A few weeks ago I saw someone that I haven't spoken to in almost a year. The reunion was more awkward than I could have imagined as she walked away from me without even saying Hello. I was not prepared for it.
It had me wondering if I should reach out again after all this time and try and re-establish contact, or if I should let the old relationship die and forget about what once was.
Years ago I had considered her one of my dearest friend. We used to do a lot of things together and we spoke almost daily. We had shared hotel rooms, worked out together and celebrated achievements together. We had laughed until we cried together. And we had shared heartaches and private moments.
So why in the world would I let a "friend" like this go?
What in the world could I have done to have made her walk away in disgust when she saw me again after all this time?
I will admit it hurt to see that I was not even on a level that she could even bring herself to say hi when I waved as I walked by.
Here's how the story began...
About a year ago, I was making some BIG professional career and life altering decisions about where to spend time. Unfortunately some of those decisions affected her negatively. On top of that I was dealing with personal conflicts within me, feeling inadequate as I determined my new path in life was to be much more of an ambitious undertaking than anything I had ever done before. I became more and more aware of the people who gave me positive energy. I wanted to surround myself with people that made me feel like I could do ANYTHING.
Those that were sucking my energy and pulling me down were no longer welcome in my world and I was much more sensitive to their negativity.
I suddenly became very aware of those harsh comments, lack of support, times when I was let down in times of need and times when public comments about my flaws were made by her. Those things were no longer acceptable to me even though I had allowed it for so many many years. I was done! and I said so. She wasn't the only one - I told a couple of people in my life that I was done being around them because I felt like CRAP when they were near. I told her that the things she did and said about me were not acceptable and I needed to let her go from my life.
I wished no ill-well. In fact I hoped for success in her endeavors whatever they were.
The thing that was so difficult to me was that I had NEVER said those word to anyone before. Letting go of a relationship that had lasted about 8 years was more difficult than I thought it would be. I sent letters occasionally to see how things were going, to check on family's health and to make sure she understood why I was hurt so badly and why I made that decision. To tell you the truth I was kind of hoping for some kind of response, apology, explanation, or just tell me how upset she was about what I said to her - anything that would say she cared about what we once had.
There was never a response, no apology, no attempt to make things right - nothing.
The more I tried to reach out to her, the more lonely I felt. I wondered if I had been too mean. Could a friend ever forgive someone for saying the things I said? I wondered if the roles were reversed could I forgive me? I don't know... I knew I hurt her, and I had no idea if she could forgive me.
It's been nearly a year... I wonder... was there EVER a friendship? After running into her and having that awkward moment between us I began asking myself more and more, "what is a friend?"
Over the past year or so the answer to this question has surprised me. I am no longer in high school where friends seemed easier to come by. My friends in High School were people I cheered with, or sat next to in the stands at a Football game or laughed with in class. But today, a friend is so much different than that.
I discovered something I never expected - that a friend is often the person you least expect to be your friend. it's not necessarily the person you have everything in common with. It's not necessarily the person who has kids the same ages as yours. and sometimes your acquaintances that are there for you in a serious time of need are your best friends in disguise.
I posted this question about friendship on facebook and received a lot of great answers that I believe to be true.
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go, if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be."
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls"
"a friend supports you in the important things"
I reflected on these answers and realized that in reference to the person I said good by to earlier in this blog, that I had made the right decision.
I can let go now for good. I can breathe as these answers fill the questioning part of my mind that feels the need to hold onto things so much time was invested in.
There are so many different levels of friends and anyone can fill the need for a friend at some given point in time.
I do not consider myself as someone surrounded with a clique of friends that do everything together. I have often felt left out as I sought after those kinds of friendships. So, I reflected on the kinds of friends I do have and the kinds of relationships I choose to nourish and keep alive:
- I have the "hi" friends. these are the ones you see on a regular occasion (at church, at the school as you drop off kids, etc...) there are good for that warm hello and a smile just to brighten the mood and they fill a very important place in our lives.
- I have the Internet friends. I used to make fun of people who considered internet relationships real. now I understand them. It is wonderful to be able to talk to online friend in message board and social networking sights. in fact there are some people who would never hang out with me in public that I consider some of my best friends in the virtual world and I so need that friendship at times. But I still won't do mafia wars or Yo-ville with you people...
- there are the long-lost friends. These are those you truly miss that you once did stuff with. perhaps old high school or college buddies. and for whatever reason, you are now distant. but they are still friends and if you ran into them in a store somewhere you would give a big hearty Hello to and maybe even a hug and kiss on the cheek. You miss them, but understand that time and distance sometimes are a factor in keeping those relationships active (you may have moved them into the internet friend spot to keep it alive). you could possibly pick right back up where you left off.
- There is the Acquaintance friend - you may know each other from work or mutual friends, you don't necessarily consider yourselves "tight". But when push comes to shove they would reach out - trust me. I have found many of my acquaintances are much more than what they appear to be.
- there is the "talking to" friend - the friend you NEED! this is the kind of friend you can call or go over to their home during a rough patch and cry on their shoulder or talk about family problems and know they love you and will not judge you no matter what. everyone needs one of these.
- there is the Play friend - the friend that you go do stuff with. you can call them up and say "hey we are going to go..." and know they are up for it. they are fun buddies.
- there is the unexpected friend. the one that surprises you with love and service without being asked. the one that did your dishes when you miscarried a baby. or took your kids for an hour when you just needed a hot bath and quiet time. Or maybe they brought over a plate of cookies just to be nice. They are a nice surprise in a world full of difficulties.
