Happy Valentine's day from the Mother Load...

Here is another great article from my friend Sarah that writes for the Spectrum...
ENJOY - (again not my writing, but I love it!)


Valentine’s Day is Saturday (you’re welcome, all you men who forgot). Being a student , I find myself fascinated with the origins of just about everything, and holidays are no exception. Unlike certain people in my life (*cough* Mom) who would ban the Easter bunny because of its origins as a pagan fertility symbol, I’m not on my quest to do away with holiday traditions whose origins I find personally objectionable. I just want the information so I can feel smarter than your average Valentine.



Looking into the origins of holidays is not unlike cleaning out your fridge. The more you dig, the less sure you are of what you’ve actually discovered. There are several versions of the Valentine story. I’ll let you decide which you prefer.

Version 1: Early Europeans believed that February 14th was the day all birds began to choose their mates. This belief has its origins in Chaucer, who wrote that Europeans believed this. Europeans, embarrassed that they didn’t already know they believed this, began believing it and pretending that they had always believed it. This led to mass expressions of love as a distraction from the fact that nobody actually knew what they really believed.



Version 2: The Pagans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia every February to honor the Roman God Lupercus and thank him for saving their flocks from wolves. Girls names were drawn from a box by the boys in attendance and the couples were considered partners for a year. The Christians renamed this celebration Valentine’s Day and encouraged the pagans to draw the names of saints instead. The pagans weren’t having it, probably because dead saints weren’t very good kissers.



Version 3: Emperor Claudius, annoyed that the men of his empire were less than willing leave their wives and fiancés to fight in his wars, placed a moratorium on marriages and declared all engagements canceled. Saint Valentine secretly performed marriages and was thrown into prison, where he died. It’s unknown whether any children of those secret marriages were named Valentine in his honor, because, well, they were secret.



Version 4: St. Valentine was imprisoned by Claudius for helping Christians. While in prison, he cured a jailer’s daughter of her blindness and/or fell in love with her and wrote her letters signed, “From your Valentine.” Claudius didn’t like the idea of his prisoners performing miracles and/or writing love notes and had Valentine clubbed and/or beheaded on February 14, 269 A.D. It’s unclear whether or not this Valentine is the same as the one in the previous version because they’re both dead and can’t be reached for comment.



Version 5: St. Valentine, upon being rejected by his mistress, cut out his own heart and sent it to her, still beating, as a token of his love. According to some scholars, we give heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and send heart shaped cards in the mail in remembrance of his passion and suffering. I would add mental illness, but I’m sure there’s another holiday set aside for that (it’s called Black Friday).



Whichever version you choose, it’s obvious that this holiday is steeped in tradition and rich with history. When you look into the eyes of your love this Saturday, remember wolves, wars, disembodied heads, and bloody, beating hearts sent through the mail.



If you’re now too disgusted to give that heart-shaped box of chocolates to your sweetheart, do feel free to send it to me via The Spectrum.

(Thank You Sarah!)

Happy Valentine's Day - Tomorrow.. so Happy Friday the 13th!

I was listening to Valentine Horror stories on the radio this morning and realized "Oh my gosh, I have one. I WAS ONE! I was the crappy Valentine's Date from Hell to a poor boy." I have never written about and only told a few people about it. I decided that in celebration of Valentine's Day I would write about my bad deed on that special day.

Bill HATES this story...

it was 1996, I was living in Southern California and going to Saddleback College in Mission Viejo. Most of my college buddies were really really "rowdy" (to put it mildly). So I had found a friend among the rowdy ones that only liked to hang out with them but didn't party like them - just like me. He was a great guy and we started dating. Randy was a born again Christian, he didn't drink and he believed sex was for a husband and wife only. So we had the same basic life styles and core belief system. We had the same larger group of friends and I really enjoyed being around him. One time when things were serious he and I had a little chat.

