am 38. Ferrell is 4 tomorrow. I am happier, healthier and feel more capable than I have ever been in my entire life. now where's that cake? by the way - never name a kid after something wild and untamed.

my soapbox for the day...

hero worship is a dangerous thing. By that, I mean putting anyone here on this earth in a place of higher importance than yourself. Celebrities, political leaders, religious leaders, business icons... etc.... they are all human. Only God deserves that place of worship. I have seen it at conventions for network marketing companies - someone has made a financial success of themselves and suddenly they are surrounded with admirers that think so highly of them and want to take photos with them and put them on this weird pedestal of creating an idol of that individual. Celebrities that have been in a few successful movies are suddenly worshipped for their ability to act and become our role models? Religious leaders are held on a pedestal and expected to be perfect and flawless? Business leaders become experts on everything? in Business - I remember talking with someone at one of these business conventions that many had placed on this crazy pedestal and she gave me some great advice. I was what was called a "unit Leader" in a company called Creative Memories and was attending a National Convention where all those amazing leaders are recognized on stage and guest speakers and performers come and there is all this great hype to get you excited to drive forward in your business. During a lunch break at one of these conventions I challenged myself to find a table with someone I respected or looked like they were a success and join their table. So I found this woman, Vicki Morgan, she was one of those women that was at the very forefront of the company's growth. She was making more money in a month than I did in a year combined with my husband. She was someone I wanted to pick her brain and get all the secrets from. I learned one amazing secret - she was a human being just like me. I was so nervous to talk to her and stumbled over my questions to her. She sensed my weird nervousness and told me that she was no different than me, just older and had been working hard at it longer than me. and she cautioned me about idolizing anyone. she said" when you put someone else on a pedestal, you are putting yourself below them as if you cannot do what they have done." That has always stayed with me. in religion - I had an experience with a Bishop in my church back when I was 21 yrs old that I felt made a wrong decision that directly affected me. I was so thrown by what I believed to be his bad call that I let it affect my belief that God wanted him as a bishop for that ward. It effected me so greatly at the time that I considered leaving the church I knew to be true. Later I came to the realization that although called of God - these men of God are also just men doing their best and my job was to handle my grievances better than I did then. To put them on a pedestal of someone incapable of mistakes is to allow yourself to be thrown completely for a loop when something isn't as you think it should be. in life - I have often admired experts - especially female leaders: Oprah Winfrey, Tosca Reno, Suzie Orman and Jillian Micheals. I admire their drive, leadership, business sense, expertise in their fields, etc... and for a while I made a mistake of holding them up on a pedestal. BUT ALL of these women are missing something ciritcal that I have - a family with a devoted husband and children. so... are these the women I want as my idols in life? no.... I can respect them for the work they do. but to put them on a pedestal above me is to believe that I am lower than any of them. we are equals. although I am not on TV or in books (yet), I have had a different life I have chosen. That also does not make me better. just different. in social life - What about your neighbor with the perfect family? You have no idea what they struggle with. To hold that other mom up on a pedestal is to say that she is better than you. She isn't. I admire a certain blogger/friend of mine that has this amazing ability to create beautiful art, crafts, and delicious dinners. She has a great talent at home decor, she always dresses amazing and her make-up is always perfect. She and I are different. while she spends time on those things, I spend time on other areas of life. I am not better than her or she better than me. To believe she is better than me is to believe that my talents are less important. live up to the talents God gave you, never to feel like they are less than anyone else. Hold your head up and look at everyone in the eye as an equal. recognize that everyone is capable of mistakes, sorrows, and struggles no matter the outward appearance. Go ahead and respect others for what they have accomplished, learn from them, but never ever ever think they are better than you, perfect or flawless. recognize all mankind has imperfections. for some reason all my celebrity "idols" can't keep a family relationship or marriage together. The playing field is level. God created us all as his children. I have the same ability to return to his arms as you or anyone else. It is an amazing thing. and for some reason, I have to constantly remind myself of this. Your feelings of self worth directly affect your ability to accomplish your goals in life. and your feelings of self worth are directly affected by whether or not you compare your talents and abilities to everyone else around you. You are just as capable as the next person. even if you haven't accomplished what you hope to just yet, You are CAPABLE AND WORTHY OF IT! Just my soapbox for the day. thanks for letting me get my thoughts out of my head.

So, why purple?

