Happy Holidays!

Ennis Family newsletter December 2013

I am not sure I will actually get a real physical newsletter or card out.  To be honest, I have the past 2 years newsletters still in a pile on my desk.  Yes, I am that person. I have great intentions and then... Oh well.  So, instead of pretending that I will actually get it done and out and mailed to all the people that love (or maybe even actually care what is going on in my family's world) I will just blog it.  I love technology.  That reminds me of a song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERCzN91JicA

Anyway...

Ok the Ennis family news:

Our life has been a whirlwind this past year (or 2)

We moved (again).  we made the decision to simplify and reduce clutter and extras and did something I never thought we would do.  We moved into a BASEMENT!  Holy cow!  Granted it's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath basement.  It's one block away from where Bill and I work and our kids are close by when we have to be at the office.   Bill's Rental Shop and Michelle's fitness studio are right next door to each other and the kids' schools are close by as well. So that works for us.

Bill has really picked up business with Dig Paddlsports renting Kayaks and stand-up paddleboards.  He even put on a 3 race series this year at Sand Hollow resevoir.  It was a smashing success and we are excited to continue to organize SUP races next year if anyone wants to come play.  He still does graphic design and print brokering and stays super busy with everything he has going on.  During the Summer he is at the lake almost all day 6 days a week on an SUP or kayak. He loves taking the whole family on outings to the lake.  

Michelle - (Me) has experienced a lot of changes with the fitness business I started up a few years ago.  Phazes Fitness has experienced a lot of ups and downs but is growing steady and is a lot of fun to do.    The St. George marathon was days after my 40th b-day and was Full of laughs and giggles and good memories as about 30 or more friends ran in memory of a dear friend that passed away in a tragic cycling accident. I told Bill that it would be my only marathon, but I had way too much fun running with friends that purposefully ran slow and came in close to or very last place before the cut off time.   It was a party!   My life has been changed by the passing of Braydon and I've adopted "Booyah!" into my language along with thousands of others that loved Braydon.  The most defining time of my life this year was his passing.  My friends and family and faith have become more clearly meaningful.

Enjoy Braydon's song 

I continue to teach Zumba, bootcamps, Pilates and SUP fitness classes.

Evan turns 16 in January.  He participated in tennis last year and did great.  His coach wants him to keep at it and say he has a lot of natural talent.  We tried homeschooling Evan last year.  That was silly.  So he is back at public school and working twice as hard to make up for lost time.  Plus he never wants me to try and homeschool him again so he's working harder than he has ever worked to prove he can be a success.  And he is.  I am so proud of the young man he is becoming.  Evan joined the Speech team.  On his own.  We were broke when it came time to sign up for the team. So I told him not this year but maybe next year he could do it.  Evan worked his butt off and paid for the fee himself.  He went to his first tournament and came home with a big smile on his face.  I asked him how it went.  Grinning ear to ear he said "I LOST!" - with a HUGE Smile.  So, wanting to be a good mother and encourage him to improve next time, I asked "what would you change next time so you could do better?"  Evan's response, "THE RULES!" -still with that monster smile.  He said the best part of the whole adventure was the bus trip.  I love that kid.  He is a lot like his parents.  Good or bad?  sure.

Gabriel... Holy cow that kid has changed so much this year.  Gabe turns 14 this month.  

He has been going to a charter school for the past year and a half.  It's a school focused on the arts and technology.  Perfect for a kid that loves theater and computers.  He's become quite the actor and goes around the house singing.  All.  The. Time.

clicke here to enjoy some of Gabe's lovely singing voice...  and me lying to him.  

His best friend's name is Shelly.  yeah...  I was worried.  She is a lot like me.  Funny, smart, talented, a bit of a spazz.  and a great friend to Gabe.  Everyone teases them about being girlfriend and boyfriend and Gabe and Shelly get mad and reassure all of us that that is NOT how it is.  I am still keeping my eye on them.  Shelly is cute and shares my nickname, that could be dangerous.  I have friends at the School that keep tabs on Gabe for me and told me he was the life of the older grades' dance party a few weeks ago.  Apparently he was dancing wildly on his own.  I asked him if he danced with any girls, to which he responded "of course not mom!  I'm not old enough for contact with the opposite gender"..... ummmmm..... ok.  I will accept that answer. Actually we then had a talk about appropriate social skills and dancing with girls being ok.

