Yesterday my husband and I were driving home from a baptismal service when I saw smoke. Initially whenever I see smoke I assume someone is just burning weeds and all is well. I was half right. someone was burning weeds - during dry season - fire season - in a residential neighborhood - without a burn permit - during 110 degree weather - in the desert - on a hill with lots of tall dead grass - right under my friend Ann Wixom's home.
We were among the first responders to the scene. Steve Leavenworth assisted Ann and Rick Wixom in getting their family out of the house. Bill (my husband) began looking for water hoses and assisting neighbors in drenching whatever they could to reduce the spread of the fire. They tried to move Ricks vehicles out of the driveway, but the keys were left in the house and the first car in the driveway they were unable to get the steering wheel unlocked and in neutral. so the cars stayed where they were and the guys went on to work on everything else. Bill was in his suit and tie and I was in high heels and a dress. It was touching to see several men in suits and ties that responded to the smoke just get right to work on assisting with anything they could do. Unfortunately the house was too dangerous to enter in again to rescue anything. The Wixoms barely got out with just their family. they got one of their 2 dogs out, but the other dog wouldn't go with them and they couldn't get their cat.
Ann and Rick and the 3 kids that were home sat on a neighbor's lawn with no shoes on their feet, no cell phones, and sobbed about the dog and cat they had to leave behind as they watched the flames engulf their home. I loaned my cell phone to Ann so she could call Rick's mother Lorraine to come get the kids.
I felt so helpless watching my friend in shock as she watched her house burn - watching the little girls sob about their dog and all the things they love going up in smoke. The girls sobs really got to me the most: "my dog is my best friend and I will never see him again - my grandma bought me my favorite toy and it's gone - my swimsuit is in that fire - everything I love is gone! - the toy I sleep with that makes me feel better is gone - we don't have a place to live anymore!" she just kept going and going with big crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks. Her Mom and dad tried to comfort her but were in shock themselves. Ann was sobbing about her dog and cat and so couldn't be a comfort to her girls right then either.
I kept thinking about when I learned my dog had died when I was a little girl and how we had made up a story about how he had run away to find an epic journey somewhere else. So I started making up a story about how the dog will have jumped out a window unnoticed and ran far away. No matter whatever happened to the dog - they need to think he got away safely even if they never see it again.
Lorraine Wixom(Grandma - Rick's mother) came and got Ann and the 3 kids and took them to her house - still with no shoes on their feet.
I was looking for Bill so that we could go back home to our own kids. I couldn't find him anywhere. I asked everyone I saw if they knew where Bill was. no-one on the top of the Hill had seen my husband for quite some time. But I knew where the man I married would be. He would be in the thick of things, in his suit, in the mud helping the neighbors hose down their homes. He would be ruining his church clothes without a second thought. That is why I love him. Well, It's just ONE of the reasons why anyway. He's a good man with a big heart. Or maybe he just wanted the thrill of getting into it and seeing what he could do to stop the fire. either way, I know my man and I knew where he was even when I had no idea where he was. You know what I mean?
The feeling of helplessness is consuming.
I cried with Ann. I didn't know what else to do. I needed to do something.
Often times people that want to help do the wrong thing or overstep the family's comfort level. I felt awkward. Here I was in High Heels and a dress unable to get down the Hill - unable to comfort a family I love and just not knowing what to do.
In our church, the woman's organization - the Relief Society - is usually the group to organize efforts and do something for families in need. I didn't know who Ann's RS president was, But I knew ours was having a wedding reception for her son.
I went over to Lorraine's home and asked her what I could do. The sweet woman was overwhelmed. She had no idea what to do next. She had her grandbabies and her Baby (A now grown man) that she was in shock with. What do you do? You're a single woman and have just taken in a family to your home without notice. You love them and will do anything for them. But what now?
I realized that these guys had no shoes - no clothes to change into - no clean underwear - no toothbrushes.
I Got the family's sizes and e-mailed them to my RS president and I told some neighbors to look for anything they had on hand to bring over to them.
I went home and told my rentor downstairs and Her cute little Girl (Kirsten) went to work looking for toys, shoes and clothes she could part with. My Daughter Ilia also went through her clothes and found a few cute things she could give away. She also took 3 of her favorite Barbies and put them in the donation bag.
I went back to Lorraine's house and brought the supplies over. The girls were thrilled. I had nothing for the teenage boys though. My kids were too little to give hand-me-downs to teenage boys.
The look on the Girl's faces made my day. I kept getting hugs from the youngest. She was so sweet. I fell in love with that little girl.
I went into the kitchen and asked Lorraine what she had planned for dinner. She was just starting to get a pot out to start spaghetti. But I looked at her and realized, she was really struggling with wrapping her head around everything. what a challenge for her to have to think about dinner when she was dealing with her family. I know the last thing I would want to do would be to prepare a big meal for a family and have to do dishes when I really just want to hold my family.
I told her we would get some Pizza and got the order from the teenagers what their favorite was.
My neighbors, Christy and Joe Webb helped pitch in for a Pizza for the kids.
on the way to pick up the Pizza I was hit with the thought that I Should stop by our local grocery store (Farmer's Market) and see if they could do anything for the family.
What a great local business. when I told them the story of what had just happened, they told me to take a cart and get whatever they thought would help this family and they would cover it for them.
COOL!
I wasn't sure how generous they had wanted to be and I wanted to make sure the family had enough for a couple of days while they figured out what next. PLUS I didn't have a lot of time since I still needed to go pick up the Pizza. So I grabbed a watermelon, some carrots, salad bags, bananas - that's the healthy side of me. and then the mom kicked in
peanut butter
bread
jelly
cereal
milk
already made orange juice
frozen lasagna
chips and salsa
string cheese
goldfish crackers
and then the grandma thought came in
they need a cake
soda
and paper goods
who wants to do dishes??
I am sure there were other things as well that I loaded into the cart.
I then went and got the Pizza, took all the food over to the family.
Bishop Stackhouse and his wife Daniella were over there. as well as someone else bringing a bag of stuff for the family. People were fast to respond to the family's needs.
The Boys cheered when they saw the Pizza. the girls had bonded with me and they were excited to show me the new clothes and shoes they had.
I told the family how Farmers Market (local grocery store) had donated all this food for them. One of the teenage boys that was helping haul groceries in with me said "you know, I guess things like this help people come together." a mature thought from a teenage boy that just lost his home. good kid.
I didn't get back to my own family until close to 9:00pm. Joe and Christy Webb had made my family dinner. I love those guys.
There was a moment yesterday as I was holding the little girls and they were sobbing that I told them that as sad as it was that their house was gone, they would soon found out how much people love them, that friends would help them out and that the community would do anything for them they could. this is a time when they will feel more love from other people.
and it's true.
I have been so impressed by the love and generosity of everyone in the church, neighborhood and surrounding community including business owners.
Ann and Rick's son went on for a little bit as he discussed the sad but necessary purpose of this fire. It really does bring out good in people, generally speaking.
They will end up being ok because they are a strong family with a lot of love, but also because of the love the community has for them.
If you are in the neighborhood and read this blog in time. there will be a bake sale Monday June 27th at the Farmer's Market in LaVerkin Utah. If you want to help out in some other way - feel free to email me or comment on this blog and I will see if I can point you in the right direction to assist them.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Deja vu...
I had this deja vu moment yesterday that was what I consider amazing. But I have to premise the story by telling you where I was when I had the “flash forward” (ever watch that show? I love it) or “future dream” or “misplaced memory” or whatever you want to call what it is when you have a glimpse into the future for a brief moment sometimes years before you have the experience that you call deja vu.
Six years ago I lived in a 2 bedroom town home with 3 kids. I was very successful in my Creative Memories (party plan scrapbooking) Career as a Leader. I was able to pay the bills on my income and LOVED teaching and training a team. I saw myself doing it for the REST of my life. I was a die hard “why would anyone leave this?” kind of leader.
I had a dream/flash forward right around that time. The dream was this:
I was in a fitness studio with a boy about 12 years old that was severely obese and his mother – also obese. I was conducting a fitness test and talking to him about how cool it was that he had lost 10% body fat and he was stronger and same with his mom. I was telling him how proud of him I was... and then I looked at the clock...
It was after 6:00pm. I was supposed to be home at 6:00. my kids were home alone and I thought to myself. “crap, I'm late and my kids are alone I need to rush this fitness test.” and then in my Flash Forward 6 years ago this amazing feeling of peace came over me and a whispering to my heart that said “your kids will be ok. This boy needs you right now at this moment. Your kids are fine.” I remember after that weird flash forward moment thinking to myself “that's weird. I don't know what that was about, I would never do anything other than Creative Memories. I would never leave my kids alone. It would never be OK.” I was kind of freaked out by the “dream” and rejected it as anything of value in my world.
