No, really. When I stand at the top of something a little more than a few feet up and then I look down... my legs ache, my heart pounds, my stomache churns. I have this HORRIBLE fear of heights. I am also afraid of deep open water. I wonder if those fears are related. I decided earlier that this was year to get over my fears and go do things I have always wanted to try but have allowed my fears to hold me back.
my list of things I want to do include:
- zipline
- repelling
- rock climbing
- climb Angel's landing.
there are other things but they have nothing to do with my fears - just lack of skill I need to improve in order to get there
- Run a marathon
- do a solo triathlon
etc...
the top list is stuff I could go do today the bottom list takes some time to train up to.
BUT I haven't tried anything from the top list because I am a freaking chicken when it comes to heights. I LOVE the idea of climbing up the side of a cliff. I love hiking and bouldering around But I can't seem to bring myself to do more than that.
Guess what I did today?
The first time we went up there I was nearly dizzy just looking off the balcony. Courtney (works at Zion Ponderosa) hooked me in and told me to go. But I kept stalling. I knew it was no big deal. But I physically could NOT get my legs to move me off the balcony. SO Bill pushed me. Thanks Bill. I really thought I would be able to do it without a push, but I could NOT. Once going I was able to relax and enjoy the ride. It was safe and mellow and not that big of a deal.
I had to try it again though. I needed to be able to do it without Bill Pushing me. I needed to know that I could overcome my fears and do things that scare the hell out of me. So I did. Some of you are looking at me and thinking - dude, Michelle, what is the big deal that Zipline is wimpy. yeah, well.... SO! I was scared anyway! I would never have jumped a year ago and I did it! I am so happy! I am ready for repelling and then Angel's landing and some rock climbing! BRING IT ON!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
an apostle of God spoke today
Yesterday and today I had the opportunity to go listen to more instruction from a church conference.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we do believe in the same organization that existed when Christ was on the earth.
We have a Prophet on the earth as well as 12 apostles that help lead the Church, receive revelation, and speak to us in God's behalf.
Usually our General Conference is when we get to hear from these apostles.
Our smaller "Stake Conferences" are normally area leaders and authorities speaking to us. But this weekend we had one of the 12 apostles of God - much like Peter, James, John, Luke etc... of the New Testament. It was a great privilege to hear an apostle of God speak.
along with him, we heard others speak - not so glamorous - like my neighbor's kid - Braydon Sanders. I know him and have been watching him grow up for the past 6 years. But still, he listened to the spirit and spoke from his hear and did a great job.
Here are my notes from this weekend and what I received from all words and speakers I can remember or took notes of.
Saturday was a crazy busy day. I debated even going to the evening session of our conference. I was tired and cranky and really just wanted to sleep. But I had been feeling kind of... "empty". I needed to be filled. So Bill and I went about 30 minutes late. But we got there.
we sat in the back of the room. I neglected to take good notes but I was impressed with the words of the speaker that was talking when we entered. It was on serving God because of Love for our Savior Jesus Christ. great words great talk. I was in and out of sleep during most of the other speakers. I remember feeling love and warmth even though I was struggling staying awake. I remember brother Worthen being a powerful spiritual speaker, But I can't remember the topic of his talk.
I was glad to be there, but praying I would hear something that was just for me.
Then Brother Holland got up to speak. He set aside his notes and said how he wished there was a living room big enough to sit casually and just talk to us directly. I really felt his love and concern for us. This was not a man here to put on a show, but a man who had prayed for us and what God wanted us to hear today.
he then went on to speak about how each of us hits times of trial - death, loneliness, sadness, financial hardship, problems with kids, problems with marriage. and he talked about the Love God has for broken things.
a few things that stood out to me -
- You don't abandon ship in a storm. Stay in the boat. Just because there is a struggle and you aren't getting things you want right now is not a reason to decide the church isn't true and jump ship. to do so is the most dangerous thing. Stay in the boat and ride out the storm.
- God loves broken things. when you feel broken is when God is most loving it seems. he asked that we bring a broken heart and contrite spirit to him. For anyone to say that because they hurt or are in pain that God must not love them is WRONG!
Then a powerful testimony was shared of how he sat by Prophets of God that were in pain.
Howard W. Hunter Cried out in agony as Cancer ravaged him.
Gordon B. Hinckley would mourn the loss of his wife and go home to an empty house and a can of tuna fish. never was there a lonelier man.
Spencer W. Kimball had every physical difficulty imaginable and experienced suffering of all sort personal, family and physical.
To say that God doesn't love these men because they suffer... is not so.
God LOVES his prophets and they suffered through the ages. when we suffer we must remember that God Loves us still.
I went Home feeling full and refreshed. and then I went to Dairy Queen and ruined it all. (Kidding) It was good to sit with friends afterward and share a good moment.
came home and went to bed.
SUNDAY...
got to conference late, sat in a relief society room where conference was being broadcast over the speaker system. I was actually happy to be in the overflow room as my kids like to make a little noise and the speakers were louder than they were in the main cultural hall where the majority of the congregation sat.