Ilia, Ilia, Ilia... what do you say about a barely 12 year old going on 25?  She is tall and pretty and so fun to be around.  I love the fact that she and I can really hang out and have fun together.  She takes pride in her schooling and is self motivated.  Her biggest flaw is her biggest talent.  She is so self motivated that she never really feels the need to get help for anything, or permission either... 2 months grounded was the highlight of her year.  She enjoys dancing and was able to take part with a small local dance team here in Hurricane Utah.  As a beginner Hip hop team, they took first place in a regional tournament and went on to compete at Lagoon and placed Nationally.  They are a cute bunch of kids.  Ilia can be found dancing and singing and listening to loud music.  I am constantly telling her "Turn that down!"

The other day she promptly responded "why should I?  You listen to your music really loud."  To which I responded "That will be 20 pushups for talking back".  

To which she responded "But MO- O -OM!"

(by the way, I only have the music loud during Zumba)

Ilia's cooking show

Dane - He calls himself my love man.  He turned 9 in November.  A great kid. Smart and funny.  He LOVES Boy scouts and cuddling.  Seriously, his smile is awesome.  He is the first one to give a hug when I walk in the door.  I will never get tired of hearing "MOM!" promptly followed by a huge hug.  It makes my day.  Dane is a great student.  I think he is the first son of mine to be so self motivated at a young age.  His teacher says he always turns in his homework and does extra credit and gets top scores on his tests.  I didn't even KNOW he had homework.  wow.  What a joy he is.  I love him to pieces.  Plus his dimple on his cheeks and bright blue eyes light up the room.

Ferrell -  turned 6 in October.  He was my best birthday present ever.  Ferrell, like his older siblings, is very independent.  I will never have to worry about him starving if something happens to me.  That kid takes care of himself.  We have almost outgrown his wandering stage where he would leave the house unannounced and go to the grocery store to get a cookie from the bakery.  At ages 3-5 the cops had to bring him home a few times and I got questioned about my abilities as a mother.  Great.  The kid would undo the child locks, move stools to reach the latches.  You name it.  You turned your back for a seconds and he was out the door going wherever he felt he needed.  The good news, Bill and I now work closer to home and When Ferrell does wander away, it is either Home or the offices - just a block.  Better news... it's happening a lot less these days.  Seriously, you can't even take a shower or do the dishes without turning around and having Ferrell out the door on his own impromptu adventure.  His kindergarten teacher says he's a genius and is the only kid in class that can go forward and backward on the monkey bars all the way both times.  I couldn't be more proud.  Unless he had  a bucket on his head and was running into walls.  

Our life is full of fun and crazy stuff.

As I have been prompted to grow my fitness business, I have often wondered how it fits in with my faith and feelings on the importance of mother's being home with their kids as much as possible.  I used to judge mothers that worked outside the home.  But as I have made the choice to do so and have felt impressed to try and make a difference in the health of our community, I have found myself Praying for inspiration from God.  A few years ago as I was working with a young boy age 10 that had just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and needed a LOT of help learning about how he could change his life.  I realized I was late coming home.  I thought about rushing through with this child and getting home quickly.  The words came to mind "this boy needs you right now.  Your kids will be fine."  In fact the impression I had was so strong and was not from me.  I knew my kids were ok.  I knew they had a good father, they had a good support system.  Truly when I look at my kids, I realize God has blessed us.  It isn't anything Bill or I have done to raise them.  In fact, they have had to do a lot of raising themselves.  But amazing spirits have been sent to our home and I feel blessed.  