So... Guess what happened to me yesterday?
Give up?
I was in my fitness studio that I have been running since November 2009. There was this young man and his mother and I was trying to hurry through their fitness assessments. I was impressed by the progress the young man was making and I began talking to him when I looked at the clock and thought...”Crap, I'm late and my kids are alone. I need to rush this fitness test along.” when all of a sudden this feeling came over me. It was a peaceful whispering to my heart and the feeling that entered my mind were this: “ You are where you are needed right now. This boy needs you. Your kids will be fine.”
I was floored. I had that moment of “I've had this experience before” and it all came flooding back at once, where I was when I had that “flash forward” , my thoughts then and the rejection of it.
I took a look around at my life... Choosing to let go of being a leader with a company I was with for so long (creative memories) was a hard choice. It was HARD to decide to go to a “job” that would take me out of the home more than a few hours a week once or twice a week. I put in long hours and I ask a lot of my kids to make the household work.
At times I feel a little guilty. BUT – I also feel like I am doing what God wants me to do. When I had the impression that I needed to get back into personal training it was an overwhelming all consuming feeling that I could not shake. I tried to keep God as my focus when going forward with all of this. I try hard not to let my ambition get in the way of being a mother. It is a TOUGH balancing act to do both without compromising one. I often feel like one of them has to give more than I want more often than I want.
With my husband traveling for work and being gone this past week,it was especially hard on me to go to my fitness studio knowing my kids would be fending for themselves for dinner.
Luckily, I do have amazing kids. I am only 2 minutes away, so in an emergency I can get home fast. and my 12 year old is usually a good babysitter.
They have been working hard. We have good days and bad days at home. But they are doing things that amaze me.
And then there is the reward of the work I do...
this kid and his mom... where do I begin...
they are typical clients for me: Obese, never really pushed themselves too hard, fast food and soda is a typical meal, video games and TV and facebook as typical pasttimes... actually a very typical view of the American way of life as it is today.
So... they both lost weight (nice)
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY - their heart rates went from off the chart HORRIBLE to ATHLETIC levels! The son lost 10% of body fat!
They were able to do more of exercises that on day one they would have collapsed trying even ONE!
The young man and his mom left saying thank you after I made them sweat like dogs and pushing a little harder to get the work done.
It was an amazing moment for me. Then I went home and did a load of laundry and cooked some tomatoe soup and some sandwiches and cut up some kiwi for dinner.
My days are tough. I wake up at 5am and get off to bootcamp. After Bootcamp I do long distance running training until I need to get into the office at 7am and do some training until my replacement at 9am. Then I go home throw in some laundry kiss the family, make some breakfast we eat and pray and read scriptures together and discuss the day and I am off again – this time with the 2 year old in tow and we head back to my fitness studio where he goes to the play room I created for him and I train clients from around 11am until I take a lunch break during a dead moment. I then take the baby home For my oldest to babysit and I get my dog (so my 2 year old doesn't let him loose in the streets) and he sits next to my desk at the fitness studio the rest of the day while I again train clients. I get home around 6pm, switch the laundry, cook some dinner and clean up the disaster area of a house that is typically created due to my absence. If there are no meetings or other classes this is my down time to spend with my kids. We hug and wrestle and laugh and dance and lip sync. And then we crash. I am asleep by 10pm normally. And that is my life. And I LOVE IT!
All in all - I feel good about where I am.
That dejavu moment was really cool to help me to reflect on the positve things that are happening and why I do what I do.
So whatever the science is behind it, thanks! I appreciate it! I actually feel like it was God's way of saying I had chosen the right path. pretty cool if you ask me.
Six years ago I lived in a 2 bedroom town home with 3 kids. I was very successful in my Creative Memories (party plan scrapbooking) Career as a Leader. I was able to pay the bills on my income and LOVED teaching and training a team. I saw myself doing it for the REST of my life. I was a die hard “why would anyone leave this?” kind of leader.
I had a dream/flash forward right around that time. The dream was this:
I was in a fitness studio with a boy about 12 years old that was severely obese and his mother – also obese. I was conducting a fitness test and talking to him about how cool it was that he had lost 10% body fat and he was stronger and same with his mom. I was telling him how proud of him I was... and then I looked at the clock...
It was after 6:00pm. I was supposed to be home at 6:00. my kids were home alone and I thought to myself. “crap, I'm late and my kids are alone I need to rush this fitness test.” and then in my Flash Forward 6 years ago this amazing feeling of peace came over me and a whispering to my heart that said “your kids will be ok. This boy needs you right now at this moment. Your kids are fine.” I remember after that weird flash forward moment thinking to myself “that's weird. I don't know what that was about, I would never do anything other than Creative Memories. I would never leave my kids alone. It would never be OK.” I was kind of freaked out by the “dream” and rejected it as anything of value in my world.
So... Guess what happened to me yesterday?
Give up?
I was in my fitness studio that I have been running since November 2009. There was this young man and his mother and I was trying to hurry through their fitness assessments. I was impressed by the progress the young man was making and I began talking to him when I looked at the clock and thought...”Crap, I'm late and my kids are alone. I need to rush this fitness test along.” when all of a sudden this feeling came over me. It was a peaceful whispering to my heart and the feeling that entered my mind were this: “ You are where you are needed right now. This boy needs you. Your kids will be fine.”
I was floored. I had that moment of “I've had this experience before” and it all came flooding back at once, where I was when I had that “flash forward” , my thoughts then and the rejection of it.
I took a look around at my life... Choosing to let go of being a leader with a company I was with for so long (creative memories) was a hard choice. It was HARD to decide to go to a “job” that would take me out of the home more than a few hours a week once or twice a week. I put in long hours and I ask a lot of my kids to make the household work.
At times I feel a little guilty. BUT – I also feel like I am doing what God wants me to do. When I had the impression that I needed to get back into personal training it was an overwhelming all consuming feeling that I could not shake. I tried to keep God as my focus when going forward with all of this. I try hard not to let my ambition get in the way of being a mother. It is a TOUGH balancing act to do both without compromising one. I often feel like one of them has to give more than I want more often than I want.
With my husband traveling for work and being gone this past week,it was especially hard on me to go to my fitness studio knowing my kids would be fending for themselves for dinner.
Luckily, I do have amazing kids. I am only 2 minutes away, so in an emergency I can get home fast. and my 12 year old is usually a good babysitter.
They have been working hard. We have good days and bad days at home. But they are doing things that amaze me.
And then there is the reward of the work I do...
this kid and his mom... where do I begin...
they are typical clients for me: Obese, never really pushed themselves too hard, fast food and soda is a typical meal, video games and TV and facebook as typical pasttimes... actually a very typical view of the American way of life as it is today.
So... they both lost weight (nice)
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY - their heart rates went from off the chart HORRIBLE to ATHLETIC levels! The son lost 10% of body fat!
They were able to do more of exercises that on day one they would have collapsed trying even ONE!
The young man and his mom left saying thank you after I made them sweat like dogs and pushing a little harder to get the work done.
It was an amazing moment for me. Then I went home and did a load of laundry and cooked some tomatoe soup and some sandwiches and cut up some kiwi for dinner.
My days are tough. I wake up at 5am and get off to bootcamp. After Bootcamp I do long distance running training until I need to get into the office at 7am and do some training until my replacement at 9am. Then I go home throw in some laundry kiss the family, make some breakfast we eat and pray and read scriptures together and discuss the day and I am off again – this time with the 2 year old in tow and we head back to my fitness studio where he goes to the play room I created for him and I train clients from around 11am until I take a lunch break during a dead moment. I then take the baby home For my oldest to babysit and I get my dog (so my 2 year old doesn't let him loose in the streets) and he sits next to my desk at the fitness studio the rest of the day while I again train clients. I get home around 6pm, switch the laundry, cook some dinner and clean up the disaster area of a house that is typically created due to my absence. If there are no meetings or other classes this is my down time to spend with my kids. We hug and wrestle and laugh and dance and lip sync. And then we crash. I am asleep by 10pm normally. And that is my life. And I LOVE IT!
All in all - I feel good about where I am.
That dejavu moment was really cool to help me to reflect on the positve things that are happening and why I do what I do.
So whatever the science is behind it, thanks! I appreciate it! I actually feel like it was God's way of saying I had chosen the right path. pretty cool if you ask me.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A story...
Once upon a time there was a young maiden and a handsome knight. The maiden loved to dance, and run and play with her friends. One day she fell in love deeper than she could ever have imagined. She had loved before but never like this. She spent her days with this wonderful knight in shining armor and left her friends and dancing and running days behind her. The 2 were married and lived in a humble cottage that seemed like a castle to her. In her world all that mattered was that the 2 of them were together. Nothing else mattered, she had her knight in shining armor she had dreamed of and nothing would change her feeling for him. He worked and she worked and they returned to each other’s arms at the end of the day. It was heaven. Then the maiden’s life changed. A child was born, she quit her work and stayed home with her baby. She loved her baby as much as she loved her knight. But life changed. The maiden and the knight decided together that her job was to be home with their child teaching and raising their kids while the knight’s job was to be out in the world – slaying dragons and providing the family with their needs. More children came to the maiden and the knight. And difficult times began to arise in their dream land.