First of all - it wasn't the PLAN. I went to my friend Brandi's house to get my hair cut by our friend Alisha. I was planning on some streaks of color to a BLONDE head. But Brandi says "Alisha has always wanted to do someone's hair purple. I told her to ask you." "ehhh,,, sure why not...?" So, Alisha squealed in delight clapped her hands in joy, and not much later I had purple and pink hair. I didn't do it for the shock value, but that has been fun I have to admit. I went to church the next day and tried really hard to pretend I didn't notice the looks of alarm, amusements, and yes... jealousy. Brandi was hilarious - she gave me the full report of all the people in church and their reactions to my hair when I walked in. To be honest, I was too busy trying to settle my kids in and getting reverent to notice. The fun part was the comments of people coming up to me or trying to avoid me :) "oooohh, I JUST LOVE your hair. It is SOOO pretty" Guess who that was from? I heard it from Teenagers a lot and a few little nursery age girls that could talk and loved Pink and Purple. but I also heard it from a grown woman - and a grandma! I adore that woman, but not sure if she wants the world to know she loves purple hair. :) she can comment later and tell the world if she chooses. I also got a couple of looks of disdain and "it looks like you went to a Halloween party too early." :) that was fine by me. totally OK with it in fact. OK.... so why purple? why am I OK with it? aren't I being a poor example to my children that can't go to school with wild hair colors? aren't I being a bad example to teenage girls that are told they are not allowed to dye their hair? I have given all this a lot of thought. First of all - I am 38 and live in my own house and own my own business and am an adult. when I lived with my mom - it was her house her rules. when I worked in a Bank - It was conservative look all the time. Next - It's not a tattoo. Hair grows out and can be changed all the time. If I don't like it, I can grab a box of hair day or wait a few months and change it again. AND - This is one way I choose to let loose. Let's be honest here, I am a little rebellious at heart. I am also a Mormon. I believe in the Book of Mormon and a modern day prophet and all that jazz. I choose to follow the guidelines set out to us from our prophets. I don't drink, do drugs,smoke. I don't even drink Coffee or Tea. I go to Church on Sunday every week even when the Lake sounds like more fun. I stayed away from tattoos and extra piercings to keep my body unspotted from permanent alterations. I try to dress modestly when I am not Working out at a fitness class or at the Lake. I live the life of a good conservative Mormon Mom. BUT - Inside... I am a little punk. I am outrageous. One of my clients was shocked to find out I was a church going, temple attending Mormon. Her words "when I met you, I knew you were a person I could party with. You would be a person I could be myself around and not worry about judgment. I was surprised that you go to church. I don't go because I don't like the way people judge me or look at me funny." I laughed and said "you don't think people at church judge me do you? I go every week, not because I am there for them. I believe what I believe and I go because I believe it is right. You should see the looks I get every time I do something drastic to my hair. talk about funny looks. But I am there for me, my growth, not them." :) For all those teenagers that have said to me " I wish my mom would let me dye my hair purple or blue or pink, or black... - first YOU LIVE IN THEIR HOUSE - IT IS THEIR RULES! I never dyed my hair til I had moved out and was 21. soooo.... listen to your parents. My own daughter isn't allowed to dye her hair crazy colors either. why? because I am just a little hypocritical, she's 9 and she goes to a school where it against the rules. so there! however she might be getting a natural looking hair color for her birthday. Next week I might have black hair. that's whats so awesome about hair - it's fun and it's easy to change according to my mood.

Still Crazy after all these years...

15 years ago Bill and I were married in my parent's backyard. one year later we were sealed for time and all eternity in a "Mormon" temple.

Love changes... people change... Bill and I are NOT the same kids that said "I do" 15 years ago. We've fought, we've cried, we've loved, we've laughed. There were times when a long walk alone was a necessity to make it through. I have wondered if we could make it.

Today... Today, I am glad I didn't drive away 10 years ago when times got tough. Today I look at the man in my home with new eyes. He is a great man. I watch him watching the kids play and playing with them. I watch him stress over if we can keep our house and if we will have enough money. He works hard to keep a roof over our heads. he works hard to make sure I am happy. He works hard to make sure the kids get time with him. There is no better place for me than with him.

We are not perfect people. I am far far far from an ideal wife. I give him a lot of stress, I know. I have not led a perfect life - far from that as well. But I have found my perfect match. and we live an imperfect and crazy life together - doing our best to help each other to be better than we are alone.