This Christmas season, we are living simpler lives.  I am reflecting on how God has blessed us through our challenges.  I am grateful for the loss of our too big of a house. I am grateful for feeling closer to my family.  Maybe a smaller house does bring families closer together - literally?

I feel that way.

Our family has a firm faith in Jesus Christ. We are grateful for the teachings in the Bible and the Book of Mormon and love our Prophet on earth today.

Jesus was born in April, but we are glad the early Christians adopted this season so we could have Winter AND the spring to celebrate loudly, with music and food, God's love for us.

So MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!

And I decided I like digital blogged newsletters with video clips.

a celebrity had their funeral today.

I attended a celebrity funeral today.  Maybe you've heard of this rockstar?  His name was Braydon Neilsen.  No?  Well... Maybe he has never been featured in any big new until his death.  But by the outpouring of love and the numbers of people that showed up to his funeral and the overwhelming display with the procession as his casket holding his body was headed to it's final resting place....
Helicopter, Emergency response vehicles, 150 (ish) cyclists... a full on mini parade... accompanied this man as he made his way to his final resting ground.  If you didn't know it was "just Braydon" you might have thought That... I don't know... Clint Eastwood's (???) funeral was being held here. Or maybe Elvis?

There was such a HUGE outpouring of love today from the community.
I came a couple of minutes early for the funeral, but it was already packed and I had to sit in the back of the overflow.  people were still pouring in.  I had no idea that this large church building had an additional overflow, but it did and a few minutes later, another screen opened in back to make room for all the friend and family of Braydon that were still pouring in.  Wow...  just wow...

The service was good.  We heard great remarks from Braydon's friends and neighbors and church leaders.  Remarks that Tri club president, Ryan Duckworth shared also included remarks from facebook from MANY friend of Braydon.

THEN...
after the funeral was the processional... a GRAND processional.  It was overwhelming for me.  I am highly emotional in the first place, so that doesn't help.  I was standing near some friends, Shane and Karrie Neilson, and Dustin and Melanie Roberts and another couple I did not know the names of.  As the procession began to go past the 100's of us watching... I saw the other couples hold each other a little tighter.  Husbands and wives clung to eachother.  Many people were tearing up.  My husband, Bill, had decided he was going to send Braydon out the same way he had met him.... on his 6 foot long board.  I was running in the Hostess Half Marathon, so was Braydon.  My husband no longer runs and was skateboarding alongside us.  Braydon and Bill struck up a conversation and just like Braydon is with everyone... they became friends.  Braydon and I bonded over twinkies and Donettes and running.  That was... December 2010 I believe.    Since then, I have had opportunities to run with or past or start races with Braydon.  I'll admit, I used to think being toward the front of the pack was the best place to be.  I soon learned that the party was wherever Braydon was.  So, when I felt like keeping an easier pace, I would laugh and talk and jog with Braydon.  Usually I would eventually say "see you at the finish!"  He'd give his signature "Booyah!" and cheer me and whoever else on as we passed him up.
As I saw the Tri club ride by on their bikes and my hubby go by... I felt a huge wave of emotion overtake me.  I put my arm around the woman next to me - a complet stranger - and said "you don't mind do you?  I need someone right now and my hubby is out there with them."  She was cool with it.  After a few seconds and seeing more and more bikes ride by.  I just dropped down. I had to sit.  The feeling of love from the people that knew Braydon was immense.  I could not stand up.  I sat and sobbed.  part of it was of course sorrow.  but mostly it was just overwhelming to be surrounded by this outpouring.  To see and feel the love of so many people for one simple man...  It touched me deeply.