The years went by…
Although the maiden had agreed to be home with the children, she missed her days of dancing and running and she missed her friends. The handsome knight couldn’t understand. After all, she had him. Wasn’t that enough? It was for a while, but for some reason the maiden now saw she was missing who she once was and longed for her old friendships and hobbies she loved before she met her handsome knight. The maiden also learned that caring for the children sometimes was a really difficult job. She would burst into tears some days as she cleaned filth she never had envisioned in her future life as a mother and wife. The handsome knight tried to understand but he was away most of the day and only longed to be held by the maiden who was now tired and spent from comforting, feeding and cleaning their children. He had no idea she had been crying while he was away at work. The maiden found her old friends, other maidens that had married their princes and knights and they found out they were very much the same. Many maidens were holding back tears from the love of their life. Many were hiding the sorrow they felt at not living the dream life they pictured they would have. Some beautiful maidens now suffered from something even darker; a dragon had entered their homes secretly and quietly and lived invisibly in their homes, this breed of dragon was called depression. As the maidens found time to spend together, they found that this breed of dragon was more common than the common mouse. It lived quietly and secretly in more homes than most husbands were aware. The maiden and some of her friends sought for ways to fight this evil breed of dragon. Some found that they needed to bring back old hobbies, some found they needed to just have a good friend. Some found they needed to develop their talents of dancing and singing once again. The maidens that turned to each other found they could often times defeat the dragon called depression. But some maidens could not.
The young maiden of our story was able to fend off her dragon and even rid her home entirely of this dragon for a season. She found she loved getting other maidens together to reminisce good times captured in photography and assisted them in making their pictures into priceless treasures. This brought her great joy and she was at peace once again as she pursued her love of life with her friends. She was better able to be a mother and the lovely maiden her knight hoped she could be and she too hoped she could be. The maiden learned how to trust her knight and in his ability to care for her and their children.
The knight and the maiden I would like to say, lived happily ever after. But years went by. And as things often do for most people, they also did for this beautiful pair, life changed once again. The years of going off to work and slaying dragons ended for the knight suddenly one day. A terribly mighty dragon that no-one had seen coming flew into a castle in a city far away and destroyed the work the knight had. In a day, his ability to care for his family was ruined. The maiden was expecting their 3rd child and was already worried about her ability to care for another baby when she was still trying to get used to her 2 wild boys. And now her knight was not able to go out and provide for them? More dragons entered their home: resentment, anger, and depression came back as well. These were mean ugly dragons that tried desperately to destroy the love the maiden and the knight had for each other. The dark forces sent the meanest ugliest dragons possible to destroy love and hope. The knight did everything he could think of to try and take care of his young family, but some days he could not do enough. Food became scarce at times as work was difficult to find. The young couple would take time to discuss what they needed to do and ended up angry at each other. He couldn’t provide like she had hoped and she wasn’t saving them money in ways he had hoped.
The dragon of resentment grew stronger and stronger. One day the maiden found herself reflecting on the way her life had changed. What had happened to the young girl who stayed out til 3 or 4 in the morning dancing with her friends? What happened to the lovely girl that ran and exercised and took care of herself. She looked in the mirror and saw a sad matronly looking woman she didn’t recognize as the maiden she used to see in the mirror. She was sad and lonely and resented her knight for not taking care of her like he promised. She thought of the princes that had courted her and wondered if life would have been different had she chosen one of them. She got into her carriage one day and started to drive away from her home. The maiden was unaware of the dragon that was pulling the carriage. She thought it was her hopes and dreams moving her vehicle when indeed it was a dragon called resentment. As she drove away, she thought of the destroyed floors in her castle that her children had desecrated. She thought of the long nights with crying kids and scribbled on walls. And she thought of the knight that came home exhausted and impatient with her with barely enough money and sometimes none at all to buy needed provisions. She wanted to leave it all and seek out one of those princes. The ones that had all the money and bigger castles. She thought about the what-ifs and continued her drive. Suddenly she stopped and began to cry large tears as she realized that an evil dragon was pulling her carriage, not her hopes and dreams, but a viscous, angry beast bent on destruction was pulling her away from her family. She stopped and cried and opened her heart to the heavens. There was a long conversation she had with the one that would listen to her no matter where she was. She looked to be alone, but she knew she was not and she continued her crying and pleading that she needed to have to defeat this demon dragon.
She drove her carriage home. This time fueled by hopes and dreams even though she was returning to what she had viewed as her nightmare: a home with messy loud children that disobeyed her, an empty fridge and empty wallet and a tired overworked and underpaid knight that could never fully understand why she was so angry at him. In fact she couldn’t fully understand it either.
She returned home. No one was aware of her intentions she had earlier of leaving. No one knew, not her knight, not her kids, not her best friends or the leaders of her church. No one knew her pain that day.
But she was resolute that she would change things. The maiden could not change her handsome knight’s ability to find work. She could not change her Children’s behavior, she could not change the past. And she knew that if she sought for something different as far as her choice of husband and family was concerned, she would only find a greater meaner dragon of suffering called “regret” should she leave what she had.
No, instead the maiden had to learn how to become some sort of knight. A maiden warrior as well. She had to learn to fight for herself. She began to learn more about her talents that the heavens had bestowed on her to develop and share. She learned more about the love her handsome knight needed to be what she hoped he could be one day. She learned that there was no fantasy story she could live in and that her hope for that kind of life would only bring the dragon of resentment back into her home.
She also learned that to become a warrior maiden took something she had no idea she had: strength, determination and a fierce drive to do what the heavens hoped for her.
The maiden found herself on her knees asking the heavens to give her gifts she needed to fight dragons she never knew existed when she was a child. Her days of running in the mountains free of worries and dragons were over. They would never return. Her life was something different now. It was a time of fighting for her life and her family’s. And yet in the fight she found something else, she was stronger than she knew she was. She found amazing joy in her children now that she had not felt before when wasn’t a warrior. As a new warrior maiden life was more full, amazing and beautiful. She saw the dragons, she knew what they were capable of doing to her if she forgot her strength and power the heavens had given her. She learned to appreciate and love her knight more as they became warriors together. The dragon of resentment lost his power as she became something new, strong and wonderful. Her knight became more powerful too. His strength increased as his love for her increased. He watched her develop into a beautiful and powerful woman that could stand by his side. She was no longer standing behind him watching him fight powerful demons alone and fearful, she was next to him as was her rightful place. And their love for each other grew more each day. The joy in their hearts increased as they learned of the power they had always been given from the Heavens that could only happen when they learned how to stand next to each other instead of behind one another. It was a powerful kind of force never witnessed before by either of them. As this power grew, the young maiden was more able to see her life as something new and wonderful.
One day the maiden stood in the middle of her home watching her rambunctious noisy kids jump on the furniture and yelling nonsensical words at each other. There they were – the same kind of creatures that years before sent her into tears with their messes and noise. But now she could stand and laugh with them. These amazing creatures brought her joy… something she had not seen in them years before. She stood by her husband and wonderful amazing knight in shining armor and she laughed out loud with him as she looked at her house with the drawings on the wall and the stained carpets and the messed up hair on her kids. It wasn’t the picture she had in her mind as an 18 year old innocent maiden before she had met seriously mean dragons. It was better! She was different, she had learned and she knew where she was meant to go from here.
I would like to say “and they lived Happily ever after…” but the truth is, they are still going forward fighting the dragons that never seem to go completely away. It seems each day brings a new kind of dragon. The dark force continually sends out other Dragons the 2 of them have to learn to fight together. And the maiden learned that many Princes she once thought she could have been with to protect her with their wealth had crumbled under the crushing blows of a variety of dragons she and her knight were fighting together. She was so happy to be with her handsome, strong and determined knight. That although the heavens had not blessed them with gold and precious gems, her knight had been given other gifts of strength needed for a true warrior. And she was glad to by his side – the love of her life…
The years went by…
Although the maiden had agreed to be home with the children, she missed her days of dancing and running and she missed her friends. The handsome knight couldn’t understand. After all, she had him. Wasn’t that enough? It was for a while, but for some reason the maiden now saw she was missing who she once was and longed for her old friendships and hobbies she loved before she met her handsome knight. The maiden also learned that caring for the children sometimes was a really difficult job. She would burst into tears some days as she cleaned filth she never had envisioned in her future life as a mother and wife. The handsome knight tried to understand but he was away most of the day and only longed to be held by the maiden who was now tired and spent from comforting, feeding and cleaning their children. He had no idea she had been crying while he was away at work. The maiden found her old friends, other maidens that had married their princes and knights and they found out they were very much the same. Many maidens were holding back tears from the love of their life. Many were hiding the sorrow they felt at not living the dream life they pictured they would have. Some beautiful maidens now suffered from something even darker; a dragon had entered their homes secretly and quietly and lived invisibly in their homes, this breed of dragon was called depression. As the maidens found time to spend together, they found that this breed of dragon was more common than the common mouse. It lived quietly and secretly in more homes than most husbands were aware. The maiden and some of her friends sought for ways to fight this evil breed of dragon. Some found that they needed to bring back old hobbies, some found they needed to just have a good friend. Some found they needed to develop their talents of dancing and singing once again. The maidens that turned to each other found they could often times defeat the dragon called depression. But some maidens could not.