- there is the spouse. I grin as I consider this and this could be another blog on it's own. But he is the one that you chose to share everything with. sometimes there is sorrow in this relationship with difficulties in learning to live with someone who doesn't do everything you want him to, but because he is someone you chose to be with, you would do anything to keep this friendship strong. you would give anything to make him happy. your greatest source of joy is seeing his joy.
- And there's family. I consider most of my family my friends and strive to make this relationship stronger. When I speak of family I mean my siblings, parents, kids, in laws etc... for the most part, working to make these family relationships into TRUE friends is worth the effort because of the peace of mind it brings over a crowded Holiday dinner table. But is also worth the effort because of the trust relationship it builds as you deal with the most intimate of details of eachother's lives. we are more aware of the faults of family members and therefore more critical with them than almost any of our other "friends". (except maybe our spouse heheheh)
- and finally - our savior Jesus Christ, the Ultimate friend to have. the one that will NEVER fail you. the one I am most grateful for during times of joy and sorrow. the only one that was never too busy, too distant, or too... whatever. he is who HE IS! He is love and charity and patience and peace of mind. He is my source of strength. When I doubt myself or feel powerless, He lifts me up, encourages me, he always is still there when I have let him go,
in fact I could probably replace his name in each of these statements
"friends lift you up"
"friends can see you again after a length of time and you can pick up where you left off"
"if you love some thing or someone - let them go,(except - I should probably not let HIM go) if they return they were meant to be - if not, it was never meant to be.( he has always been there even when I had let him go)"
"a friend can even be the person you just get an occasional 'hello' from in the halls" (his occasional Hello's are in the world around us - sunsets and sunrises, wagging tails of your loyal dog, etc...)
"a friend supports you in the important things" (he has always been there for answers as I ask "what next?")
I am so glad I had this moment to consider my world of great friends and how blessed and full of joy I feel today.
So I mourn the loss of a relationship I discovered was not a friendship and I realize I was deceived by my need for a friend.
I am learning to rejoice in finding my life is TRULY FULL of Friends that lift and encourage and support. Today I feel very very blessed.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Today must be a writing day...
I think I have a lot on my mind today.
I fell victim to the pull of watching really really lame internet TV reality shows and I saw one that takes the cake on "Lame-ness".
"More to Love."
Yup - that is the name of the reality show I have only watched 2 episodes (2 too many) and I think I am done. The premise is good: the idea that you do not have to be model thin to find love and joy. It's "The Bachelor" meets, "the Biggest Loser" except no-one is interested in losing weight.
If you are not aware - I am a personal trainer and nutrition and fitness is kinda my thang. sooooo.... I watched.
I started with a very open mind that I would not judge these people based on their size. I am all about loving people no matter what.
But as I watched the horror story started to unfold...
here is what I learned from the women on this show according to their words:
1 - "Fat girls are more fun than skinny girls" - (my thoughts - even though most of the time they are just sitting around eating and back stabbing each other)
2 - "I'm so glad we get to prove that we are smarter and have more personality than skinny girls" (even though almost every conversation either turns to food or a make out session instead of anything of substance)
3 - "*Sob, sob, sob* I am so glad I have finally met someone that treats me as a princess and I am so in love finally for the first time. *sob*" (and get ready for rejection once again as he dumps you for the other 19 girls he is treating as a princess, having shallow conversations with and kissing like a fox in a chicken coop)
4 - (girl looks doe-eyed at boy and stares brainlessly at his eyes)"thank you for accepting me as I am and not wanting me to change." Boy: "Can I kiss you?" and then they make out for a while. - repeat with next chick...
5 - "I figure life is short, may as well just enjoy it and eat without worrying." (Life is shorter for overweight people. I plan on making my life last a little longer so I can enjoy it for more years than the average american)
nice...
how funny. ummmm.... not sure what to say more. but sorry ladies on this show, you have just given an insanely bad name for plump ladies everywhere!
at least on the other version of the Bachelor the men and women are not so desperate (usually) as to all of them making out in the first episode. I was sooooo turned off by your lack of self-esteem and the pretense that you tried to put out there that you all felt fine with your body image. and yet, so desperate for a man's affection as to give up your physicality all too quickly. what a shame.
yeah, I am done with that show and will go kayaking or bike riding or hiking or play at the park while those ladies talk about how much more fun it is to be overweight. I will also eat my steak and potatoes too... so I can continue to enjoy the time I have to play hard on this earth without wondering if hiking is going to give me a heart attack.
I fell victim to the pull of watching really really lame internet TV reality shows and I saw one that takes the cake on "Lame-ness".
"More to Love."
Yup - that is the name of the reality show I have only watched 2 episodes (2 too many) and I think I am done. The premise is good: the idea that you do not have to be model thin to find love and joy. It's "The Bachelor" meets, "the Biggest Loser" except no-one is interested in losing weight.
If you are not aware - I am a personal trainer and nutrition and fitness is kinda my thang. sooooo.... I watched.
I started with a very open mind that I would not judge these people based on their size. I am all about loving people no matter what.