Randy: so, your a mormon huh?
Me: yup
Randy: where are things going with us?
Me: not sure, for now I enjoy being around you.
Randy: I can't marry someone that isn't a born again christian
Me: great! I can't marry someone not LDS
Randy: so... what now? do we break up?
Me: well, I guess we could. truth is, I already know who I am going to marry.
Randy: really? are you dating someone else right also?
Me: no, he's actually on a mission in South America right now.
Randy: oh. has he proposed to you?
Me: no. Nick, you believe in the holy Ghost right?
Randy: yes
Me: you believe that the Holy Ghost can witness things to you right?
Randy: yes
Me: well the best I can explain it is that the Holy Ghost has told me that I will one day marry Bill.
Randy: that's cool. I get it.
Me: so what now
Randy: I guess we can keep hanging out, keep each other out of trouble and we don't get serious. Then when he comes home it's over. Deal?
Me: Sounds good - Deal.

a month later, February 2nd 1996, Bill comes home. I tell Randy that my future husband is home, he's fine with things he says. a few days later I invite Bill to Disneyland (we aren't really dating yet) and he can't go with me. So who do I call? Randy. I mean, I was invited on a double date with some Marni Manley and her date, I HAD to have a date and Bill couldn't go. So Randy went with me. (Bill is still insanely jealous about it).
Then a week later is Valentine's Day. Bill and I had gone out once to a Church dance and that was it. we hadn't gotten serious, he hadn't really taken things anywhere yet, (he had only been home less than 2 weeks, can't say I expected things to go anywhere yet).
So... who asks me out on Valentine's Day? Randy!!!!
(not Bill - your own fault Bill, quit getting jealous!)
I accept his invitation for a date I thought was going to be a casual hanging out.

Poor guy...
He shows up at my house dressed up nice and with a dozen ROSES!
I thank him. and we get in his car.
He says we are going to go see the most incredible view of the ocean from the mountains where he has a special surprise waiting for me. (crap)
So He takes me to the top of a Hill near Laguna. It was incredible, the ocean, the stars Laguna below us - absolutely breath taking! we walk over to where he had someone set up a picnic, with candles, music, the whole 9 yards. and he had MADE Chocolate covered Strawberries just a couple hours before he showed up to take me out. He had gone all out.
I didn't know what to say. It was too much. no, really, it really was too much.
We ate, we didn't say much. He asked me to dance. As soon as he grabbed my hand, I stopped him.
"Randy, you have done too much. Your a great guy. But, I have to call it quits with you. Bill has been home for 2 weeks and I know he's the one. You should probably take me home."

Yup. I broke up with a great guy on Valentine's day. He had gone all out and kicked some butt on the romantic date planning, and I crushed him. I suck!

well there is my Valentine Horror Story.

Bill and I were engaged 3 weeks later.

Bill - I love you! Sorry I am scum.
Randy - wherever you are, sorry I am scum. You are a good guy, just not MY guy.

It's funny...

It's been a while since I've "blogged"...
that phrase is funny to me. you see, that's how almost every journal entry in every journal I have ever had starts.
..."it's been a while since I've written..." As if I owe someone an apology for my laziness. when in fact it is not laziness but busy - ness that keeps me from blogging.

Yes, I have been home-schooling. I kind of feel guilty that I am not liking it as much as other moms seem to like it. It is a real sacrifice to make sure I make that time to prepare and sit and teach and help. I get very frustrated with my son.
but here is what I do love - he is doing better than he had a chance to do in school.
Gabe is a difficult kid sometimes. He flat out refuses to do work of any kind unless it is making movies on the computer.
so me... the big genius that I am... decides he gets to have his own blog spot to journal and write in. But what is his Blog now? A huge mess of games and movie downloads. No writing anywhere. hurumph. okay, how to get a kid to write. that is the next problem. He draws comic books and writes a few words or phrases here and there to embellish the story he tells with pictures. He is a great story teller with pictures. I love that he can change facial expressions and body language in a stick figure. amazing to a non-artist like me.
I had the reverse problem in school. Teachers were always saying "Michelle, I asked for a one page essay comparing these 2 poems, I didn't need 13 pages tying in other poetry books and comparisons Please do it over and make it something I can read in one night."
Yeah, I was THAT kid. So it's hard for me to figure out why MY child doesn't want to write? I don't expect perfection. one time I told him he could write anything he wanted to (this was after trying to get him to do a paragraph of what he just read) But he cried and cried and cried and refused and said his head was going to explode. So when the paper was finally finished it was something like this...
"... I hate my mom. my head hurts. Why does everyone hate me. I can't think of anything to write. If I have to miss my brother's party I'd rather die. ..." etc, etc...
So yeah. He finally wrote a whole page. this is something he has never done before for any teacher. since then he has written 2 other pages very similar, but he is STARTTING to write.