The young maiden of our story was able to fend off her dragon and even rid her home entirely of this dragon for a season. She found she loved getting other maidens together to reminisce good times captured in photography and assisted them in making their pictures into priceless treasures. This brought her great joy and she was at peace once again as she pursued her love of life with her friends. She was better able to be a mother and the lovely maiden her knight hoped she could be and she too hoped she could be. The maiden learned how to trust her knight and in his ability to care for her and their children.
The knight and the maiden I would like to say, lived happily ever after. But years went by. And as things often do for most people, they also did for this beautiful pair, life changed once again. The years of going off to work and slaying dragons ended for the knight suddenly one day. A terribly mighty dragon that no-one had seen coming flew into a castle in a city far away and destroyed the work the knight had. In a day, his ability to care for his family was ruined. The maiden was expecting their 3rd child and was already worried about her ability to care for another baby when she was still trying to get used to her 2 wild boys. And now her knight was not able to go out and provide for them? More dragons entered their home: resentment, anger, and depression came back as well. These were mean ugly dragons that tried desperately to destroy the love the maiden and the knight had for each other. The dark forces sent the meanest ugliest dragons possible to destroy love and hope. The knight did everything he could think of to try and take care of his young family, but some days he could not do enough. Food became scarce at times as work was difficult to find. The young couple would take time to discuss what they needed to do and ended up angry at each other. He couldn’t provide like she had hoped and she wasn’t saving them money in ways he had hoped.
The dragon of resentment grew stronger and stronger. One day the maiden found herself reflecting on the way her life had changed. What had happened to the young girl who stayed out til 3 or 4 in the morning dancing with her friends? What happened to the lovely girl that ran and exercised and took care of herself. She looked in the mirror and saw a sad matronly looking woman she didn’t recognize as the maiden she used to see in the mirror. She was sad and lonely and resented her knight for not taking care of her like he promised. She thought of the princes that had courted her and wondered if life would have been different had she chosen one of them. She got into her carriage one day and started to drive away from her home. The maiden was unaware of the dragon that was pulling the carriage. She thought it was her hopes and dreams moving her vehicle when indeed it was a dragon called resentment. As she drove away, she thought of the destroyed floors in her castle that her children had desecrated. She thought of the long nights with crying kids and scribbled on walls. And she thought of the knight that came home exhausted and impatient with her with barely enough money and sometimes none at all to buy needed provisions. She wanted to leave it all and seek out one of those princes. The ones that had all the money and bigger castles. She thought about the what-ifs and continued her drive. Suddenly she stopped and began to cry large tears as she realized that an evil dragon was pulling her carriage, not her hopes and dreams, but a viscous, angry beast bent on destruction was pulling her away from her family. She stopped and cried and opened her heart to the heavens. There was a long conversation she had with the one that would listen to her no matter where she was. She looked to be alone, but she knew she was not and she continued her crying and pleading that she needed to have to defeat this demon dragon.
She drove her carriage home. This time fueled by hopes and dreams even though she was returning to what she had viewed as her nightmare: a home with messy loud children that disobeyed her, an empty fridge and empty wallet and a tired overworked and underpaid knight that could never fully understand why she was so angry at him. In fact she couldn’t fully understand it either.
She returned home. No one was aware of her intentions she had earlier of leaving. No one knew, not her knight, not her kids, not her best friends or the leaders of her church. No one knew her pain that day.
But she was resolute that she would change things. The maiden could not change her handsome knight’s ability to find work. She could not change her Children’s behavior, she could not change the past. And she knew that if she sought for something different as far as her choice of husband and family was concerned, she would only find a greater meaner dragon of suffering called “regret” should she leave what she had.
No, instead the maiden had to learn how to become some sort of knight. A maiden warrior as well. She had to learn to fight for herself. She began to learn more about her talents that the heavens had bestowed on her to develop and share. She learned more about the love her handsome knight needed to be what she hoped he could be one day. She learned that there was no fantasy story she could live in and that her hope for that kind of life would only bring the dragon of resentment back into her home.
She also learned that to become a warrior maiden took something she had no idea she had: strength, determination and a fierce drive to do what the heavens hoped for her.
The maiden found herself on her knees asking the heavens to give her gifts she needed to fight dragons she never knew existed when she was a child. Her days of running in the mountains free of worries and dragons were over. They would never return. Her life was something different now. It was a time of fighting for her life and her family’s. And yet in the fight she found something else, she was stronger than she knew she was. She found amazing joy in her children now that she had not felt before when wasn’t a warrior. As a new warrior maiden life was more full, amazing and beautiful. She saw the dragons, she knew what they were capable of doing to her if she forgot her strength and power the heavens had given her. She learned to appreciate and love her knight more as they became warriors together. The dragon of resentment lost his power as she became something new, strong and wonderful. Her knight became more powerful too. His strength increased as his love for her increased. He watched her develop into a beautiful and powerful woman that could stand by his side. She was no longer standing behind him watching him fight powerful demons alone and fearful, she was next to him as was her rightful place. And their love for each other grew more each day. The joy in their hearts increased as they learned of the power they had always been given from the Heavens that could only happen when they learned how to stand next to each other instead of behind one another. It was a powerful kind of force never witnessed before by either of them. As this power grew, the young maiden was more able to see her life as something new and wonderful.
One day the maiden stood in the middle of her home watching her rambunctious noisy kids jump on the furniture and yelling nonsensical words at each other. There they were – the same kind of creatures that years before sent her into tears with their messes and noise. But now she could stand and laugh with them. These amazing creatures brought her joy… something she had not seen in them years before. She stood by her husband and wonderful amazing knight in shining armor and she laughed out loud with him as she looked at her house with the drawings on the wall and the stained carpets and the messed up hair on her kids. It wasn’t the picture she had in her mind as an 18 year old innocent maiden before she had met seriously mean dragons. It was better! She was different, she had learned and she knew where she was meant to go from here.
I would like to say “and they lived Happily ever after…” but the truth is, they are still going forward fighting the dragons that never seem to go completely away. It seems each day brings a new kind of dragon. The dark force continually sends out other Dragons the 2 of them have to learn to fight together. And the maiden learned that many Princes she once thought she could have been with to protect her with their wealth had crumbled under the crushing blows of a variety of dragons she and her knight were fighting together. She was so happy to be with her handsome, strong and determined knight. That although the heavens had not blessed them with gold and precious gems, her knight had been given other gifts of strength needed for a true warrior. And she was glad to by his side – the love of her life…
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
working on some issues...
A few weeks ago I saw someone that I haven't spoken to in almost a year. The reunion was more awkward than I could have imagined as she walked away from me without even saying Hello. I was not prepared for it.
It had me wondering if I should reach out again after all this time and try and re-establish contact, or if I should let the old relationship die and forget about what once was.
Years ago I had considered her one of my dearest friend. We used to do a lot of things together and we spoke almost daily. We had shared hotel rooms, worked out together and celebrated achievements together. We had laughed until we cried together. And we had shared heartaches and private moments.
So why in the world would I let a "friend" like this go?
What in the world could I have done to have made her walk away in disgust when she saw me again after all this time?
I will admit it hurt to see that I was not even on a level that she could even bring herself to say hi when I waved as I walked by.
Here's how the story began...
About a year ago, I was making some BIG professional career and life altering decisions about where to spend time. Unfortunately some of those decisions affected her negatively. On top of that I was dealing with personal conflicts within me, feeling inadequate as I determined my new path in life was to be much more of an ambitious undertaking than anything I had ever done before. I became more and more aware of the people who gave me positive energy. I wanted to surround myself with people that made me feel like I could do ANYTHING.
Those that were sucking my energy and pulling me down were no longer welcome in my world and I was much more sensitive to their negativity.
I suddenly became very aware of those harsh comments, lack of support, times when I was let down in times of need and times when public comments about my flaws were made by her. Those things were no longer acceptable to me even though I had allowed it for so many many years. I was done! and I said so. She wasn't the only one - I told a couple of people in my life that I was done being around them because I felt like CRAP when they were near. I told her that the things she did and said about me were not acceptable and I needed to let her go from my life.