Bill and I are not triathletes.  But as water support at nearly every southern utah triathlon for the past 4 years, we feel a real connection to the sport.  My runner/triathlete friends would get in the water and I couldn't tell  who was who because of all the matching swim caps and black wetsuits.  I usually never could get an opportunity to say "hi" to my buddies as they would swim by me while I sat in my kayak or was on my Paddleboard.  But Braydon...  he ALWAYS,  ALWAYS would stop his swim, poke his head out of the water  and say "Hi Michelle, Hi Bill!  Good to see you!  Thanks for volunteering!"  sometimes he would come over the kayak to catch his breath, but usually, he really did just want to say hi.  I have a few triathlete friends that will occassionally stop to say hi.  But most of my buddies are seriously trying to beat a time or maybe place in the top of their division.  So their heads are in the water, they are NOT looking for me and we never get a chance to say hello as they swim past.  It doesn't bother me at all.  After all... we are both there to do a job.  Mine is to help struggling swimmers, theirs is to do their best and finish their race strong.  I'm not there for social hour with my tri buddies.  But Braydon somehow always managed to make my day with his huge smile and his "Booyah!".

Braydon never won any race if by winning we mean being one of the fastest guys across the finish.  nope.  Not Braydon.    Braydon wasn't even usually in the first half of the finishers.  In fact usually those of us who crossed the finish line before Braydon we would wait and see him coming in toward the back of the pack if not dead last and we would all start cheering him on.  He would cross that finish line as if he just won an Olympic gold medal.  Huge smile.  Never disappointed.

So... what made him so great?  Why the huge procession?  Why the parade?
What was that all about?

I think I finally learned a lesson I have been taught every Sunday in church since I was a little girl.
"Jesus said love everyone.  treat them kindly too.  When your heart is filled with love, others will love you."
"You can share the love of Jesus Christ by being a good example and living a life full of love."
"The best way to serve others is to love others"

Braydon.

Wow.  You showed me. And the Community watched and learned from your simple example.  THAT is why the parade today.  You loved and lived what most of us have yet to learn.  HUGE HEART!

I had a talk with my kids about this yesterday.
I was trying to make sense out of why God would allow a man like Braydon to be taken from his 4 young kids and loving wife.  How incredibly tragic.  How could this be fair?   But as I watched the outpouring from the community following his death I came to realize something amazing.  Braydon's life and example mean so much more to me right now then it would have if he had lived to be 96 years old.  That sucks.  I know.  It doesn't make things easier for those that love him to think about it.  So forgive me as I try to find a reason behind why he left this life so young.  So just go with me on this little journey for a minute.

Braydon was a cool guy.  He was friendly and full of heart. There is no one like him out there that I know.  BUT... I don't think I realized just HOW amazing he was/is until I realized he was gone.  I don't think his life lessons were as impactful to me and maybe the community until after his death.  I am sorry if that sounds heartless.  Please forgive me.  But I hope it will make sense a little more when I am done here.

When I read the scriptures, I am touched by the lives of people who really meant very little to the world until they were gone.  There is example after example of great human beings who were metaphors to the life of Jesus Christ - who also would have only been a good teacher if there had been no early death.  Now, i am NOT saying that Braydon is just like Jesus.  BUT....

As I was talking to my kids about all this and one of my little ones said to me, "Mom, was your friend just like Jesus?"  I grinned.  "Well...  Jesus taught us to love and asked us to try and be like him and love everyone.  And Braydon did that.  So, yeah,  I guess so.

Braydon loved everyone.  Everyone loved him back.  Braydon was determined regardless of the obstacles.  He inspired me.  I remember watching Braydon in an event and being a little judgemental, I thought to myself... "If I guy that size can do that, then so can I."  I found out I was wrong.  It's not a size of the body that makes a person capable.  It's the size of the heart and Spirit.  Braydon's body had to be a little larger to house his monstrous spirit that made him more capable than most of us average people.

It was because he got inspired years ago to do more that he was able to, that he then was able to meet more people that were touched by him.  It's because I got off the couch 5 years ago and decided to do more, that I was privileged to know him.  When you sweat next to someone and cross finish lines together over the years... you can really learn to love them.