It reminded me of King Benjamin and the tower had had built so he could address the crowd that had gathered to hear him speak.
The apostle of God was speaking at the Stake Center in LAverkin. The wards were broken up and asked to attend assigned buildings to hear conference being broadcast to us wherever we were.
Kind Benjamin from the Book of Mormon had such a crowd gather that he had to have a tower set up so his voice would carry and then he had messengers deliver his message even further to the crowd that still could not hear that had gathered to hear.
So I felt like this is kind of what it must have been like for them. we weren't up close and personal to the apostle, but we were able to hear the address that was for us as God delivered the words to him. Still a great blessing to be there.
President Demille (Stake President)
spoke on the importance of having daily devotional time with God. personal prayer and scripture study. This was also a big part of many other talks this weekend.
Take time to talk to your father in Heaven daily.
Find Peace in doing the right things.
He shared the Poem/ hymn by Janice Kapp Perry "Be still and know that I am God"
to the Youth : Find time to be still and have a daily communication with God.
Braydon Sanders (my neighbor's kid)spoke next.
I have to admit - it is always hard to listen to a kid that you have watched grow up and make mistakes. But it was really cool hearing this young man and see the spiritual growth that has been occurring in him. He is becoming a strong Young Man and that is really cool!
His talk was on service and how he has really enjoyed getting to use the gift of the priesthood power to serve some elderly ladies and bring them the sacrament to their homes and the love that is found through service.
Sister??? Young women president whose name I did not catch
spoke on teaching Children to work and serve
- consistency, repetition and example are key elements
- our own attitude affects how we serve.
I loved this: "pretend you are raising someone else's kids and that their parents are watching you." (isn't this true? we are raising children of God and he is watching us - OUCH!)
Brother Jeppson of the temple presidency
Make your homes a temple-like atmosphere
"a house of order, a house of Learning, a house of God."
Come often to the temple.
Sister Worthen bore her testimony.
Opportunities like this cause one to ask "What do I believe?"
It brings you to your knees to ask and confirm what you believe in.
She also spoke of the importance of personal daily devotional with God.
Brother Worthen
regional representative
we live in a chaotic tumultuous time. how do we respond?
shared a story of a Platoon Sgt talking to a soldier. when you are in the most difficult circumstances, I have one thing to say:
"in combat the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing otherwise, you die."
The main thing: Have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ!
Faith is the opposite of Fear.
"If ye are prepared ye Shall not Fear."
"Prepare every needful thing."
You can prepare for almost everything...
But Just ONE thing is NEEDFUL! - Christ like Love
He shared a story of President Hinckley breaking safety protocols that had been reviewed and carefully planned for his safety when he decided reaching out to a sad widow and turning the wrong direction was more important than protocol - it took him forever to get out of that event.
If you are overwhelmed - find opportunities to serve others.
Sister Holland:
She shared her testimony to the fact that she loves her husband and KNOWS he IS an apostle of God. Very Strong testimony to that fact.
I loved her adoring words regarding their love and the humor as well.
"when I met him he had dimples. those dimples are now filled with my Good Cooking."
He speaks to us as if Jesus Christ were in the very room.
Happiness comes from Love and abiding in the love of Jesus Christ.
The most important thing we can do is Love God and Love each other. Love will cast out all fear.
Brother Holland - of the current 12 apostles on the earth today:
He spoke of how overwhelming his calling is. that it is knee buckling and brings him to his knees.
He spoke of Peter of the New testament that walked with Jesus.
His calling is the same - to testify of Christ and to assist in the leadership of the Church.
He said he understood more of Peter now - that when Christ died - Peter basically gave up and said "let's go fishing - we had a great ride."
Jesus was gone and he was lost.
When Jesus returned and showed himself to them and asked 3 times - do you love me - then feed my sheep.
The calling was the same as it was before. Jesus Christ LIVES! Peter became apostolic at that point. it was no longer just an appointment but became his life.
The question is asked of us: Do YOU love God? If the answer is YES then nothing else matters. If the answer is NO, then nothing else matters.
it is the only question that REALLY matters most. If we love God, we will serve him and keep the commandment.
if we truly LOVED GOD, could it make a difference in the way we lived, served, and in the Global community?
Brother Holland then gave us a blessing for everyone in the area and expressed that there was no limit to this blessing:
To the men: Honor and be worthy of the priesthood. grasp the significance of the priesthood.
They can change the course of history if they step up to the role and duty of the priesthood. Be more like the master that leads us. You will honor the the priesthood and learn patience and love starting in your own families and marriages.
to the women:
(this was powerful for me)
The Gospel has always been the story of women!
Brother Holland is a member of the church because of the strength of a woman in his family history. it was his mother that brought him to church. women carry the banner of faith, hope and charity.