I believe learning to write to be so important. maybe it's because it's MY way of being vocal. But truly every great leader in history has been able to write their thoughts and feelings. Even great scientists and artists need to learn to write what they think and see and feel in order to gain the respect of their communities.

So yeah, I am a stickler on writing. Not penmanship, not spelling, not punctuation. Just on writing. Getting thoughts to words to computer or paper. If I can help him do that, I think he can feel more free to express all those things tied up inside him.

Home School update...

we went through 2 weeks of Homeschool. I have to admit, although I was slightly intimidated by the idea, I really, surprisingly, enjoyed it! wow!
I did give my kids the chance to decide for themselves if they would rather be homeschooled or go to school (I knew what Gabe would choose). I was hoping they would both choose homeschool since I really got used to them being such awesome help around the house and with the baby.
Gabe was obvious. He could hardly wait for an excuse not to have to endure another day in the corner at public school. He has been begging to be homeschooled for a couple of years actually, so yes, he chose to be home.

Evan, on the other hand, was frustrated with me that I could not keep up with him. he was often waiting for me to figure out how to do all that 5th grade math stuff that I had forgotten and needed to "google" before I could explain in to him. He told me he learns better with a "real teacher". Oh how I tried to talk him into staying home and explained that we could get a "real teacher" he could talk to and still be home. He said "no thanks, I need a real recess and soccer and my friends too mom."
bummer He was such a good babysitter for those days I needed to go take care of things and leave the baby at home. I will miss my 11 year old free child care. He's a cool kid though and I am glad he was clear-headed about his decision and I will respect it as long as he continues to do well in school and our home life is not too upside down. know what I mean?
If Bill takes the job where he may be gone a week at a time, I may need Evan's help again. and He may have no choice but to be homeschooled. Time will tell.

For now, Evan goes back, Gabe stays home. I think it might work. maybe I can "school" some responsibility into my 9 year old hyper kid. we'll see.

To School or not to School, that is the question...

whether tis nobler to sacrifice the quiet sanctity when all kids are away or to keep my sanity and send them off for some other poor sap to try and corral them... and... whatever...
Our community has a Whooping cough or Pertussis (sp?) outbreak and all non-immunized kids have to go home for nearly a month until this passes. AND kids whose California pediatrician and new Utah Pediatrician back in the year 2001 lost immunization records - well, those kids have to go home too if you can't prove they were immunized and you don't want to re-do them all (such is the case with my 2 oldest boys, Evan and Gabe). SO we get to try "home-school" for 30 days and see what we think.
Today was day one of the teachers sending home work for them to do for the next 2 weeks. DUUUDE! they blasted through it! I could not believe it. in fact I handed Evan his packet of math and said go as far as you can go. He stopped after 3 pages of math work and said "Mom, I better not pass up my class. I need to stop because normally this is where I stare off into space and wait for the rest of the class to catch up."
Gabe (almost 9years old) normally sits in the corner of the class because he has a few behavior problems connected to his easily distracted way, and he refuses to work and lives in a fantasy world. I handed him his packet and said "get as much done as fast as you can in any subject you want." so he grabbed the mapping stuff and did 3 pages in 15 minutes - something the teacher at school has to pull teeth to get him to do. I told him I was proud of him and gave him a piece of Chocolate and he asked if he could get more done tomorrow and get ahead and then started talking about if he could go to college when he was 12. Hmmmm.... he does love learning, he just has a hard time learning in a crowd and Evan is ready to just blast through the grade right now. I guess the school district and this pertussis thing was what I needed to finally decide to see what I could do for these 2 boys. So even when this whooping cough thing blows over, the public school system may not see these boys for a couple of years. we'll see. I told them it was a 30 day trial. SO far so good - Day one.
I'll keep you all posted...