I wished no ill-well. In fact I hoped for success in her endeavors whatever they were.
The thing that was so difficult to me was that I had NEVER said those word to anyone before. Letting go of a relationship that had lasted about 8 years was more difficult than I thought it would be. I sent letters occasionally to see how things were going, to check on family's health and to make sure she understood why I was hurt so badly and why I made that decision. To tell you the truth I was kind of hoping for some kind of response, apology, explanation, or just tell me how upset she was about what I said to her - anything that would say she cared about what we once had.
There was never a response, no apology, no attempt to make things right - nothing.
The more I tried to reach out to her, the more lonely I felt. I wondered if I had been too mean. Could a friend ever forgive someone for saying the things I said? I wondered if the roles were reversed could I forgive me? I don't know... I knew I hurt her, and I had no idea if she could forgive me.
It's been nearly a year... I wonder... was there EVER a friendship? After running into her and having that awkward moment between us I began asking myself more and more, "what is a friend?"
Over the past year or so the answer to this question has surprised me. I am no longer in high school where friends seemed easier to come by. My friends in High School were people I cheered with, or sat next to in the stands at a Football game or laughed with in class. But today, a friend is so much different than that.
I discovered something I never expected - that a friend is often the person you least expect to be your friend. it's not necessarily the person you have everything in common with. It's not necessarily the person who has kids the same ages as yours. and sometimes your acquaintances that are there for you in a serious time of need are your best friends in disguise.
I posted this question about friendship on facebook and received a lot of great answers that I believe to be true.
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go, if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be."
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls"
"a friend supports you in the important things"
I reflected on these answers and realized that in reference to the person I said good by to earlier in this blog, that I had made the right decision.
I can let go now for good. I can breathe as these answers fill the questioning part of my mind that feels the need to hold onto things so much time was invested in.
There are so many different levels of friends and anyone can fill the need for a friend at some given point in time.
I do not consider myself as someone surrounded with a clique of friends that do everything together. I have often felt left out as I sought after those kinds of friendships. So, I reflected on the kinds of friends I do have and the kinds of relationships I choose to nourish and keep alive:
- I have the "hi" friends. these are the ones you see on a regular occasion (at church, at the school as you drop off kids, etc...) there are good for that warm hello and a smile just to brighten the mood and they fill a very important place in our lives.
- I have the Internet friends. I used to make fun of people who considered internet relationships real. now I understand them. It is wonderful to be able to talk to online friend in message board and social networking sights. in fact there are some people who would never hang out with me in public that I consider some of my best friends in the virtual world and I so need that friendship at times. But I still won't do mafia wars or Yo-ville with you people...
- there are the long-lost friends. These are those you truly miss that you once did stuff with. perhaps old high school or college buddies. and for whatever reason, you are now distant. but they are still friends and if you ran into them in a store somewhere you would give a big hearty Hello to and maybe even a hug and kiss on the cheek. You miss them, but understand that time and distance sometimes are a factor in keeping those relationships active (you may have moved them into the internet friend spot to keep it alive). you could possibly pick right back up where you left off.
- There is the Acquaintance friend - you may know each other from work or mutual friends, you don't necessarily consider yourselves "tight". But when push comes to shove they would reach out - trust me. I have found many of my acquaintances are much more than what they appear to be.
- there is the "talking to" friend - the friend you NEED! this is the kind of friend you can call or go over to their home during a rough patch and cry on their shoulder or talk about family problems and know they love you and will not judge you no matter what. everyone needs one of these.
- there is the Play friend - the friend that you go do stuff with. you can call them up and say "hey we are going to go..." and know they are up for it. they are fun buddies.
- there is the unexpected friend. the one that surprises you with love and service without being asked. the one that did your dishes when you miscarried a baby. or took your kids for an hour when you just needed a hot bath and quiet time. Or maybe they brought over a plate of cookies just to be nice. They are a nice surprise in a world full of difficulties.
- there is the spouse. I grin as I consider this and this could be another blog on it's own. But he is the one that you chose to share everything with. sometimes there is sorrow in this relationship with difficulties in learning to live with someone who doesn't do everything you want him to, but because he is someone you chose to be with, you would do anything to keep this friendship strong. you would give anything to make him happy. your greatest source of joy is seeing his joy.
- And there's family. I consider most of my family my friends and strive to make this relationship stronger. When I speak of family I mean my siblings, parents, kids, in laws etc... for the most part, working to make these family relationships into TRUE friends is worth the effort because of the peace of mind it brings over a crowded Holiday dinner table. But is also worth the effort because of the trust relationship it builds as you deal with the most intimate of details of eachother's lives. we are more aware of the faults of family members and therefore more critical with them than almost any of our other "friends". (except maybe our spouse heheheh)
- and finally - our savior Jesus Christ, the Ultimate friend to have. the one that will NEVER fail you. the one I am most grateful for during times of joy and sorrow. the only one that was never too busy, too distant, or too... whatever. he is who HE IS! He is love and charity and patience and peace of mind. He is my source of strength. When I doubt myself or feel powerless, He lifts me up, encourages me, he always is still there when I have let him go,
in fact I could probably replace his name in each of these statements
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go,(except - I should probably not let HIM go) if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be.( he has always been there even when I had let him go)"
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls" (his occasional Hello's are in the world around us - sunsets and sunrises, wagging tails of your loyal dog, etc...)
"a friend supports you in the important things" (he has always been there for answers as I ask "what next?")
I am so glad I had this moment to consider my world of great friends and how blessed and full of joy I feel today.
So I mourn the loss of a relationship I discovered was not a friendship and I realize I was deceived by my need for a friend.
I am learning to rejoice in finding my life is TRULY FULL of Friends that lift and encourage and support. Today I feel very very blessed.
It had me wondering if I should reach out again after all this time and try and re-establish contact, or if I should let the old relationship die and forget about what once was.
Years ago I had considered her one of my dearest friend. We used to do a lot of things together and we spoke almost daily. We had shared hotel rooms, worked out together and celebrated achievements together. We had laughed until we cried together. And we had shared heartaches and private moments.
So why in the world would I let a "friend" like this go?
What in the world could I have done to have made her walk away in disgust when she saw me again after all this time?
I will admit it hurt to see that I was not even on a level that she could even bring herself to say hi when I waved as I walked by.
Here's how the story began...
About a year ago, I was making some BIG professional career and life altering decisions about where to spend time. Unfortunately some of those decisions affected her negatively. On top of that I was dealing with personal conflicts within me, feeling inadequate as I determined my new path in life was to be much more of an ambitious undertaking than anything I had ever done before. I became more and more aware of the people who gave me positive energy. I wanted to surround myself with people that made me feel like I could do ANYTHING.
Those that were sucking my energy and pulling me down were no longer welcome in my world and I was much more sensitive to their negativity.
I suddenly became very aware of those harsh comments, lack of support, times when I was let down in times of need and times when public comments about my flaws were made by her. Those things were no longer acceptable to me even though I had allowed it for so many many years. I was done! and I said so. She wasn't the only one - I told a couple of people in my life that I was done being around them because I felt like CRAP when they were near. I told her that the things she did and said about me were not acceptable and I needed to let her go from my life.
I wished no ill-well. In fact I hoped for success in her endeavors whatever they were.
The thing that was so difficult to me was that I had NEVER said those word to anyone before. Letting go of a relationship that had lasted about 8 years was more difficult than I thought it would be. I sent letters occasionally to see how things were going, to check on family's health and to make sure she understood why I was hurt so badly and why I made that decision. To tell you the truth I was kind of hoping for some kind of response, apology, explanation, or just tell me how upset she was about what I said to her - anything that would say she cared about what we once had.
There was never a response, no apology, no attempt to make things right - nothing.
The more I tried to reach out to her, the more lonely I felt. I wondered if I had been too mean. Could a friend ever forgive someone for saying the things I said? I wondered if the roles were reversed could I forgive me? I don't know... I knew I hurt her, and I had no idea if she could forgive me.
It's been nearly a year... I wonder... was there EVER a friendship? After running into her and having that awkward moment between us I began asking myself more and more, "what is a friend?"
Over the past year or so the answer to this question has surprised me. I am no longer in high school where friends seemed easier to come by. My friends in High School were people I cheered with, or sat next to in the stands at a Football game or laughed with in class. But today, a friend is so much different than that.
I discovered something I never expected - that a friend is often the person you least expect to be your friend. it's not necessarily the person you have everything in common with. It's not necessarily the person who has kids the same ages as yours. and sometimes your acquaintances that are there for you in a serious time of need are your best friends in disguise.
I posted this question about friendship on facebook and received a lot of great answers that I believe to be true.