It was his girlfriend who said to serve a mission or she wouldn't marry him. we laughed as he talked about how he .got his papers in for that one.
Women are loved and honored in the church.
He quoted someone as saying. "Mormon men are strong. BUT Mormon WOMEN are incredible!"
to the youth... not sure what he said because at this point my kids that had been REALLY GOOD were now tired of sitting and began fighting. Dane (age 6) comes in my face and says "Ilia Punched me!" Ilia Says "Not hard"
Dane says "I want my seat back"
"I'm hungry,"
I'm tired"
3 babies are crying and my 3 year old is throwing his socks.
funny? sure. or ironic.
I did hear brother Holland say something about needing to read 3rd Nephi Chapter 17 regarding the blessings given to the children when Jesus visited the Americas and gathered the children around him. Looks like I have some reading to do.
Closing thoughts by brother Holland
- Be believing- Love God, Do Good and Feel the hand of God in your lives.
It is a dark and dreary world without the gospel - a reminder not to jump ship in the storm.
and then for those that are questioning the truthfulness of the Gospel he says
"I have NOT given my life to a Fairy tale! I was NOT born yesterday. I have given my life to this gospel of Jesus Christ and will until the day I die. This is the Truth! I declare to you that this is God's Very truth"
This gospel has given me everything.
(he continued his blessing to all of us)
I promise you that if you live righteously - every prayer, every dream you have WILL be realized TENFOLD. It is HIS will.
Amen.
My thoughts - Thank you Lord for sending your servant to share with me thy will.
I recommit myself to doing better at serving my neighbors, being patient and loving with my family and having my personal quiet time with God. I recommit to including God in my hopes and dreams as well.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we do believe in the same organization that existed when Christ was on the earth.
We have a Prophet on the earth as well as 12 apostles that help lead the Church, receive revelation, and speak to us in God's behalf.
Usually our General Conference is when we get to hear from these apostles.
Our smaller "Stake Conferences" are normally area leaders and authorities speaking to us. But this weekend we had one of the 12 apostles of God - much like Peter, James, John, Luke etc... of the New Testament. It was a great privilege to hear an apostle of God speak.
along with him, we heard others speak - not so glamorous - like my neighbor's kid - Braydon Sanders. I know him and have been watching him grow up for the past 6 years. But still, he listened to the spirit and spoke from his hear and did a great job.
Here are my notes from this weekend and what I received from all words and speakers I can remember or took notes of.
Saturday was a crazy busy day. I debated even going to the evening session of our conference. I was tired and cranky and really just wanted to sleep. But I had been feeling kind of... "empty". I needed to be filled. So Bill and I went about 30 minutes late. But we got there.
we sat in the back of the room. I neglected to take good notes but I was impressed with the words of the speaker that was talking when we entered. It was on serving God because of Love for our Savior Jesus Christ. great words great talk. I was in and out of sleep during most of the other speakers. I remember feeling love and warmth even though I was struggling staying awake. I remember brother Worthen being a powerful spiritual speaker, But I can't remember the topic of his talk.
I was glad to be there, but praying I would hear something that was just for me.
Then Brother Holland got up to speak. He set aside his notes and said how he wished there was a living room big enough to sit casually and just talk to us directly. I really felt his love and concern for us. This was not a man here to put on a show, but a man who had prayed for us and what God wanted us to hear today.
he then went on to speak about how each of us hits times of trial - death, loneliness, sadness, financial hardship, problems with kids, problems with marriage. and he talked about the Love God has for broken things.
a few things that stood out to me -
- You don't abandon ship in a storm. Stay in the boat. Just because there is a struggle and you aren't getting things you want right now is not a reason to decide the church isn't true and jump ship. to do so is the most dangerous thing. Stay in the boat and ride out the storm.
- God loves broken things. when you feel broken is when God is most loving it seems. he asked that we bring a broken heart and contrite spirit to him. For anyone to say that because they hurt or are in pain that God must not love them is WRONG!
Then a powerful testimony was shared of how he sat by Prophets of God that were in pain.
Howard W. Hunter Cried out in agony as Cancer ravaged him.
Gordon B. Hinckley would mourn the loss of his wife and go home to an empty house and a can of tuna fish. never was there a lonelier man.
Spencer W. Kimball had every physical difficulty imaginable and experienced suffering of all sort personal, family and physical.
To say that God doesn't love these men because they suffer... is not so.
God LOVES his prophets and they suffered through the ages. when we suffer we must remember that God Loves us still.
I went Home feeling full and refreshed. and then I went to Dairy Queen and ruined it all. (Kidding) It was good to sit with friends afterward and share a good moment.
came home and went to bed.
SUNDAY...
got to conference late, sat in a relief society room where conference was being broadcast over the speaker system. I was actually happy to be in the overflow room as my kids like to make a little noise and the speakers were louder than they were in the main cultural hall where the majority of the congregation sat.
It reminded me of King Benjamin and the tower had had built so he could address the crowd that had gathered to hear him speak.