But as I watched the horror story started to unfold...
here is what I learned from the women on this show according to their words:
1 - "Fat girls are more fun than skinny girls" - (my thoughts - even though most of the time they are just sitting around eating and back stabbing each other)
2 - "I'm so glad we get to prove that we are smarter and have more personality than skinny girls" (even though almost every conversation either turns to food or a make out session instead of anything of substance)
3 - "*Sob, sob, sob* I am so glad I have finally met someone that treats me as a princess and I am so in love finally for the first time. *sob*" (and get ready for rejection once again as he dumps you for the other 19 girls he is treating as a princess, having shallow conversations with and kissing like a fox in a chicken coop)
4 - (girl looks doe-eyed at boy and stares brainlessly at his eyes)"thank you for accepting me as I am and not wanting me to change." Boy: "Can I kiss you?" and then they make out for a while. - repeat with next chick...
5 - "I figure life is short, may as well just enjoy it and eat without worrying." (Life is shorter for overweight people. I plan on making my life last a little longer so I can enjoy it for more years than the average american)
nice...
how funny. ummmm.... not sure what to say more. but sorry ladies on this show, you have just given an insanely bad name for plump ladies everywhere!
at least on the other version of the Bachelor the men and women are not so desperate (usually) as to all of them making out in the first episode. I was sooooo turned off by your lack of self-esteem and the pretense that you tried to put out there that you all felt fine with your body image. and yet, so desperate for a man's affection as to give up your physicality all too quickly. what a shame.
yeah, I am done with that show and will go kayaking or bike riding or hiking or play at the park while those ladies talk about how much more fun it is to be overweight. I will also eat my steak and potatoes too... so I can continue to enjoy the time I have to play hard on this earth without wondering if hiking is going to give me a heart attack.
the joy of gardening?????
My entire life I have been taught the importance of having a garden. As a kid I resented having to move rocks, pull weeds and work in the garden. It was not fun - it was a chore. I hated it! I was thrilled when we didn't have a garden to work anymore.
As a married woman and mother, I just never wanted to have a garden. (I take that back, I have wanted one - just never wanted to do the work).
I loved eating fresh veggies straight out of the ground as a kid. there are few things tastier than eating that fresh carrot, or peas right out of the pod. I loved being able to do that as a kid. But I hate the work.
Now I have the space, the land and everything ready and I am cringing at the idea of all the work that is needed for me to start a garden. My neighbor Christy, is always bringing over fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, etc... from her lovely garden and it is oh so yummy. I want to have that too!
not only that but as the economy gets more and more fiercely unpleasant, the necessity of a garden becomes more apparent. In order to save money on shopping - I really SHOULD get my garden going.
I have been lucky enough to have purchased a home that the previous owners have been gardening fanatics. it was part of the reason we bought the home. Fruit trees are everywhere. The yard is already planned and had things growing in it waiting for us. Our first year here we had lettuce, garlice, cilantro, grapes, peaches, plums, apples, figs, pears, jujubee, persimmon, and some things I have no idea what they were growing everywhere. We were so excited! we love the yard and all the hard work the Jensen's had done to make it amazing. But we have come to the conclusion that they indeed did a lot of HARD WORK!
so today 3 1/2 years later - we do not have any more lettuce, some of the fruit trees are dying and the garden area has 6 foot weeds all over it.
It's depressing.
we felt impressed that this was the right home for us and we bought it. But we have had to work hard to keep up with the bills. between 3 businesses, 5 crazy kids and other responsibilities - we wonder, how does one have the time for a garden. no really, I want to know. do you have a garden and how do you keep up with it if you also have other businesses you run in order to pay the bills.
We have given a few attempts at it. we get out there and weed and think we are ready to plant and then we go out a week later to see all our work was for nothing. I am so depressed. I had pulled and pulled weeds like mad for a few weeks and we took a little break. I was thinking it was time to prep the soil and went out to see the weeds had all come back.
I will admit - we do not have a ton of money to purchase gallons of weed control and such. the reason we need a garden is because it is getting tough to buy produce. anyway - I am just overwhelmed about the idea of doing this garden. i wish I could afford to hire someone else to come and take care of it for us. I am exploring many options on how to care for a garden on limited time. but everything I read says - get ready to spend a lot of time and effort in getting your garden ready for planting. ouch...
still looking for the joy!
ideas anyone?
As a married woman and mother, I just never wanted to have a garden. (I take that back, I have wanted one - just never wanted to do the work).
I loved eating fresh veggies straight out of the ground as a kid. there are few things tastier than eating that fresh carrot, or peas right out of the pod. I loved being able to do that as a kid. But I hate the work.
Now I have the space, the land and everything ready and I am cringing at the idea of all the work that is needed for me to start a garden. My neighbor Christy, is always bringing over fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, etc... from her lovely garden and it is oh so yummy. I want to have that too!
not only that but as the economy gets more and more fiercely unpleasant, the necessity of a garden becomes more apparent. In order to save money on shopping - I really SHOULD get my garden going.
I have been lucky enough to have purchased a home that the previous owners have been gardening fanatics. it was part of the reason we bought the home. Fruit trees are everywhere. The yard is already planned and had things growing in it waiting for us. Our first year here we had lettuce, garlice, cilantro, grapes, peaches, plums, apples, figs, pears, jujubee, persimmon, and some things I have no idea what they were growing everywhere. We were so excited! we love the yard and all the hard work the Jensen's had done to make it amazing. But we have come to the conclusion that they indeed did a lot of HARD WORK!
so today 3 1/2 years later - we do not have any more lettuce, some of the fruit trees are dying and the garden area has 6 foot weeds all over it.
It's depressing.
we felt impressed that this was the right home for us and we bought it. But we have had to work hard to keep up with the bills. between 3 businesses, 5 crazy kids and other responsibilities - we wonder, how does one have the time for a garden. no really, I want to know. do you have a garden and how do you keep up with it if you also have other businesses you run in order to pay the bills.