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go, if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be."
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls"
"a friend supports you in the important things"
I reflected on these answers and realized that in reference to the person I said good by to earlier in this blog, that I had made the right decision.
I can let go now for good. I can breathe as these answers fill the questioning part of my mind that feels the need to hold onto things so much time was invested in.
There are so many different levels of friends and anyone can fill the need for a friend at some given point in time.
I do not consider myself as someone surrounded with a clique of friends that do everything together. I have often felt left out as I sought after those kinds of friendships. So, I reflected on the kinds of friends I do have and the kinds of relationships I choose to nourish and keep alive:
- I have the "hi" friends. these are the ones you see on a regular occasion (at church, at the school as you drop off kids, etc...) there are good for that warm hello and a smile just to brighten the mood and they fill a very important place in our lives.
- I have the Internet friends. I used to make fun of people who considered internet relationships real. now I understand them. It is wonderful to be able to talk to online friend in message board and social networking sights. in fact there are some people who would never hang out with me in public that I consider some of my best friends in the virtual world and I so need that friendship at times. But I still won't do mafia wars or Yo-ville with you people...
- there are the long-lost friends. These are those you truly miss that you once did stuff with. perhaps old high school or college buddies. and for whatever reason, you are now distant. but they are still friends and if you ran into them in a store somewhere you would give a big hearty Hello to and maybe even a hug and kiss on the cheek. You miss them, but understand that time and distance sometimes are a factor in keeping those relationships active (you may have moved them into the internet friend spot to keep it alive). you could possibly pick right back up where you left off.
- There is the Acquaintance friend - you may know each other from work or mutual friends, you don't necessarily consider yourselves "tight". But when push comes to shove they would reach out - trust me. I have found many of my acquaintances are much more than what they appear to be.
- there is the "talking to" friend - the friend you NEED! this is the kind of friend you can call or go over to their home during a rough patch and cry on their shoulder or talk about family problems and know they love you and will not judge you no matter what. everyone needs one of these.
- there is the Play friend - the friend that you go do stuff with. you can call them up and say "hey we are going to go..." and know they are up for it. they are fun buddies.
- there is the unexpected friend. the one that surprises you with love and service without being asked. the one that did your dishes when you miscarried a baby. or took your kids for an hour when you just needed a hot bath and quiet time. Or maybe they brought over a plate of cookies just to be nice. They are a nice surprise in a world full of difficulties.
- there is the spouse. I grin as I consider this and this could be another blog on it's own. But he is the one that you chose to share everything with. sometimes there is sorrow in this relationship with difficulties in learning to live with someone who doesn't do everything you want him to, but because he is someone you chose to be with, you would do anything to keep this friendship strong. you would give anything to make him happy. your greatest source of joy is seeing his joy.
- And there's family. I consider most of my family my friends and strive to make this relationship stronger. When I speak of family I mean my siblings, parents, kids, in laws etc... for the most part, working to make these family relationships into TRUE friends is worth the effort because of the peace of mind it brings over a crowded Holiday dinner table. But is also worth the effort because of the trust relationship it builds as you deal with the most intimate of details of eachother's lives. we are more aware of the faults of family members and therefore more critical with them than almost any of our other "friends". (except maybe our spouse heheheh)
- and finally - our savior Jesus Christ, the Ultimate friend to have. the one that will NEVER fail you. the one I am most grateful for during times of joy and sorrow. the only one that was never too busy, too distant, or too... whatever. he is who HE IS! He is love and charity and patience and peace of mind. He is my source of strength. When I doubt myself or feel powerless, He lifts me up, encourages me, he always is still there when I have let him go,
in fact I could probably replace his name in each of these statements
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go,(except - I should probably not let HIM go) if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be.( he has always been there even when I had let him go)"
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls" (his occasional Hello's are in the world around us - sunsets and sunrises, wagging tails of your loyal dog, etc...)
"a friend supports you in the important things" (he has always been there for answers as I ask "what next?")
I am so glad I had this moment to consider my world of great friends and how blessed and full of joy I feel today.
So I mourn the loss of a relationship I discovered was not a friendship and I realize I was deceived by my need for a friend.
I am learning to rejoice in finding my life is TRULY FULL of Friends that lift and encourage and support. Today I feel very very blessed.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Today must be a writing day...
I think I have a lot on my mind today.
I fell victim to the pull of watching really really lame internet TV reality shows and I saw one that takes the cake on "Lame-ness".
"More to Love."
Yup - that is the name of the reality show I have only watched 2 episodes (2 too many) and I think I am done. The premise is good: the idea that you do not have to be model thin to find love and joy. It's "The Bachelor" meets, "the Biggest Loser" except no-one is interested in losing weight.
If you are not aware - I am a personal trainer and nutrition and fitness is kinda my thang. sooooo.... I watched.
I started with a very open mind that I would not judge these people based on their size. I am all about loving people no matter what.
But as I watched the horror story started to unfold...
here is what I learned from the women on this show according to their words:
1 - "Fat girls are more fun than skinny girls" - (my thoughts - even though most of the time they are just sitting around eating and back stabbing each other)
2 - "I'm so glad we get to prove that we are smarter and have more personality than skinny girls" (even though almost every conversation either turns to food or a make out session instead of anything of substance)
3 - "*Sob, sob, sob* I am so glad I have finally met someone that treats me as a princess and I am so in love finally for the first time. *sob*" (and get ready for rejection once again as he dumps you for the other 19 girls he is treating as a princess, having shallow conversations with and kissing like a fox in a chicken coop)
4 - (girl looks doe-eyed at boy and stares brainlessly at his eyes)"thank you for accepting me as I am and not wanting me to change." Boy: "Can I kiss you?" and then they make out for a while. - repeat with next chick...
5 - "I figure life is short, may as well just enjoy it and eat without worrying." (Life is shorter for overweight people. I plan on making my life last a little longer so I can enjoy it for more years than the average american)
nice...
how funny. ummmm.... not sure what to say more. but sorry ladies on this show, you have just given an insanely bad name for plump ladies everywhere!
at least on the other version of the Bachelor the men and women are not so desperate (usually) as to all of them making out in the first episode. I was sooooo turned off by your lack of self-esteem and the pretense that you tried to put out there that you all felt fine with your body image. and yet, so desperate for a man's affection as to give up your physicality all too quickly. what a shame.
yeah, I am done with that show and will go kayaking or bike riding or hiking or play at the park while those ladies talk about how much more fun it is to be overweight. I will also eat my steak and potatoes too... so I can continue to enjoy the time I have to play hard on this earth without wondering if hiking is going to give me a heart attack.
I fell victim to the pull of watching really really lame internet TV reality shows and I saw one that takes the cake on "Lame-ness".
"More to Love."
Yup - that is the name of the reality show I have only watched 2 episodes (2 too many) and I think I am done. The premise is good: the idea that you do not have to be model thin to find love and joy. It's "The Bachelor" meets, "the Biggest Loser" except no-one is interested in losing weight.
If you are not aware - I am a personal trainer and nutrition and fitness is kinda my thang. sooooo.... I watched.
I started with a very open mind that I would not judge these people based on their size. I am all about loving people no matter what.
But as I watched the horror story started to unfold...
here is what I learned from the women on this show according to their words:
1 - "Fat girls are more fun than skinny girls" - (my thoughts - even though most of the time they are just sitting around eating and back stabbing each other)
2 - "I'm so glad we get to prove that we are smarter and have more personality than skinny girls" (even though almost every conversation either turns to food or a make out session instead of anything of substance)
3 - "*Sob, sob, sob* I am so glad I have finally met someone that treats me as a princess and I am so in love finally for the first time. *sob*" (and get ready for rejection once again as he dumps you for the other 19 girls he is treating as a princess, having shallow conversations with and kissing like a fox in a chicken coop)
4 - (girl looks doe-eyed at boy and stares brainlessly at his eyes)"thank you for accepting me as I am and not wanting me to change." Boy: "Can I kiss you?" and then they make out for a while. - repeat with next chick...
5 - "I figure life is short, may as well just enjoy it and eat without worrying." (Life is shorter for overweight people. I plan on making my life last a little longer so I can enjoy it for more years than the average american)
nice...
how funny. ummmm.... not sure what to say more. but sorry ladies on this show, you have just given an insanely bad name for plump ladies everywhere!
at least on the other version of the Bachelor the men and women are not so desperate (usually) as to all of them making out in the first episode. I was sooooo turned off by your lack of self-esteem and the pretense that you tried to put out there that you all felt fine with your body image. and yet, so desperate for a man's affection as to give up your physicality all too quickly. what a shame.
yeah, I am done with that show and will go kayaking or bike riding or hiking or play at the park while those ladies talk about how much more fun it is to be overweight. I will also eat my steak and potatoes too... so I can continue to enjoy the time I have to play hard on this earth without wondering if hiking is going to give me a heart attack.
the joy of gardening?????