The apostle of God was speaking at the Stake Center in LAverkin. The wards were broken up and asked to attend assigned buildings to hear conference being broadcast to us wherever we were.
Kind Benjamin from the Book of Mormon had such a crowd gather that he had to have a tower set up so his voice would carry and then he had messengers deliver his message even further to the crowd that still could not hear that had gathered to hear.
So I felt like this is kind of what it must have been like for them. we weren't up close and personal to the apostle, but we were able to hear the address that was for us as God delivered the words to him. Still a great blessing to be there.
President Demille (Stake President)
spoke on the importance of having daily devotional time with God. personal prayer and scripture study. This was also a big part of many other talks this weekend.
Take time to talk to your father in Heaven daily.
Find Peace in doing the right things.
He shared the Poem/ hymn by Janice Kapp Perry "Be still and know that I am God"
to the Youth : Find time to be still and have a daily communication with God.
Braydon Sanders (my neighbor's kid)spoke next.
I have to admit - it is always hard to listen to a kid that you have watched grow up and make mistakes. But it was really cool hearing this young man and see the spiritual growth that has been occurring in him. He is becoming a strong Young Man and that is really cool!
His talk was on service and how he has really enjoyed getting to use the gift of the priesthood power to serve some elderly ladies and bring them the sacrament to their homes and the love that is found through service.
Sister??? Young women president whose name I did not catch
spoke on teaching Children to work and serve
- consistency, repetition and example are key elements
- our own attitude affects how we serve.
I loved this: "pretend you are raising someone else's kids and that their parents are watching you." (isn't this true? we are raising children of God and he is watching us - OUCH!)
Brother Jeppson of the temple presidency
Make your homes a temple-like atmosphere
"a house of order, a house of Learning, a house of God."
Come often to the temple.
Sister Worthen bore her testimony.
Opportunities like this cause one to ask "What do I believe?"
It brings you to your knees to ask and confirm what you believe in.
She also spoke of the importance of personal daily devotional with God.
Brother Worthen
regional representative
we live in a chaotic tumultuous time. how do we respond?
shared a story of a Platoon Sgt talking to a soldier. when you are in the most difficult circumstances, I have one thing to say:
"in combat the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing otherwise, you die."
The main thing: Have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ!
Faith is the opposite of Fear.
"If ye are prepared ye Shall not Fear."
"Prepare every needful thing."
You can prepare for almost everything...
But Just ONE thing is NEEDFUL! - Christ like Love
He shared a story of President Hinckley breaking safety protocols that had been reviewed and carefully planned for his safety when he decided reaching out to a sad widow and turning the wrong direction was more important than protocol - it took him forever to get out of that event.
If you are overwhelmed - find opportunities to serve others.
Sister Holland:
She shared her testimony to the fact that she loves her husband and KNOWS he IS an apostle of God. Very Strong testimony to that fact.
I loved her adoring words regarding their love and the humor as well.
"when I met him he had dimples. those dimples are now filled with my Good Cooking."
He speaks to us as if Jesus Christ were in the very room.
Happiness comes from Love and abiding in the love of Jesus Christ.
The most important thing we can do is Love God and Love each other. Love will cast out all fear.
Brother Holland - of the current 12 apostles on the earth today:
He spoke of how overwhelming his calling is. that it is knee buckling and brings him to his knees.
He spoke of Peter of the New testament that walked with Jesus.
His calling is the same - to testify of Christ and to assist in the leadership of the Church.
He said he understood more of Peter now - that when Christ died - Peter basically gave up and said "let's go fishing - we had a great ride."
Jesus was gone and he was lost.
When Jesus returned and showed himself to them and asked 3 times - do you love me - then feed my sheep.
The calling was the same as it was before. Jesus Christ LIVES! Peter became apostolic at that point. it was no longer just an appointment but became his life.
The question is asked of us: Do YOU love God? If the answer is YES then nothing else matters. If the answer is NO, then nothing else matters.
it is the only question that REALLY matters most. If we love God, we will serve him and keep the commandment.
if we truly LOVED GOD, could it make a difference in the way we lived, served, and in the Global community?
Brother Holland then gave us a blessing for everyone in the area and expressed that there was no limit to this blessing:
To the men: Honor and be worthy of the priesthood. grasp the significance of the priesthood.
They can change the course of history if they step up to the role and duty of the priesthood. Be more like the master that leads us. You will honor the the priesthood and learn patience and love starting in your own families and marriages.
to the women:
(this was powerful for me)
The Gospel has always been the story of women!
Brother Holland is a member of the church because of the strength of a woman in his family history. it was his mother that brought him to church. women carry the banner of faith, hope and charity.
It was his girlfriend who said to serve a mission or she wouldn't marry him. we laughed as he talked about how he .got his papers in for that one.
Women are loved and honored in the church.