We have given a few attempts at it. we get out there and weed and think we are ready to plant and then we go out a week later to see all our work was for nothing. I am so depressed. I had pulled and pulled weeds like mad for a few weeks and we took a little break. I was thinking it was time to prep the soil and went out to see the weeds had all come back.
I will admit - we do not have a ton of money to purchase gallons of weed control and such. the reason we need a garden is because it is getting tough to buy produce. anyway - I am just overwhelmed about the idea of doing this garden. i wish I could afford to hire someone else to come and take care of it for us. I am exploring many options on how to care for a garden on limited time. but everything I read says - get ready to spend a lot of time and effort in getting your garden ready for planting. ouch...
still looking for the joy!
ideas anyone?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Banks
This might seem a little too personal, But I need this story shared! I am sending it to newspapers, banks and friends. I am tired of being ripped of by those who I trust to help me get ahead financially -
this is my story:
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have experienced feast and famine, ups and downs, struggles and triumphs – especially with finances. My husband had his first experience with a difficult layoff in 2001 after 9/11 put the company he worked for out of commission. He struggled to find work in our region that would pay enough to provide for a family and after going through several jobs, he decided to work for himself as a graphic designer. I pitched in and worked from home to help pay the bills and keep food on the table. We have had some really great years and we have experienced leaned years.
Lately with the economic downturn, our life has been what has become normal to us – tough as usual. But we get by. There are times we are overdrawn and need to pay bills a little late, but we always pay, get our accounts positive and we have not been on welfare to assist us.
I have never changed banks since I was 16 years old. I was with Great Western that was purchased by Washington Mutual and is now taken over by Chase. I have made no major changes to my accounts and have been banking as I normally have over the past 20 years.
I did decide to open accounts in other banks and tried Zions Bank out as well since after I moved there was no WAMU (Chase) in my little town.
I have been used to being overdrawn, paying a fee of $25-$29 for a paid item when I was NSF. But recently after opening an account at Zion and Chase taking over Wamu, I am now charged between $2.50 - $5.00 PER DAY when overdrawn! (this is at both banks)
This may not sound like it’s that big of a deal and you may be thinking, well woman, get your account in order and quit being overdrawn. Great idea!
Here’s a story about how the bank fights small time clients with that idea. About 6 months ago it was an extra lean time for my family. My husband was waiting for a client to pay him so we could pay our bills. Our joint checking we use for household expenses was at zero. SO, I used my very small personal checking to go buy milk and diapers and food about $40 worth BUT I was about $3 off on my checking account balance. I was unaware of this for a couple of weeks. I went in to make a small deposit from some of my odd and end jobs and found I was now overdrawn -$99. My deposit I was hoping would give me $60 in the bank left me at a negative -$39 and I would not have a deposit for at least another week. I also could not get the things I needed for my little family. I came in a week later to make a $100 deposit and now only had $26 instead of the money I needed to pay a few small bills. I made a decision that even though I did not have the money in there, I needed to pay a phone bill of $70 in order to make phone calls to make more money. This made me go negative again to -$44 and the OD fee made me -$73. It would be a couple more weeks until I would be able to make another meager deposit. So 2 weeks later I was now negative - $143. I was getting in deeper and deeper and this continued with Zions bank. This was supposed to be my emergency money for when times were tough I could go get diapers, food or whatever we needed while my husband was waiting for clients to pay him. I did not work a full-time job, just a small hobby business for emergencies. But my banks fees were leading to deeper and deeper financial strain on this small account.
That story was with Zions Bank. 6 months ago
But then, my relationship with WAMU changed as they became Chase. My bank I had been with since I was 16 started doing the same thing and worse!
I have an account for retreats that is only for paying for those retreats. I also have an account that is for my customer orders. I do not mix the money. I had a rough time with business and had some cancellations and refunds I needed to give for a retreat that left me with a SMALL negative balance that I knew I could bring to a positive within a couple of weeks as I collected client payments for the next retreat.
I went to make a deposit in my account BUT my bank had brought it to a positive and closed it for me. The money they used to bring it to a positive was from my customer orders account – this was money people paid me to purchase their supplies – it was GONE! what money do I use to place their orders?
Here what happened – the refunds caused me to be overdrawn $100 plus the OD fee of $35 gave me a balance of a negative -$135 plus the $5/day fee for being overdrawn for 20 days brought me to a negative balance of -$235
I really had no idea I was charged $35 for the OD (that amount had gone up with the changing of the bank nameO and I had no idea I had paid $5/day in this bank I thought I had been with since I was 16. apparently things REALLY change when another bank buys the bank I used to be with. I was banking as usual. Chase decided to take my customer’s money for orders and dump it into my other account and close it out without giving me warning.
Yeah, I am done with those 2 banks. I am now going to be Putting my money under my mattress. why not? There is no interest in these “free” checking accounts. In fact these free checking accounts have cost me over $1000 over the past year.
I wonder who these fees harm? does it harm The guy that makes more than enough money to provide for his family and then some? The guy with the stable job that pays every 2 weeks and has enough money for a trip to Disneyland every year can't understand my problem. Or does it harm more the people that have been laid off, had cut backs effect them, projects diminish, etc…. and are just trying to squeeze by. I feel like I borrowed money from “Vinnie the loan shark” and now my head is in a vice and I can’t get out of his hold. Except it’s not Vinnie, it’s my bank squeezing me beyond dry.