My entire life I have been taught the importance of having a garden. As a kid I resented having to move rocks, pull weeds and work in the garden. It was not fun - it was a chore. I hated it! I was thrilled when we didn't have a garden to work anymore.
As a married woman and mother, I just never wanted to have a garden. (I take that back, I have wanted one - just never wanted to do the work).
I loved eating fresh veggies straight out of the ground as a kid. there are few things tastier than eating that fresh carrot, or peas right out of the pod. I loved being able to do that as a kid. But I hate the work.
Now I have the space, the land and everything ready and I am cringing at the idea of all the work that is needed for me to start a garden. My neighbor Christy, is always bringing over fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, etc... from her lovely garden and it is oh so yummy. I want to have that too!
not only that but as the economy gets more and more fiercely unpleasant, the necessity of a garden becomes more apparent. In order to save money on shopping - I really SHOULD get my garden going.
I have been lucky enough to have purchased a home that the previous owners have been gardening fanatics. it was part of the reason we bought the home. Fruit trees are everywhere. The yard is already planned and had things growing in it waiting for us. Our first year here we had lettuce, garlice, cilantro, grapes, peaches, plums, apples, figs, pears, jujubee, persimmon, and some things I have no idea what they were growing everywhere. We were so excited! we love the yard and all the hard work the Jensen's had done to make it amazing. But we have come to the conclusion that they indeed did a lot of HARD WORK!
so today 3 1/2 years later - we do not have any more lettuce, some of the fruit trees are dying and the garden area has 6 foot weeds all over it.
It's depressing.
we felt impressed that this was the right home for us and we bought it. But we have had to work hard to keep up with the bills. between 3 businesses, 5 crazy kids and other responsibilities - we wonder, how does one have the time for a garden. no really, I want to know. do you have a garden and how do you keep up with it if you also have other businesses you run in order to pay the bills.
We have given a few attempts at it. we get out there and weed and think we are ready to plant and then we go out a week later to see all our work was for nothing. I am so depressed. I had pulled and pulled weeds like mad for a few weeks and we took a little break. I was thinking it was time to prep the soil and went out to see the weeds had all come back.
I will admit - we do not have a ton of money to purchase gallons of weed control and such. the reason we need a garden is because it is getting tough to buy produce. anyway - I am just overwhelmed about the idea of doing this garden. i wish I could afford to hire someone else to come and take care of it for us. I am exploring many options on how to care for a garden on limited time. but everything I read says - get ready to spend a lot of time and effort in getting your garden ready for planting. ouch...
still looking for the joy!
ideas anyone?
As a married woman and mother, I just never wanted to have a garden. (I take that back, I have wanted one - just never wanted to do the work).
I loved eating fresh veggies straight out of the ground as a kid. there are few things tastier than eating that fresh carrot, or peas right out of the pod. I loved being able to do that as a kid. But I hate the work.
Now I have the space, the land and everything ready and I am cringing at the idea of all the work that is needed for me to start a garden. My neighbor Christy, is always bringing over fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, etc... from her lovely garden and it is oh so yummy. I want to have that too!
not only that but as the economy gets more and more fiercely unpleasant, the necessity of a garden becomes more apparent. In order to save money on shopping - I really SHOULD get my garden going.
I have been lucky enough to have purchased a home that the previous owners have been gardening fanatics. it was part of the reason we bought the home. Fruit trees are everywhere. The yard is already planned and had things growing in it waiting for us. Our first year here we had lettuce, garlice, cilantro, grapes, peaches, plums, apples, figs, pears, jujubee, persimmon, and some things I have no idea what they were growing everywhere. We were so excited! we love the yard and all the hard work the Jensen's had done to make it amazing. But we have come to the conclusion that they indeed did a lot of HARD WORK!
so today 3 1/2 years later - we do not have any more lettuce, some of the fruit trees are dying and the garden area has 6 foot weeds all over it.
It's depressing.
we felt impressed that this was the right home for us and we bought it. But we have had to work hard to keep up with the bills. between 3 businesses, 5 crazy kids and other responsibilities - we wonder, how does one have the time for a garden. no really, I want to know. do you have a garden and how do you keep up with it if you also have other businesses you run in order to pay the bills.
We have given a few attempts at it. we get out there and weed and think we are ready to plant and then we go out a week later to see all our work was for nothing. I am so depressed. I had pulled and pulled weeds like mad for a few weeks and we took a little break. I was thinking it was time to prep the soil and went out to see the weeds had all come back.
I will admit - we do not have a ton of money to purchase gallons of weed control and such. the reason we need a garden is because it is getting tough to buy produce. anyway - I am just overwhelmed about the idea of doing this garden. i wish I could afford to hire someone else to come and take care of it for us. I am exploring many options on how to care for a garden on limited time. but everything I read says - get ready to spend a lot of time and effort in getting your garden ready for planting. ouch...
still looking for the joy!
ideas anyone?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Banks
This might seem a little too personal, But I need this story shared! I am sending it to newspapers, banks and friends. I am tired of being ripped of by those who I trust to help me get ahead financially -
this is my story:
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have experienced feast and famine, ups and downs, struggles and triumphs – especially with finances. My husband had his first experience with a difficult layoff in 2001 after 9/11 put the company he worked for out of commission. He struggled to find work in our region that would pay enough to provide for a family and after going through several jobs, he decided to work for himself as a graphic designer. I pitched in and worked from home to help pay the bills and keep food on the table. We have had some really great years and we have experienced leaned years.
Lately with the economic downturn, our life has been what has become normal to us – tough as usual. But we get by. There are times we are overdrawn and need to pay bills a little late, but we always pay, get our accounts positive and we have not been on welfare to assist us.
I have never changed banks since I was 16 years old. I was with Great Western that was purchased by Washington Mutual and is now taken over by Chase. I have made no major changes to my accounts and have been banking as I normally have over the past 20 years.
I did decide to open accounts in other banks and tried Zions Bank out as well since after I moved there was no WAMU (Chase) in my little town.
I have been used to being overdrawn, paying a fee of $25-$29 for a paid item when I was NSF. But recently after opening an account at Zion and Chase taking over Wamu, I am now charged between $2.50 - $5.00 PER DAY when overdrawn! (this is at both banks)
This may not sound like it’s that big of a deal and you may be thinking, well woman, get your account in order and quit being overdrawn. Great idea!
Here’s a story about how the bank fights small time clients with that idea. About 6 months ago it was an extra lean time for my family. My husband was waiting for a client to pay him so we could pay our bills. Our joint checking we use for household expenses was at zero. SO, I used my very small personal checking to go buy milk and diapers and food about $40 worth BUT I was about $3 off on my checking account balance. I was unaware of this for a couple of weeks. I went in to make a small deposit from some of my odd and end jobs and found I was now overdrawn -$99. My deposit I was hoping would give me $60 in the bank left me at a negative -$39 and I would not have a deposit for at least another week. I also could not get the things I needed for my little family. I came in a week later to make a $100 deposit and now only had $26 instead of the money I needed to pay a few small bills. I made a decision that even though I did not have the money in there, I needed to pay a phone bill of $70 in order to make phone calls to make more money. This made me go negative again to -$44 and the OD fee made me -$73. It would be a couple more weeks until I would be able to make another meager deposit. So 2 weeks later I was now negative - $143. I was getting in deeper and deeper and this continued with Zions bank. This was supposed to be my emergency money for when times were tough I could go get diapers, food or whatever we needed while my husband was waiting for clients to pay him. I did not work a full-time job, just a small hobby business for emergencies. But my banks fees were leading to deeper and deeper financial strain on this small account.
That story was with Zions Bank. 6 months ago
But then, my relationship with WAMU changed as they became Chase. My bank I had been with since I was 16 started doing the same thing and worse!
I have an account for retreats that is only for paying for those retreats. I also have an account that is for my customer orders. I do not mix the money. I had a rough time with business and had some cancellations and refunds I needed to give for a retreat that left me with a SMALL negative balance that I knew I could bring to a positive within a couple of weeks as I collected client payments for the next retreat.
I went to make a deposit in my account BUT my bank had brought it to a positive and closed it for me. The money they used to bring it to a positive was from my customer orders account – this was money people paid me to purchase their supplies – it was GONE! what money do I use to place their orders?
Here what happened – the refunds caused me to be overdrawn $100 plus the OD fee of $35 gave me a balance of a negative -$135 plus the $5/day fee for being overdrawn for 20 days brought me to a negative balance of -$235
I really had no idea I was charged $35 for the OD (that amount had gone up with the changing of the bank nameO and I had no idea I had paid $5/day in this bank I thought I had been with since I was 16. apparently things REALLY change when another bank buys the bank I used to be with. I was banking as usual. Chase decided to take my customer’s money for orders and dump it into my other account and close it out without giving me warning.