He quoted someone as saying. "Mormon men are strong. BUT Mormon WOMEN are incredible!"
to the youth... not sure what he said because at this point my kids that had been REALLY GOOD were now tired of sitting and began fighting. Dane (age 6) comes in my face and says "Ilia Punched me!" Ilia Says "Not hard"
Dane says "I want my seat back"
"I'm hungry,"
I'm tired"
3 babies are crying and my 3 year old is throwing his socks.
funny? sure. or ironic.
I did hear brother Holland say something about needing to read 3rd Nephi Chapter 17 regarding the blessings given to the children when Jesus visited the Americas and gathered the children around him. Looks like I have some reading to do.
Closing thoughts by brother Holland
- Be believing- Love God, Do Good and Feel the hand of God in your lives.
It is a dark and dreary world without the gospel - a reminder not to jump ship in the storm.
and then for those that are questioning the truthfulness of the Gospel he says
"I have NOT given my life to a Fairy tale! I was NOT born yesterday. I have given my life to this gospel of Jesus Christ and will until the day I die. This is the Truth! I declare to you that this is God's Very truth"
This gospel has given me everything.
(he continued his blessing to all of us)
I promise you that if you live righteously - every prayer, every dream you have WILL be realized TENFOLD. It is HIS will.
Amen.
My thoughts - Thank you Lord for sending your servant to share with me thy will.
I recommit myself to doing better at serving my neighbors, being patient and loving with my family and having my personal quiet time with God. I recommit to including God in my hopes and dreams as well.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Rest in Peace Jason Oliver
Yesterday a man died.
Jason was a school buddy from Simi Valley High School class of 1992.
I went to that school from when I moved from Wyoming to California in the spring of 1990 to when I graduated in 1992.
I am not the best kind of friend. I don't carry relationships on very well when it isn't convenient. (facebook is changing that - lol)
I haven't seen or spoken to Jason since our graduation. Facebook was the way we reconnected after 17 years of not speaking or hanging out.
I was saddened beyond what I thought I would be yesterday when he passed away.
My husband asked if I wanted to go to his funeral and how close I was to Jason.
I really don't know how to define the connection I had felt with this man.
I only really knew him for a year and a half of my life.
But they were important years of my life.
Jason was... interesting, funny, strong, powerful, amazing.
I will admit I had a high school crush on him. It broke my heart when I found out he wasn't interested in women. :)
Jason was a political activist - and while I found myself on the opposite side of some major issues, he still acted like a kind loving passionate man who just was doing what he felt was the right thing. As was I.
He used to tell us that he would be President one day. We all KNEW he was the kind of man that could make that happen.
Jason was fearless.
He wore a tie to school every day.
He sang what he felt like when he felt like singing.
He would say what he felt.
Was I close to Jason?
As close as I was to most any other of my Simi High school buddies that I lost contact with after graduation.
Had I ran into him in a mall or post office I would have given him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. And then we would have debated some political issue until I would cave and say "fine - you win."
I adored him.
I was thrilled when I "found" him on facebook. He was one of those people that never leaves your mind. He makes an impression. his smile burns into your heart. You cannot forget that smile.
He was adorable - even when I felt he was wrong. wrong or right. He was a powerhouse of a man. He deserves to be honored.
I don't know if I will go to his funeral or not.
But either way, I want the world to know...
Jason had strength.
His smile still is in my heart.
Rest in peace amazing, wonderful Jason.
Jason was a school buddy from Simi Valley High School class of 1992.
I went to that school from when I moved from Wyoming to California in the spring of 1990 to when I graduated in 1992.
I am not the best kind of friend. I don't carry relationships on very well when it isn't convenient. (facebook is changing that - lol)
I haven't seen or spoken to Jason since our graduation. Facebook was the way we reconnected after 17 years of not speaking or hanging out.
I was saddened beyond what I thought I would be yesterday when he passed away.
My husband asked if I wanted to go to his funeral and how close I was to Jason.
I really don't know how to define the connection I had felt with this man.
I only really knew him for a year and a half of my life.
But they were important years of my life.
Jason was... interesting, funny, strong, powerful, amazing.
I will admit I had a high school crush on him. It broke my heart when I found out he wasn't interested in women. :)
Jason was a political activist - and while I found myself on the opposite side of some major issues, he still acted like a kind loving passionate man who just was doing what he felt was the right thing. As was I.
He used to tell us that he would be President one day. We all KNEW he was the kind of man that could make that happen.
Jason was fearless.
He wore a tie to school every day.
He sang what he felt like when he felt like singing.
He would say what he felt.
Was I close to Jason?
As close as I was to most any other of my Simi High school buddies that I lost contact with after graduation.
Had I ran into him in a mall or post office I would have given him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. And then we would have debated some political issue until I would cave and say "fine - you win."
I adored him.
I was thrilled when I "found" him on facebook. He was one of those people that never leaves your mind. He makes an impression. his smile burns into your heart. You cannot forget that smile.
He was adorable - even when I felt he was wrong. wrong or right. He was a powerhouse of a man. He deserves to be honored.