I don’t get it. I mean I know that banks make a lot of their money off of OD fees and the like, But sheeze! This is ridiculous! We are looking at a tough economy with people just trying to get by and the banks are not helping. How does someone barely paying their bills get by when a bank punishes them a daily Overdrawn fee when they fall behind? How can they hope to get ahead? Banks are taking advantage of the poor and struggling and making it worse. It’s time something changed. What are we able to do as consumers to change this. It’s time for a revolt. I am closing my accounts. The bank has made thousands of dollars off my overdraft fees over the past few years. In times of Success, I had kept my savings with them and they made money off the money I kept in CD’s and money market accounts. Now, because they choose to punish and strangle someone who is trying to make it and they are making it nearly impossible to get by in times of difficulty - they will make zero from me in fees from here on out!
Tomorrow I am going to start cashing my checks instead of depositing them. Tomorrow, I buy money orders instead of having a checking account. I use cash when possible, send money orders when checks are needed, and not using a debit card at all anymore. I’ve done it years ago, before debit cards – remember those days? we can go back.
Banks are relying on us strugglers to make them the most amount of money – let’s stop!
Refuse to pay daily OD fees – demand that they be illegal or refuse to banks that charge them. Close your accounts at these kinds of banks!
The only way to get ahead when your job isn’t paying you enough and your bank is raking you over – is to get out of your thieving cheating bank.
I laughed when I walked into Zions Bank the other day and saw this sign “We haven’t forgotten who makes us successful…” ( in reference to the client of course). I laughed because I indeed did contribute to their success. My free checking account has paid them over $1000 this past year. Times that by how many more people are in my shoes – OH yeah we are contributing to their financial gain and they don’t forget by charging us daily when we are down. Thanks, but No thanks! I need a bank like that like I need another hole in my head.
this is my story:
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have experienced feast and famine, ups and downs, struggles and triumphs – especially with finances. My husband had his first experience with a difficult layoff in 2001 after 9/11 put the company he worked for out of commission. He struggled to find work in our region that would pay enough to provide for a family and after going through several jobs, he decided to work for himself as a graphic designer. I pitched in and worked from home to help pay the bills and keep food on the table. We have had some really great years and we have experienced leaned years.
Lately with the economic downturn, our life has been what has become normal to us – tough as usual. But we get by. There are times we are overdrawn and need to pay bills a little late, but we always pay, get our accounts positive and we have not been on welfare to assist us.
I have never changed banks since I was 16 years old. I was with Great Western that was purchased by Washington Mutual and is now taken over by Chase. I have made no major changes to my accounts and have been banking as I normally have over the past 20 years.
I did decide to open accounts in other banks and tried Zions Bank out as well since after I moved there was no WAMU (Chase) in my little town.
I have been used to being overdrawn, paying a fee of $25-$29 for a paid item when I was NSF. But recently after opening an account at Zion and Chase taking over Wamu, I am now charged between $2.50 - $5.00 PER DAY when overdrawn! (this is at both banks)
This may not sound like it’s that big of a deal and you may be thinking, well woman, get your account in order and quit being overdrawn. Great idea!
Here’s a story about how the bank fights small time clients with that idea. About 6 months ago it was an extra lean time for my family. My husband was waiting for a client to pay him so we could pay our bills. Our joint checking we use for household expenses was at zero. SO, I used my very small personal checking to go buy milk and diapers and food about $40 worth BUT I was about $3 off on my checking account balance. I was unaware of this for a couple of weeks. I went in to make a small deposit from some of my odd and end jobs and found I was now overdrawn -$99. My deposit I was hoping would give me $60 in the bank left me at a negative -$39 and I would not have a deposit for at least another week. I also could not get the things I needed for my little family. I came in a week later to make a $100 deposit and now only had $26 instead of the money I needed to pay a few small bills. I made a decision that even though I did not have the money in there, I needed to pay a phone bill of $70 in order to make phone calls to make more money. This made me go negative again to -$44 and the OD fee made me -$73. It would be a couple more weeks until I would be able to make another meager deposit. So 2 weeks later I was now negative - $143. I was getting in deeper and deeper and this continued with Zions bank. This was supposed to be my emergency money for when times were tough I could go get diapers, food or whatever we needed while my husband was waiting for clients to pay him. I did not work a full-time job, just a small hobby business for emergencies. But my banks fees were leading to deeper and deeper financial strain on this small account.
That story was with Zions Bank. 6 months ago
But then, my relationship with WAMU changed as they became Chase. My bank I had been with since I was 16 started doing the same thing and worse!
I have an account for retreats that is only for paying for those retreats. I also have an account that is for my customer orders. I do not mix the money. I had a rough time with business and had some cancellations and refunds I needed to give for a retreat that left me with a SMALL negative balance that I knew I could bring to a positive within a couple of weeks as I collected client payments for the next retreat.
I went to make a deposit in my account BUT my bank had brought it to a positive and closed it for me. The money they used to bring it to a positive was from my customer orders account – this was money people paid me to purchase their supplies – it was GONE! what money do I use to place their orders?
Here what happened – the refunds caused me to be overdrawn $100 plus the OD fee of $35 gave me a balance of a negative -$135 plus the $5/day fee for being overdrawn for 20 days brought me to a negative balance of -$235
I really had no idea I was charged $35 for the OD (that amount had gone up with the changing of the bank nameO and I had no idea I had paid $5/day in this bank I thought I had been with since I was 16. apparently things REALLY change when another bank buys the bank I used to be with. I was banking as usual. Chase decided to take my customer’s money for orders and dump it into my other account and close it out without giving me warning.