I love this part of Indigo Girls song - Love's recovery -
"To let this love survive would be the greatest gift we could give
Tell all the friends who think they're so together
That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery"

On our 15th anniversary... times are as hard or harder than ever. there is a lot of questions about where our family is headed financially, times are tough in this economy. But - I have never felt more safe than I do right now. I feel safe in this storm.

I have to give credit where credit is due - I thank God for my good man. I thank God for bringing direction to a relationship that would have been lost without HIS hand in it. I thank GOD for answered Prayers, for scriptures, for opportunities given for Bill and I to serve together to focus on more than ourselves.
It is only with God that love can survive these storms.

Happy anniversary Bill - let's ride these waves together!

California here I come!

Bill had lined up some business meetings in San Diego During Comic Con (a Convention for the comic book, toy and movie industries - HUGE event!)
So we decided to make a vacation of it. While Bill was doing business in San Diego, the kids and I stayed with my mom in San Clemente for a few days.

Ahhhhh......... vacation.... How I had missed thee.
Hello beach, hello moderate temperatures, hello friendly people, hello busy town with cool shops, hello funky beach cities... ahhhh... my teenage stomping grounds... so many many many memories... how I have missed thee...

We arrived late Tuesday night (1:00am ish) and crashed in the beds my mom had already made up for us. Ilia had been spending a week with Grandma already and I really missed my little girl. The first thing I did was sneak over to her and give her a snuggle and a kiss on her forehead. I really missed this pretty little girl of mine.

Wednesday morning - the kids woke WAY too early and went to play in Grandma's garage/ playroom. Bill had work to do.
So, for us... it was off to the beach right away. We decided on Aliso Creek beach right near Laguna Beach. Perfect day, perfect beach. But it was crowded. There wasn't any open space near the water so we picked a spot next to the lifeguard tower next to the parking lot.

I put sunscreen on Ferrell first and put his life jacket on him, worked on Dane and the other kids next, and grabbed a sandwich out of the cooler.


As I bit into my sandwich I turned to check on the kids.

There rolling in the waves was an orange lifejacket. A little body struggling to get up as another wave rolled him over and unable to get his breathe. I was terrified! I cannot tell you how fast I moved. Perhaps the fastest I have ever moved in my life. I didn't even think to throw down the sandwich. I realized as I was next to him and grabbing my little 3 and a half year old out of the water one-handed what it must look like to the other people at the beach that I still had my sandwich in my hand. I seriously just didn't even have time to throw it down.

The life guard got there moments after me in full sprint. I was so glad I had gotten myself in shape that I could beat the lifeguard there.

I snuggled Ferrell for a while. He just wanted to go back up to the camp and play in with the sand toys where it was safe. He also spent a lot of time chasing the birds up and down the beach and gave me a workout just keeping up with him.


I spent most of my time just staying next to him and helping him feel safe again. It took hours before he was ready to even put his toes back in the water. But he did. He was super cautious this time and didn't try to do the big kid stuff - like let the waves chase you up the beach. or even get wet past his ankles anymore. I was just glad he got over it at all enough to get close to the water.

The rest of the time at the beach was mostly uneventful as far as stress level is concerned. The kids enjoyed the waves with their cousins - Jack, Luke and Max Proffit my brothers Ryan and Josh's kids.

I loved seeing serious contemplative Dane in his own world mostly by himself just watching the water.

Crazy Ilia Jumping in full force without concern (other than the sand in uncomfortable places).


Gabe normally a serious kid too - but he was really letting himself go and trying things he would have stayed away from. I love his ear to ear smile.



Evan was still recuperating from an exhausting week of Scout camp followed by time at the Lake with Mom and dad. he was burnt out on sand and water. Mostly Evan enjoyed eating and making sand castles that his little cousins kicked over. grumble grumble...
He decided to get out in the water after the camera battery had been put away.

I also noticed him "noiticing" the cute girls next to us... shhhh... don't tell him I caught him looking. Yup, he's a teenager now.

















Afterward we washed off and hit Gpa's jacuzzi. We still loaded the jacuzzi with sand and dirt even after the baths. You just can't get ALL the sand out of things.