I don't know if I will go to his funeral or not.
But either way, I want the world to know...
Jason had strength.
His smile still is in my heart.
Rest in peace amazing, wonderful Jason.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Today was Fast Sunday:
In my church the first Sunday of every month is a day to dedicate to prayer for a special purpose and to go without food for a day (or 2 meals in our house).
It is a time of reflection, spiritual growth and of overcoming physical desires. Also on these Sundays there is a time dedicated during our church meetings for people to come up and share the thoughts that are in their hearts or "bare their testimonies".
I had an interesting moment of reflection today. A little over a week ago a woman in my congregation (ward) passed away. She was an older lady and was ready to return to her father in Heaven. Her passing was actually one of joy. At her funeral I was able to be around other women from my ward and we laughed and talked. there were a few tears with those that I hung around. Mostly - it was a joyful return home for her and we knew it.
However - today in church during fast and testimony meeting, I missed this woman... Sister Durtschi. She was one who would take the opportunity every chance she could to share her unwavering testimony of love and joy and faith. She was a rock! Suddenly - I missed her terribly. You never know what an impression someone has left on you until they are gone.
I began to reflect on another sweet lady I had known many many years earlier when I attended Hilliard ward in Southern Wyoming - Sister Martin. She too was a rock of faith and testimony. she was a short heavy set woman that walked with a cane. But she bore her testimony nearly every Sunday and it always started with this: "It is GOOD to be here this BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning." And then she would go on to share with us how wonderful Jesus Christ is and her unwavering testimony in his goodness and mercy and in a living prophet on the earth today and in the Book of Mormon and of the prophet Joseph Smith. She was a powerhouse. I realized today just how much she meant to me. She's been gone for many many years and I left that ward more than 20 years ago. she was gone to her father in Heaven before then. But today I missed Sister Durtschi and so I also missed Sister Martin. 2 amazing old ladies that were widows and strong faithful examples of sharing their love of their savior when the chance was given.
Brother Chuck Hardy got up to speak today and mentioned some of the things that were going on in my mind. I thought it was interesting that he would say the exact thoughts I was thinking. He mentioned that it was interesting not to have Sister D. come up and share her testimony with the rest of us and how someone needed to step up and take her place.
I felt prompted to stand and share my thoughts. I don't think my words came out as I had hoped. My thoughts were these -
You never know how much of an impression someone has made on you until they are gone. Sister Martin in the Hilliard ward was remembered by me today as I looked for the lady that would stand and share her unshaking love of the Savior with all of us. When brother Hardy issued the challenge that someone needed to step up and take her place, I did not think I ever could fill shoes like that, I am weak and struggle with so many issues, I am not on the same playing field as these ladies. I do however, feel the need - the urgency and the importance of sharing my faith in my savior Jesus Christ when the opportunity is given. But I also HOPED that others would see that their testimonies of faith were needed by others as well. I LOVE to hear how my brothers and sister in the gospel of Jesus Christ love the Lord their God. I love to hear how they overcome struggles. I feel so much closer to them and so much more hopeful after testimony meeting.
So I want to thank the Sister Durtschis, Sister Martins, Anna Mays, Daniellas, Brother what's his names and others in my life who have faithfully shared with me and the rest of us their love and faith during fast and testimony meetings. You have left an impression, your words were needed and I thank you for listening to your heart when it said "stand and share".
and to those who have done this in the past and are no longer here - You are forever in my heart. thank you. I have learned so much because of your steadfastness.
In my church the first Sunday of every month is a day to dedicate to prayer for a special purpose and to go without food for a day (or 2 meals in our house).
It is a time of reflection, spiritual growth and of overcoming physical desires. Also on these Sundays there is a time dedicated during our church meetings for people to come up and share the thoughts that are in their hearts or "bare their testimonies".
I had an interesting moment of reflection today. A little over a week ago a woman in my congregation (ward) passed away. She was an older lady and was ready to return to her father in Heaven. Her passing was actually one of joy. At her funeral I was able to be around other women from my ward and we laughed and talked. there were a few tears with those that I hung around. Mostly - it was a joyful return home for her and we knew it.
However - today in church during fast and testimony meeting, I missed this woman... Sister Durtschi. She was one who would take the opportunity every chance she could to share her unwavering testimony of love and joy and faith. She was a rock! Suddenly - I missed her terribly. You never know what an impression someone has left on you until they are gone.
I began to reflect on another sweet lady I had known many many years earlier when I attended Hilliard ward in Southern Wyoming - Sister Martin. She too was a rock of faith and testimony. she was a short heavy set woman that walked with a cane. But she bore her testimony nearly every Sunday and it always started with this: "It is GOOD to be here this BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning." And then she would go on to share with us how wonderful Jesus Christ is and her unwavering testimony in his goodness and mercy and in a living prophet on the earth today and in the Book of Mormon and of the prophet Joseph Smith. She was a powerhouse. I realized today just how much she meant to me. She's been gone for many many years and I left that ward more than 20 years ago. she was gone to her father in Heaven before then. But today I missed Sister Durtschi and so I also missed Sister Martin. 2 amazing old ladies that were widows and strong faithful examples of sharing their love of their savior when the chance was given.