Like 100's and maybe thousands of others... I am a fan of Braydon and my life is better not just because of his life, but sadly also because of his death - he means more to me than ever and I will take this tragedy and learn from it.
Only a small part of his fan club showed up at his funeral today and there were 100's of us cheering Braydon on as he made his way back to his Heavenly Father.  Booyah! To the greatest celebrity I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  What an amazing tribute today from all your friends.  Love you and miss you!  And yes, we will work on getting that lifesize Braydon cutout to do future races with us.  We need your smile to pull us through those tough moments.  By the way... Braydon, I thought about skipping my training run this morning.  Thought of you after I hit snooze a million times.  The thought "what would Braydon do?"  came to mind.  So I said a quick "BOOYAH!"  jumped out of bed, threw my excuses aside and went for my run.  thanks again for your life and example to me Braydon.   Now what I need to do is learn from people while they are still with me here in this life. I want to tell people how important they are to me while they are here.  So if I get extra gushy and hug you and tell you I love you and how much you mean to me and I start crying... just know, I am still trying to figure out how to express myself correctly without embarrassing me.

It's been fun reading other friends thoughts about Braydon. - I read Jason Smith's Facebook post - awesome.
plus here is more of some of the tributes I have read online...

words shared by Ryan Duckworth:
 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865585762/Triathlete-killed-while-cycling-in-southern-Utah.html?pg=all

Cory Reese AKA "Fast Cory":
http://www.fastcory.com/2013/09/life-lessons-i-learned-from-braydon.html

Friend Cherie Santiago:
http://www.ultraspire.net/blog_posts/a-beautiful-spirit/

I am sure there are more out there.  Everyone deals with sorrow, pain, anger, etc... differently.  Me... I have to write it out.  Thanks for "listening".

Sometimes it's just so hard....

I need to write to clear my head right now.  This is my method of dealing with stress.  Sometimes doing what you know you are supposed to do, no matter who it hurts, no matter the negative consequences, no matter who thinks you made the biggest mistake ever, no matter the backlash, is the hardest thing in the world to do.

For several months, almost  a year, I have been considering moving a class I want to develop into the spot of another trainers class at my fitness studio.  There is no "good way" to do it.  The trainers that work for me are great.  But, I needed to make this change.

The individual I chose to replace I have wanted to include in other ways in other Phazes programs, but I just could not figure out how to make it all work.  So I let her go and replaced her with my dream.

Was it the right thing, or the wrong thing to do?

I probably did it the wrong way. I KNOW my timing sucked.  I am sure my method sucked eggs.  I texted her.  Yuck.

I hate me sometimes.

I couldn't do face to face or over the phone.  I was too nervous and I knew I had to do it right away to give her time to make adjustments quickly in her life as needed.

Sure enough.  backlash, I knew would happen is happening.

I will lose clients.  I may have lost friends.  I hurt.   I may have hurt her.  I was supposed to be a friend and I wasn't.  ugh.

And yet... I still know this is the path I have to take.  I have known it for a long time and have tried to avoid it in so many other ways.  I have to move forward, with or without friends.  With or without support from people I hoped would understand.

I can build a business.  I can do sales calls.  I can do hard things.  This is my new challenge I have to stand up to.

On a brighter side... I am excited to show this new format to my idea and get my classes built up again after the initial shock of losing the other trainer.  I know people will follow her wherever she goes.  I've always known that.  I know people will talk about why THEY THINK I let her go.  There will be harsh rumors about it.  I've had worse things said about me that were not true.  There will be a lot of assumptions.  Bring it.

"You can't hold out for universal popularity" - Dumbledore

Chin up.  Moving forward with my goals....
I was about to apologize for my plans that conflict with others lives.  I shouldn't have to.

I am glad I still have great friends that hold me up when I need support.  This is a rough thing.  It is NOT the hardest thing I have had to do, but it is hard, nonetheless.  I did shed tears over it.  because I do care, but I have to appear professional and not emotional.  I get attached to people and have difficulty putting my goals and business first. I actually did that this time.  It hurt like hell.  I hope I can heal quickly.  I need to surround myself with good people that can see my vision.

I need some Yoga and deep breathing right now....  ohhhhmmmmm.....

Good thing we are having a dance Party and yoga afterward for FHE.  I REALLY need it.