Thursday was a day at the pool.
Jessica (my sister in Law) joined us with her kids and we had lunch. Ferrell got brave and removed his life jacket - but luckily stayed holding onto the sides of the pool. Dane kept his life jacket on and swam everywhere the big kids went. I didn't have the luxury of watching Ilia, Gabe and Evan much since I was watching Ferrell with my full attention. But I did notice that a group of kids about Evan's age showed up with a summer camp group and he really enjoyed himself in their games - it was mostly girls. He seems to have grown up a lot this year. A lot more confidence and is walking tall. I loved watching him socialize with the cute girls in a respectful teenage manner. It was great fun for me.










Friday was errand running day - picking up some brand new Stand up Paddle boards and doing a little of Bill's business stuff. We ended up at Bill's dad's house around 5:30pm and went out to dinner at a cute pasta place where Evan finally got the Lasagna he was hoping for, Gabe got the Pizza he wanted and I got the Shrimp scampi I was craving. We had a great time with Bill's dad, he really misses his wife Norma that passed away about 6 months ago from cancer. He wanted to have a special prayer on his home to dedicate it to the Lord and to keep it a Haven from the evils of the world. It was good to be there with him during the dedicatory prayer he offered. I was glad that we made that effort to be there.

We drove back to my mom's house and got there at 1am and crashed back to sleep. Today is my nephew Jack's baptism. He is 8 years old and we don't get to see Ryan and his family very often. So it's a treat to be out here at the same time as this big event in their family.

I miss my work and my house and friends back home. But I have LOVED being here with my family and good times in California.

Dane is 6. He took his training wheels off his bike on his own and decided he would teach himself how to ride his bike. I am so proud.

My wonderful mother wrote this:

When is Mother’s Day? It begins on the first.

The first time a mother discovers that she will be bearing a child. It all begins then as she murmurs the words, “Mommy, Mom, Mama” over and over, imagining how they will sound coming from my child’s lips someday. It begins to become a reality as she folds and unfolds the little shirts and nighties, imagining the tiny soft body that will almost fill them.

It’s the long wait, anticipating what he/she will look like. What color of hair eyes.

Praying every day thanking God for this child on loan.. Praying for health and a safe arrival.

“The Spirit itself beareath witness with our spirit that we are the

children of God.” Romans 8:13

And the prayers continue for ability and wisdom to take care of his/her every need. Is that when Mother’s day begins?

It begins with joyous relief, the the first sight of your miraculous tiny body. and hearing the startled, robust cry--perhaps a protest from leaving the comfort and safety of the womb upon entering into this world and being thrust into bright lights, noise. Mothers day began when I held my newborn to me and nuzzled your soft skin and smells that new baby smell.

Mothers day began when we dress you in clothes that are surprisingly way too big and we prepare to leave the hospital. We take the exciting ride home, knowing we are family now. The sun seems brighter, the flowers more vibrant or the fall leaves display colors of chili sauce rolling down the hills. Could nature be celebrating too as Mothers

Day begins?

The arrival of each infant coming into this world is sacred and unique for each child. Some of you were met by exuberant brothers and sisters, with wide eyes and arms, each wanting to hold you."How come we got the most beautiful baby" and "I get to hold her when everyone gathers around at Church"

Mothers day is celebrated on a lot of “firsts” We record a lot of them. The first real smile (Its NOT just gas!), the first time you recognized me or Daddy and followed us with your eyes, the first time you could hold something in your hand. The first laugh---did we get that recorded? The first teeth, first time you rolled over, or crawled or climbed the stairs...and later trees and the walls! The first steps. The first words, the chattering that eventually made sense. So many firsts in that beginning year of each child’s life.



People sometimes ask me “How did you raise so many children. I reply “On my knees.” With God’s help we made it through...and found joy in doing so.

There were lots of firsts: When Nathan was just learning to ride a bike and would venture near the corner, I commented to your grandmother “It is so fun to see him ride a trike and be a little adventurous, but I don’t know how far to let him go”

She sagely replied, “That will be the case for the rest of your life.”

And so it was. First a trike, then a bike, then a car. How far to let you out of my sight? Then off to college and then the three M’s: missions, marriage. and military. Nervous, but happy for you. And proud.

It was Mother’s day one Memorial Day as I watched my giant of a son in full military dress uniform with unchecked tears running down his face as he listened to “Taps” and saluted the graves of fallen soldiers.

It was Mothers’ Day each time I attended a school play, a program, an award ceremony, a ball game, a wrestling, match, or a concert (especially the solos).



Priesthood ordinations, Young women awards and actually wanting me to go to girl's camp with you......and not being too embarrassed!