Brother Chuck Hardy got up to speak today and mentioned some of the things that were going on in my mind. I thought it was interesting that he would say the exact thoughts I was thinking. He mentioned that it was interesting not to have Sister D. come up and share her testimony with the rest of us and how someone needed to step up and take her place.
I felt prompted to stand and share my thoughts. I don't think my words came out as I had hoped. My thoughts were these -
You never know how much of an impression someone has made on you until they are gone. Sister Martin in the Hilliard ward was remembered by me today as I looked for the lady that would stand and share her unshaking love of the Savior with all of us. When brother Hardy issued the challenge that someone needed to step up and take her place, I did not think I ever could fill shoes like that, I am weak and struggle with so many issues, I am not on the same playing field as these ladies. I do however, feel the need - the urgency and the importance of sharing my faith in my savior Jesus Christ when the opportunity is given. But I also HOPED that others would see that their testimonies of faith were needed by others as well. I LOVE to hear how my brothers and sister in the gospel of Jesus Christ love the Lord their God. I love to hear how they overcome struggles. I feel so much closer to them and so much more hopeful after testimony meeting.
So I want to thank the Sister Durtschis, Sister Martins, Anna Mays, Daniellas, Brother what's his names and others in my life who have faithfully shared with me and the rest of us their love and faith during fast and testimony meetings. You have left an impression, your words were needed and I thank you for listening to your heart when it said "stand and share".
and to those who have done this in the past and are no longer here - You are forever in my heart. thank you. I have learned so much because of your steadfastness.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Happy valentine's day
I have written and re-written this blog post that I had hoped to dedicate to my husband Bill. I think this is my 5th attempt.
It's hard to find the exact words I want to say to the love of my life.
I met him in 1992. we became great friends and spent a lot of time together. we went Christmas shopping together for his girlfriend and ended up buying matching mats for each other.
I get a smile on my face every time I think about how our relationship started.
I just wanted to make sure the world knew it. but I can't seem to say enough. Or I end up saying it wrong. I love you Bill.
"Te adoro, te admiro, te amo!"
It's hard to find the exact words I want to say to the love of my life.
I met him in 1992. we became great friends and spent a lot of time together. we went Christmas shopping together for his girlfriend and ended up buying matching mats for each other.
I get a smile on my face every time I think about how our relationship started.
I just wanted to make sure the world knew it. but I can't seem to say enough. Or I end up saying it wrong. I love you Bill.
"Te adoro, te admiro, te amo!"
Sunday, February 6, 2011
missing him...
Bill just took the kids to his stepmom's funeralin California. They will be gone for a couple of days.
I miss him terribly. I do adore that man of mine. for all of our differences and struggles - I really do NOT want to be without him ever. He is such a comfort to me when I am down. or lonely.
Bill - I am writing this publicly to you. regardless of my selfish flaws and our differences of opinions, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. thanks for being patient with me as I grow my business and try to figure so many things out. I am so glad you are by my side through all of this.
I love you Bill.
I miss him terribly. I do adore that man of mine. for all of our differences and struggles - I really do NOT want to be without him ever. He is such a comfort to me when I am down. or lonely.
Bill - I am writing this publicly to you. regardless of my selfish flaws and our differences of opinions, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. thanks for being patient with me as I grow my business and try to figure so many things out. I am so glad you are by my side through all of this.
I love you Bill.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Needing a little "growth"
This morning I actually kneeled to pray. Just me. not with my family. solitude and quiet for a brief moment with just me to talk to my maker. As I began this communication I realized how long it had been since I had done this with "just me".
I make sure as a family we say prayers together. I ask my kids to say their prayers before they go to bed and often my hubby and I will pray together - just the 2 of us.
I realized that my personal prayer and scripture study had suffered for the past several months and I began to contemplate why that had happened.
"I'm too busy."
"I'm too tired late at night, or early in the morning is too early"
really that's about it.
Do I know I need it? yup.
Do I know it's good for me? yup.
Do I recognize the difference in my life when I do the things my spiritual being needs me to do? you betcha!
I laughed as these thoughts went through my head. Guess what I hear every day at my work in my personal training center?
Client: Man, it's been forever since I worked out! I really miss it.
ME: where have you been?
them: busy or tired or overworked...
Me: do you want to get back into it?
Them: YOU BETCHA! I really love how I feel and notice the difference in my life when I exercise.
the conversation I had with My Heavenly Father was the same:
ME: Man, It's Been forever since I worked on increasing my individual Spirituality.
GOD:Where have you been?
Me: Busy or too tired to wake up early or stay up late. sometimes I was just plain lazy.
GOD: Do you want me in your life?