Yeah, I am done with those 2 banks. I am now going to be Putting my money under my mattress. why not? There is no interest in these “free” checking accounts. In fact these free checking accounts have cost me over $1000 over the past year.
I wonder who these fees harm? does it harm The guy that makes more than enough money to provide for his family and then some? The guy with the stable job that pays every 2 weeks and has enough money for a trip to Disneyland every year can't understand my problem. Or does it harm more the people that have been laid off, had cut backs effect them, projects diminish, etc…. and are just trying to squeeze by. I feel like I borrowed money from “Vinnie the loan shark” and now my head is in a vice and I can’t get out of his hold. Except it’s not Vinnie, it’s my bank squeezing me beyond dry.
I don’t get it. I mean I know that banks make a lot of their money off of OD fees and the like, But sheeze! This is ridiculous! We are looking at a tough economy with people just trying to get by and the banks are not helping. How does someone barely paying their bills get by when a bank punishes them a daily Overdrawn fee when they fall behind? How can they hope to get ahead? Banks are taking advantage of the poor and struggling and making it worse. It’s time something changed. What are we able to do as consumers to change this. It’s time for a revolt. I am closing my accounts. The bank has made thousands of dollars off my overdraft fees over the past few years. In times of Success, I had kept my savings with them and they made money off the money I kept in CD’s and money market accounts. Now, because they choose to punish and strangle someone who is trying to make it and they are making it nearly impossible to get by in times of difficulty - they will make zero from me in fees from here on out!
Tomorrow I am going to start cashing my checks instead of depositing them. Tomorrow, I buy money orders instead of having a checking account. I use cash when possible, send money orders when checks are needed, and not using a debit card at all anymore. I’ve done it years ago, before debit cards – remember those days? we can go back.
Banks are relying on us strugglers to make them the most amount of money – let’s stop!
Refuse to pay daily OD fees – demand that they be illegal or refuse to banks that charge them. Close your accounts at these kinds of banks!
The only way to get ahead when your job isn’t paying you enough and your bank is raking you over – is to get out of your thieving cheating bank.
I laughed when I walked into Zions Bank the other day and saw this sign “We haven’t forgotten who makes us successful…” ( in reference to the client of course). I laughed because I indeed did contribute to their success. My free checking account has paid them over $1000 this past year. Times that by how many more people are in my shoes – OH yeah we are contributing to their financial gain and they don’t forget by charging us daily when we are down. Thanks, but No thanks! I need a bank like that like I need another hole in my head.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Sandy
several days ago I brought another dog to the pound. we have had Sandy for almost 2 years. I love that darn dog. She has been a handful:
she killed some of our neighbors chickens and even got stuck in the Hardy's oldest son's chicken cooping killing his wive's baby chickens (all of them). Chuck nearly killed my dog for it (can't say I would have blamed him).
Sandy killed a cat in the lot next door to us while my 11 year old son was watching. he was traumatized and cried when he told me how awful it was to witness it. (hopefully it was a stray and not a pet of someone's).
Sandy kills birds, chickens, and cats. she's a dog. she does what dogs do.
She also is smart - she gets out of our yard. she can hop our block wall (that was never finished by those we hired to do it - loooong angry story - not going there.)
plus she pushes open our gate even when I tighten it up or find some kind of method to hopefully deter her effort, she pushes past pain and uses her teeth to pull things apart set up to protect her from getting out of the gate. She cannot be chained up, she has 3 broken collars and 2 broken chains. She also figured out how to get her collar off over her head.
So I decided I would be a great dog owner - train her, work with her, run with her, etc... I thought "maybe she does all this because she is bored?" so I kept her busy - nope. on the days I ran her the hardest and trained and work my butt off with her, she continued to escape.
Sandy is gentle to people. she loves kids and will lick them and cuddle them. She used to sleep with my 4 year old. She was raised with babies. in fact she is only a few months older than my youngest baby. She and he were raised together.
SO... I have put up with her doginess and have tried keeping her indoors and run with her when I take her out. BUT our neighborhood is full of 4 and 5 year old kids that feel free to walk in and out of our home and leave the doors open as well as the gates to the yard (not that the yard gates would matter anyway). I cannot keep my sandy safe from herself.
The other day after a crew of 4 and 5 year olds were running all over my home, there was a knock on my door. There were 3 kids ages 10-12 years old. I know these kids, they know me, they know my dogs. I will keep them nameless since some readers know who they are as well.
There was a girl with tears in her eyes and the leader of the bunch that knows my family best was talking to me. "Sister Ennis, you have got to do something about your dog Sandy. She just killed _________'s pet rabbit while she was playing with it in her front yard."
I was devastated!
This was new. Sandy had never killed an animal while a child was playing with it. she had never even taken a piece of food out of my baby's hand. I had trained her to have self control when a child was holding a hot dog or piece of chicken. Sandy would sit and wait and wimper sometimes. But she would never take something away from a kid. I was crushed!
Sandy went to the pound that day - immediately.
I took my kids with me so they could say good-bye to her. Evan, Gabe and Ilia cried all the way home. Dane was 4 and didn't understand that Sandy was gone for good. He kept saying "is she at a babysitters and we get her tomorrow?" "Sandy will be home tomorrow right mom?" - this was his best buddy that he cuddled with at night. I had taken her away and I was crushed.