Yeah, I am done with those 2 banks. I am now going to be Putting my money under my mattress. why not? There is no interest in these “free” checking accounts. In fact these free checking accounts have cost me over $1000 over the past year.
I wonder who these fees harm? does it harm The guy that makes more than enough money to provide for his family and then some? The guy with the stable job that pays every 2 weeks and has enough money for a trip to Disneyland every year can't understand my problem. Or does it harm more the people that have been laid off, had cut backs effect them, projects diminish, etc…. and are just trying to squeeze by. I feel like I borrowed money from “Vinnie the loan shark” and now my head is in a vice and I can’t get out of his hold. Except it’s not Vinnie, it’s my bank squeezing me beyond dry.
I don’t get it. I mean I know that banks make a lot of their money off of OD fees and the like, But sheeze! This is ridiculous! We are looking at a tough economy with people just trying to get by and the banks are not helping. How does someone barely paying their bills get by when a bank punishes them a daily Overdrawn fee when they fall behind? How can they hope to get ahead? Banks are taking advantage of the poor and struggling and making it worse. It’s time something changed. What are we able to do as consumers to change this. It’s time for a revolt. I am closing my accounts. The bank has made thousands of dollars off my overdraft fees over the past few years. In times of Success, I had kept my savings with them and they made money off the money I kept in CD’s and money market accounts. Now, because they choose to punish and strangle someone who is trying to make it and they are making it nearly impossible to get by in times of difficulty - they will make zero from me in fees from here on out!
Tomorrow I am going to start cashing my checks instead of depositing them. Tomorrow, I buy money orders instead of having a checking account. I use cash when possible, send money orders when checks are needed, and not using a debit card at all anymore. I’ve done it years ago, before debit cards – remember those days? we can go back.
Banks are relying on us strugglers to make them the most amount of money – let’s stop!
Refuse to pay daily OD fees – demand that they be illegal or refuse to banks that charge them. Close your accounts at these kinds of banks!
The only way to get ahead when your job isn’t paying you enough and your bank is raking you over – is to get out of your thieving cheating bank.
I laughed when I walked into Zions Bank the other day and saw this sign “We haven’t forgotten who makes us successful…” ( in reference to the client of course). I laughed because I indeed did contribute to their success. My free checking account has paid them over $1000 this past year. Times that by how many more people are in my shoes – OH yeah we are contributing to their financial gain and they don’t forget by charging us daily when we are down. Thanks, but No thanks! I need a bank like that like I need another hole in my head.
this is my story:
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have experienced feast and famine, ups and downs, struggles and triumphs – especially with finances. My husband had his first experience with a difficult layoff in 2001 after 9/11 put the company he worked for out of commission. He struggled to find work in our region that would pay enough to provide for a family and after going through several jobs, he decided to work for himself as a graphic designer. I pitched in and worked from home to help pay the bills and keep food on the table. We have had some really great years and we have experienced leaned years.
Lately with the economic downturn, our life has been what has become normal to us – tough as usual. But we get by. There are times we are overdrawn and need to pay bills a little late, but we always pay, get our accounts positive and we have not been on welfare to assist us.
I have never changed banks since I was 16 years old. I was with Great Western that was purchased by Washington Mutual and is now taken over by Chase. I have made no major changes to my accounts and have been banking as I normally have over the past 20 years.
I did decide to open accounts in other banks and tried Zions Bank out as well since after I moved there was no WAMU (Chase) in my little town.
I have been used to being overdrawn, paying a fee of $25-$29 for a paid item when I was NSF. But recently after opening an account at Zion and Chase taking over Wamu, I am now charged between $2.50 - $5.00 PER DAY when overdrawn! (this is at both banks)
This may not sound like it’s that big of a deal and you may be thinking, well woman, get your account in order and quit being overdrawn. Great idea!
Here’s a story about how the bank fights small time clients with that idea. About 6 months ago it was an extra lean time for my family. My husband was waiting for a client to pay him so we could pay our bills. Our joint checking we use for household expenses was at zero. SO, I used my very small personal checking to go buy milk and diapers and food about $40 worth BUT I was about $3 off on my checking account balance. I was unaware of this for a couple of weeks. I went in to make a small deposit from some of my odd and end jobs and found I was now overdrawn -$99. My deposit I was hoping would give me $60 in the bank left me at a negative -$39 and I would not have a deposit for at least another week. I also could not get the things I needed for my little family. I came in a week later to make a $100 deposit and now only had $26 instead of the money I needed to pay a few small bills. I made a decision that even though I did not have the money in there, I needed to pay a phone bill of $70 in order to make phone calls to make more money. This made me go negative again to -$44 and the OD fee made me -$73. It would be a couple more weeks until I would be able to make another meager deposit. So 2 weeks later I was now negative - $143. I was getting in deeper and deeper and this continued with Zions bank. This was supposed to be my emergency money for when times were tough I could go get diapers, food or whatever we needed while my husband was waiting for clients to pay him. I did not work a full-time job, just a small hobby business for emergencies. But my banks fees were leading to deeper and deeper financial strain on this small account.
That story was with Zions Bank. 6 months ago
But then, my relationship with WAMU changed as they became Chase. My bank I had been with since I was 16 started doing the same thing and worse!
I have an account for retreats that is only for paying for those retreats. I also have an account that is for my customer orders. I do not mix the money. I had a rough time with business and had some cancellations and refunds I needed to give for a retreat that left me with a SMALL negative balance that I knew I could bring to a positive within a couple of weeks as I collected client payments for the next retreat.
I went to make a deposit in my account BUT my bank had brought it to a positive and closed it for me. The money they used to bring it to a positive was from my customer orders account – this was money people paid me to purchase their supplies – it was GONE! what money do I use to place their orders?
Here what happened – the refunds caused me to be overdrawn $100 plus the OD fee of $35 gave me a balance of a negative -$135 plus the $5/day fee for being overdrawn for 20 days brought me to a negative balance of -$235
I really had no idea I was charged $35 for the OD (that amount had gone up with the changing of the bank nameO and I had no idea I had paid $5/day in this bank I thought I had been with since I was 16. apparently things REALLY change when another bank buys the bank I used to be with. I was banking as usual. Chase decided to take my customer’s money for orders and dump it into my other account and close it out without giving me warning.
Yeah, I am done with those 2 banks. I am now going to be Putting my money under my mattress. why not? There is no interest in these “free” checking accounts. In fact these free checking accounts have cost me over $1000 over the past year.
I wonder who these fees harm? does it harm The guy that makes more than enough money to provide for his family and then some? The guy with the stable job that pays every 2 weeks and has enough money for a trip to Disneyland every year can't understand my problem. Or does it harm more the people that have been laid off, had cut backs effect them, projects diminish, etc…. and are just trying to squeeze by. I feel like I borrowed money from “Vinnie the loan shark” and now my head is in a vice and I can’t get out of his hold. Except it’s not Vinnie, it’s my bank squeezing me beyond dry.
I don’t get it. I mean I know that banks make a lot of their money off of OD fees and the like, But sheeze! This is ridiculous! We are looking at a tough economy with people just trying to get by and the banks are not helping. How does someone barely paying their bills get by when a bank punishes them a daily Overdrawn fee when they fall behind? How can they hope to get ahead? Banks are taking advantage of the poor and struggling and making it worse. It’s time something changed. What are we able to do as consumers to change this. It’s time for a revolt. I am closing my accounts. The bank has made thousands of dollars off my overdraft fees over the past few years. In times of Success, I had kept my savings with them and they made money off the money I kept in CD’s and money market accounts. Now, because they choose to punish and strangle someone who is trying to make it and they are making it nearly impossible to get by in times of difficulty - they will make zero from me in fees from here on out!
Tomorrow I am going to start cashing my checks instead of depositing them. Tomorrow, I buy money orders instead of having a checking account. I use cash when possible, send money orders when checks are needed, and not using a debit card at all anymore. I’ve done it years ago, before debit cards – remember those days? we can go back.
Banks are relying on us strugglers to make them the most amount of money – let’s stop!
Refuse to pay daily OD fees – demand that they be illegal or refuse to banks that charge them. Close your accounts at these kinds of banks!
The only way to get ahead when your job isn’t paying you enough and your bank is raking you over – is to get out of your thieving cheating bank.
I laughed when I walked into Zions Bank the other day and saw this sign “We haven’t forgotten who makes us successful…” ( in reference to the client of course). I laughed because I indeed did contribute to their success. My free checking account has paid them over $1000 this past year. Times that by how many more people are in my shoes – OH yeah we are contributing to their financial gain and they don’t forget by charging us daily when we are down. Thanks, but No thanks! I need a bank like that like I need another hole in my head.
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