Me: YOU BETCHA! I love how much better I feel when I am closer to you.
So, I am doing what I ask my clients to do.
1 - find out if this really is important to me and why
(I love how I feel when my spiritual being is in tune. I feel more direction and purpose and "whole". I want this badly)
2 - define some attainable action steps to develop a new habit
(I can read daily even if it just a favorite Verse. I can pray daily even if it is just to Tell God Thank you for what I have. I can attend the temple once a month even if it is just me alone.)
3 - celebrate the journey to a better me.
( I will celebrate a better me each month after going to the temple by allowing myself to eat out at a favorite restaurant for lunch or dinner and getting a dessert once a month since I normally don't do that)
4 - recognize stumbling blocks along the way as such not as ROAD BLOCKS.
(Roda blocks keep you from continuing your journey forward. stumbling blocks just slow you down but can be overcome with some effort.)
5 - adjust when needed
(take a look at schedules and energy and time commitment and change things up as my life changes in order to overcome those stumbling blocks.)
I have to laugh at myself a little. I really do relate a lot of life experiences to exercise and working out and how it is the same. self development is the same no matter what area of life you are working on. Goal setting and self improvement steps go across the board in all areas of your life.
- physical
- spiritual
- financial
- family
- personal relationships
- education
etc...
If you want to grow in any area of life that has been on hold or neglected, you must decide what is important and how you will grow in those areas.
I have a LOT to work on. Physically I am doing better than I have in MANY MANY MANY years. But there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
I believe life is meant to be a continual climb toward a better and better existence. I believe that is the purpose of this life - to be better than we were. backsliding does not mean the journey is over any more than getting lost on a trip somewhere means to quit the journey.
when on a trip and you take a wrong road or a tire goes flat, you fix the problem. you may have lost time, but the journey always goes on. SO it is in any area of our life. I have hit a bump in the road and taken a wrong turn for a short detour. But it's time to get back on track and continue the journey.
I make sure as a family we say prayers together. I ask my kids to say their prayers before they go to bed and often my hubby and I will pray together - just the 2 of us.
I realized that my personal prayer and scripture study had suffered for the past several months and I began to contemplate why that had happened.
"I'm too busy."
"I'm too tired late at night, or early in the morning is too early"
really that's about it.
Do I know I need it? yup.
Do I know it's good for me? yup.
Do I recognize the difference in my life when I do the things my spiritual being needs me to do? you betcha!
I laughed as these thoughts went through my head. Guess what I hear every day at my work in my personal training center?
Client: Man, it's been forever since I worked out! I really miss it.
ME: where have you been?
them: busy or tired or overworked...
Me: do you want to get back into it?
Them: YOU BETCHA! I really love how I feel and notice the difference in my life when I exercise.
the conversation I had with My Heavenly Father was the same:
ME: Man, It's Been forever since I worked on increasing my individual Spirituality.
GOD:Where have you been?
Me: Busy or too tired to wake up early or stay up late. sometimes I was just plain lazy.
GOD: Do you want me in your life?
Me: YOU BETCHA! I love how much better I feel when I am closer to you.
So, I am doing what I ask my clients to do.
1 - find out if this really is important to me and why
(I love how I feel when my spiritual being is in tune. I feel more direction and purpose and "whole". I want this badly)
2 - define some attainable action steps to develop a new habit
(I can read daily even if it just a favorite Verse. I can pray daily even if it is just to Tell God Thank you for what I have. I can attend the temple once a month even if it is just me alone.)
3 - celebrate the journey to a better me.
( I will celebrate a better me each month after going to the temple by allowing myself to eat out at a favorite restaurant for lunch or dinner and getting a dessert once a month since I normally don't do that)
4 - recognize stumbling blocks along the way as such not as ROAD BLOCKS.
(Roda blocks keep you from continuing your journey forward. stumbling blocks just slow you down but can be overcome with some effort.)
5 - adjust when needed
(take a look at schedules and energy and time commitment and change things up as my life changes in order to overcome those stumbling blocks.)
I have to laugh at myself a little. I really do relate a lot of life experiences to exercise and working out and how it is the same. self development is the same no matter what area of life you are working on. Goal setting and self improvement steps go across the board in all areas of your life.
- physical
- spiritual
- financial
- family
- personal relationships
- education
etc...
If you want to grow in any area of life that has been on hold or neglected, you must decide what is important and how you will grow in those areas.
I have a LOT to work on. Physically I am doing better than I have in MANY MANY MANY years. But there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
I believe life is meant to be a continual climb toward a better and better existence. I believe that is the purpose of this life - to be better than we were. backsliding does not mean the journey is over any more than getting lost on a trip somewhere means to quit the journey.
when on a trip and you take a wrong road or a tire goes flat, you fix the problem. you may have lost time, but the journey always goes on. SO it is in any area of our life. I have hit a bump in the road and taken a wrong turn for a short detour. But it's time to get back on track and continue the journey.
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