It was Mother’ Day when you shared papers you had written, test results and what went on in school. Even the disappointments brought us closer, just by your sharing them. Who could count the numerous conversations? In the car, at the kitchen sink, taking walks, at the beach or jogging.

We didn’t realize we were building precious memories on those Nature walks, hikes in the mountains, Labor Day picnics, days at the beach and road trips. Inside humor and jokes still on file to recall anytime I need a good laugh!

It was joyous to receive the art work that was plastered on the refrigerator and walls. The hand prints

made and framed.

The stories you brought home from school as you sat at the counter eating homemade bread & jam. You brought your friends in, and enlarged our circle. How you encouraged us to take in strays “He’s really a good kid Mom” and “How can we say no, when we’ve been so blessed?”

It was Mother’s Day to watch you participate, in Student government, debate, cheer leading, drill team.

Do you realize it was Mother’s day watching you complete, demonstrate and show 4-h projects of sewing, cooking, bunny rabbits, sheep, pigs calves? The awards and ribbons you received did not compare to the glow inside me and your father.

It was a pleasure making prom dresses and wedding dresses. Etching out a budget in order to go shopping for school clothes and a new notebook. To hurry through prayers, breakfast and then watch you board the school bus , walk or ride to school each year.

The scout badges were a joy to sew on as you earned them. I loved the “Mothers Day” when 4 hungry, dirty boys returned from a 2 day camp out on their own. You had left arguing about something and returned singing and your arms around each other. I’m not sure what you leaned about cooking and nature, but I loved that I saw that you learned

about each other.

No April Fool’s Day does not surpass Mothers Day, in case anyone should ask. But we continue to get some good jokes in. Memories linger of Christmas Eve, with Grandpa Proffit reading from ST. Luke , New Year celebrations, birthday parties with siblings and cousins , Trick or treating with costumes we would make ourselves, Fireworks on July 4th..which was also Lisa’s birthday. Did we realize those were all actually “Mother’s Days”?

I got the honor of helping Santa fill stockings, the Easter bunny hide eggs and the very ditzy tooth fairy try to remember to put money under the pillow. Were those all on a Mother’s day?

Things started reversing. Losing a tooth was as exciting as getting one. Watching you leave home and the extra room and the quiet you left in your wake...now that’s a good Mother’s day!

I saw brothers and sisters sob as their siblings left for college and on missions, ( and then later confiscate some of their belongings.!)

“I’m glad they called you on a mission” you would sing.

Then what were all the tears when 6 huge sons cried uncontrollably as you sang “Armies of Helaman” at Josh’s farewell? That was an awesome Mother’s Day!



Watching my children fall in love and quietly celebrating when they had to dump the poor choices. You all eventually selected someone as you would bring them home to meet us. What gifts those new sons and daughters in law! So many more to love now. And I congratulate you on great choices .

Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies” Proverbs 31:10

Each time one of you got married, each brother and sister and their families came to help celebrate. What a joy to see tall handsome sons and beautiful daughters lined up at the solemn ceremonies and to feel Nathan's presence there too. What joy on those special "Mother's days.



And now the numerous births of grandchildren and watching the cycle repeat over and over, a most precious Mother’s day present is watching my children love each other and their own families as they teach their children. My constant gift is the wonderful awe of each new child, and all their firsts. Thank you thank you for sharing them with me, bringing them to my house to play with the dress up, to play tennis, to read or enjoy the hot tub and the beach. they bring their poetry and stories,and music. Thanks for sending pictures and posting their events on the face book and My family.

Thanks for moving over and allowing us to come to your house for those baby blessings, baptisms, sporting events, concerts, plays,graduations, or just for the fun of it.

Phone calls, cards, are marvelous. I thrill when a grandchild calls or writes a note. It’s Mother’s day again when my beautiful, strong daughters call to talk about everything and nothing? Just girl talk.

Some time ago, one of you protested , “Why is there a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but no “Children’s Day” ?

I passed on the answer my mother gave me. “Every day is Children’s Day!”

I’m reconsidering that answer. I guess everyday is Mother’s day. It begins on a first and continues on and on . The ‘first’ seems to come more often now a days.

“I have no greater joy than to know my children walk in truth.” 3 John 1:4

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord , and the fruit of his

womb is his reward.

“As arrows are in the hands of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them....” psalms 127:3-5
- from Michelle's amazing mother Pat