I went to the neighbor's house the next day to apologize and tell them I took care of my dog and see if they wanted a replacement bunny.
as I spoke to the mother - the real story emerged...
the little bunny had escaped from it's cage and was in the empty lot next door to us. Sandy and my other dog, Tottie (who does NOT kill rabbits and chickens)had been let out of my home by this family's little boy when he came over and let himself into my home.
so the dog killed the bunny - not right out of the kids hands, but in the lot next door. she again, was just being a dog, not the viscous animal these kids made her out to be. She did not take a bunny out of a girl's hands. the girl was not even near the bunny.
when I told the mother the story, she looked at her daughter and said "could you tell her what really happened please?" the daughter was swallowing hard and trying to explain a little better. "well... it wasn't exactly like that... but she did kill my bunny... not in our yard I guess..."
I asked the mom if she wanted a replacement bunny and the mother said "Please no!"
I am torn up about bringing my dog to the pound. that was not the place for a dog like Sandy. (although I am sure there are a few chicken owning neighbors that will strongly disagree with me)
HOWEVER - we are now down to one dog, and I love it! It is so much easier to have one dog that adores us. He sleeps with Evan and is a lot more obedient now that he is not trying to escape with his friend. now when he escapes, he sits by the house rather than wander the neighborhood with Sandy.
I miss Sandy. I am angry that I got rid of her because some kids decided to over exaggerate the truth and guilt me into getting rid of a dog that was just a dog doing what most dogs do.
BUT I would not get rid of one of my kids for screaming at me and disobeying, lying to me and being a rotten child (we'll wait til they are 14 ish and they have a program for them) just kidding - sort of. No, really, we have some serious struggles with kids at times but they are ours and we love them.
Dogs are similar. we struggle sometimes in training our dogs and getting them to be the kind of pet we want them to be. The difference is - they are dogs, not humans. so we give up faster. we decide that since they are not a child in our family it is fine to be done with them when they are too much stress. we can't choose that with kids without having the law step in and handle things.
I feel so guilty about Sandy. but because I am really enjoying being a one dog home, I am not going to go back to the pound and get her out. I hope someone with a secure yard gets her.
she was a great friend to me and my kids.
she killed some of our neighbors chickens and even got stuck in the Hardy's oldest son's chicken cooping killing his wive's baby chickens (all of them). Chuck nearly killed my dog for it (can't say I would have blamed him).
Sandy killed a cat in the lot next door to us while my 11 year old son was watching. he was traumatized and cried when he told me how awful it was to witness it. (hopefully it was a stray and not a pet of someone's).
Sandy kills birds, chickens, and cats. she's a dog. she does what dogs do.
She also is smart - she gets out of our yard. she can hop our block wall (that was never finished by those we hired to do it - loooong angry story - not going there.)
plus she pushes open our gate even when I tighten it up or find some kind of method to hopefully deter her effort, she pushes past pain and uses her teeth to pull things apart set up to protect her from getting out of the gate. She cannot be chained up, she has 3 broken collars and 2 broken chains. She also figured out how to get her collar off over her head.
So I decided I would be a great dog owner - train her, work with her, run with her, etc... I thought "maybe she does all this because she is bored?" so I kept her busy - nope. on the days I ran her the hardest and trained and work my butt off with her, she continued to escape.
Sandy is gentle to people. she loves kids and will lick them and cuddle them. She used to sleep with my 4 year old. She was raised with babies. in fact she is only a few months older than my youngest baby. She and he were raised together.
SO... I have put up with her doginess and have tried keeping her indoors and run with her when I take her out. BUT our neighborhood is full of 4 and 5 year old kids that feel free to walk in and out of our home and leave the doors open as well as the gates to the yard (not that the yard gates would matter anyway). I cannot keep my sandy safe from herself.
The other day after a crew of 4 and 5 year olds were running all over my home, there was a knock on my door. There were 3 kids ages 10-12 years old. I know these kids, they know me, they know my dogs. I will keep them nameless since some readers know who they are as well.
There was a girl with tears in her eyes and the leader of the bunch that knows my family best was talking to me. "Sister Ennis, you have got to do something about your dog Sandy. She just killed _________'s pet rabbit while she was playing with it in her front yard."
I was devastated!
This was new. Sandy had never killed an animal while a child was playing with it. she had never even taken a piece of food out of my baby's hand. I had trained her to have self control when a child was holding a hot dog or piece of chicken. Sandy would sit and wait and wimper sometimes. But she would never take something away from a kid. I was crushed!
Sandy went to the pound that day - immediately.
I took my kids with me so they could say good-bye to her. Evan, Gabe and Ilia cried all the way home. Dane was 4 and didn't understand that Sandy was gone for good. He kept saying "is she at a babysitters and we get her tomorrow?" "Sandy will be home tomorrow right mom?" - this was his best buddy that he cuddled with at night. I had taken her away and I was crushed.
I went to the neighbor's house the next day to apologize and tell them I took care of my dog and see if they wanted a replacement bunny.
as I spoke to the mother - the real story emerged...
the little bunny had escaped from it's cage and was in the empty lot next door to us. Sandy and my other dog, Tottie (who does NOT kill rabbits and chickens)had been let out of my home by this family's little boy when he came over and let himself into my home.
so the dog killed the bunny - not right out of the kids hands, but in the lot next door. she again, was just being a dog, not the viscous animal these kids made her out to be. She did not take a bunny out of a girl's hands. the girl was not even near the bunny.
when I told the mother the story, she looked at her daughter and said "could you tell her what really happened please?" the daughter was swallowing hard and trying to explain a little better. "well... it wasn't exactly like that... but she did kill my bunny... not in our yard I guess..."
I asked the mom if she wanted a replacement bunny and the mother said "Please no!"
I am torn up about bringing my dog to the pound. that was not the place for a dog like Sandy. (although I am sure there are a few chicken owning neighbors that will strongly disagree with me)
HOWEVER - we are now down to one dog, and I love it! It is so much easier to have one dog that adores us. He sleeps with Evan and is a lot more obedient now that he is not trying to escape with his friend. now when he escapes, he sits by the house rather than wander the neighborhood with Sandy.
I miss Sandy. I am angry that I got rid of her because some kids decided to over exaggerate the truth and guilt me into getting rid of a dog that was just a dog doing what most dogs do.
BUT I would not get rid of one of my kids for screaming at me and disobeying, lying to me and being a rotten child (we'll wait til they are 14 ish and they have a program for them) just kidding - sort of. No, really, we have some serious struggles with kids at times but they are ours and we love them.
Dogs are similar. we struggle sometimes in training our dogs and getting them to be the kind of pet we want them to be. The difference is - they are dogs, not humans. so we give up faster. we decide that since they are not a child in our family it is fine to be done with them when they are too much stress. we can't choose that with kids without having the law step in and handle things.
I feel so guilty about Sandy. but because I am really enjoying being a one dog home, I am not going to go back to the pound and get her out. I hope someone with a secure yard gets her.
she was a great friend to me and my kids.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
phazesfitness.blogspot.com
so, I said I was doing outdoor fitness adventures and bootcamps and such. my blogspot until I have a "real" website is phazesfitness.blogspot.com
Monday morning at 6am I have about 10 potential personal trainers coming to try out for a job. There is a marine, 2 marathon runners and guy who does martial arts and combat training a professional rock climber and a personal trainer as well as a few other assorted types. I am going to get my trash kicked. but that's what I want. I can hardly wait!
by the way - go check out my other blogspot.
right now we just have bootcamps going on, but pretty soon we are adding weekend adventures, hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, etc...
My job is the best!
Monday morning at 6am I have about 10 potential personal trainers coming to try out for a job. There is a marine, 2 marathon runners and guy who does martial arts and combat training a professional rock climber and a personal trainer as well as a few other assorted types. I am going to get my trash kicked. but that's what I want. I can hardly wait!
by the way - go check out my other blogspot.
right now we just have bootcamps going on, but pretty soon we are adding weekend adventures, hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, etc...
My job is the best!
Monday, April 27, 2009
I started a Fitness Bootcamp!
Sometimes I wonder why God directs one path and then that path halts and it is also the right answer. as many of my friends know, I went back to work punching a clock for someone else in the form of a job at Curves. I prayed about the decision and it felt right. It was definitely the right thing to pursue. 7 months later I am quitting. It's weird to call it quits so soon when I thought I was going to be able to give them a year or 2 of my life.
in the process of my time there increasing membership, training team and clients and loving my job as a fitness coach once again - I learned a few things about myself. I am critical and bossy and driven and competitive. I don't take instruction well from someone I have little respect for and I would make a great business owner with a good partner.
SOOOOO...
Enter my new outdoor fitness adventure!!!!
Phazes Fitness - "Outdoor fitness adventures"
I partnered up with an old friend I deeply admire for her skills in administration, business development and her love for fitness and adventure - Robin Sanderson. and my husband Bill has talked his way into being my Director of marketing. It's a great partnership and both Robin and I put in our notices and quit our jobs.
SCARY and exciting at the same time. I feel so good about the decision.
so now, I tie up loose ends at Curves, do some training of the new employees and get on with something I am passionate about more than anything - playing outside! and getting fit doing it!
wow. I can't believe I am on this path. it is a dream coming true right now. I had gone to college to become a personal trainer and fitness instructor and somewhere along the way lost me. I am coming back. My girl, Wendy Smart lost 5 pounds this past week at my Bootcamp!!! it's thrilling to be doing this for people and seeing the change happening in their lives.
So if you check out phazesfitness.blogspot.com that's my business blog. loads of fun! we are going to be doing kayaking, hiking and trail runs, biking, swimming, repelling and rock climbing and so much more!
This should be an amazing journey!
in the process of my time there increasing membership, training team and clients and loving my job as a fitness coach once again - I learned a few things about myself. I am critical and bossy and driven and competitive. I don't take instruction well from someone I have little respect for and I would make a great business owner with a good partner.
SOOOOO...
Enter my new outdoor fitness adventure!!!!
Phazes Fitness - "Outdoor fitness adventures"
I partnered up with an old friend I deeply admire for her skills in administration, business development and her love for fitness and adventure - Robin Sanderson. and my husband Bill has talked his way into being my Director of marketing. It's a great partnership and both Robin and I put in our notices and quit our jobs.
SCARY and exciting at the same time. I feel so good about the decision.
so now, I tie up loose ends at Curves, do some training of the new employees and get on with something I am passionate about more than anything - playing outside! and getting fit doing it!
wow. I can't believe I am on this path. it is a dream coming true right now. I had gone to college to become a personal trainer and fitness instructor and somewhere along the way lost me. I am coming back. My girl, Wendy Smart lost 5 pounds this past week at my Bootcamp!!! it's thrilling to be doing this for people and seeing the change happening in their lives.
So if you check out phazesfitness.blogspot.com that's my business blog. loads of fun! we are going to be doing kayaking, hiking and trail runs, biking, swimming, repelling and rock climbing and so much more!
This should be an amazing journey!
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