Twilight Page

I am participating in the movie premier party for the Twilight deal. No, I have not read the books. Yes, I know I suck that I am going to the party thing and have not read the books. But it gets better...
I get to be a vendor and have a booth. we are going to be taking people's pictures and loading them into this digital page I created. I decided I am a much better digital scrapbooker than a paper one. I was really struggling with what kind of design and what items to use when I decided to try it digitally. I love it!
so people at the party will get their pictures taken for $1.50. Then I load all the pictures into seperate pages and load them onto cmphotocenter where they can then order them to be shipped to their homes.
My cost: only the cost of setting up the booth! whoo-hoo! I am so stoked!

we are at war...

I am sad.
I have received numerous e-mails and newspaper links to what is happening in California surrounding the issue of Prop 8. This is the proposition once again trying to define marriage as only legal between a man and a woman.

To be honest, I didn't think this should be such a big deal. why would it be so important that we only allow that kind of holy union between and man and a woman and not allow others that same privilege. I have family and many friends that are in same sex relationships that I have deep respect, love and even admiration for their great human qualities. Why would I want to deny them the right to be married to the person they love? The first reason I was willing to support the defining of marriage as stated in Prop 8 was only because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I do believe in a living prophet that communes with God. I do not know all things and I am willing to obey the prophet of God. I have a testimony in living prophets that I am so thankful for.

I am an open-minded person for the most part. I decided to read about both sides of the argument as presented by the proper parties involved. I read the oppositions point of view and I read the supporters point of view. I have watched multiple videos, read e-mails and have studied the issue.

Now why would I do this? I am not even voting in California? well... it truly matters to the world how this voting goes. and it matters that we speak now before it hits the rest of the nation.

In California "Domestic partners" have the same rights and privileges as married couples already. so to say that a couple in a same sex relationship is missing out on the rights that a married couple has is simply not true. they have the same rights to property, visitation and other considerations that are legally given to married couples. so why are they fighting for the right to be married in the public eye?

The only reason I can think of is to be able to force the world to have a legal obligation to accept it as moral behavior. we have seen the ramifications of it in Massachusetts as churches that refuse to give marriage ceremonies to gay couples have lost tax exemption status and the right to be a church when they were sued. etc... Parents have gone to jail for refusing to allow schools to just send home information for kindegartners about what constitutes a family. the Story of a king and a king getting married are shared with young children because it is now asked to be acceptable and moral to all of us regardless of our deep religious beliefs.

This is war and now I am in danger of being called a bigot by my friends an family that are fighting for the right for same sex marriage. I love you my friends. I love the good that many of you have and put out there for the world. many of my good friends are highly educated, kind-hearted, service oriented and wonderful human beings that just have a lifestyle I cannot accept as something I want to have to teach my children about as okay and moral.

I really believe this battle will reach all of us in every state and every country in the world. both sides are unwilling to give. so get ready. prepare yourself for a real battle in which friends and family will be divided. I am scared to lose friends I love dearly. But no-one can tell me that I MUST accept and teach something as okay that I know God did not intend for us.

on another side of this argument of same-sex marriage ... I have had a lot of thinking to do about same sex attraction as another dear friend of mine "came out". She and I were raised in the same faith. She served a mission, she was an example to me of faith. I looked up to her on so many levels. when I expressed my sadness about her lifestyle she was shocked that I would feel so upset. after all it was her life. she told me that she had struggled with this her whole life and had gone to counseling and had been fighting it and now was tired of the fight. That she is settled and happier.

That was hard for me to listen to. I understood how hard she must have fought it. I understood how she must be tired. But I could not accept that she came to earth with those tendencies. I refused to believe it. How could a loving God put a child of his on this earth with those struggles already in them. It just seemed wrong to me that she would claim to have struggled her whole life with this.

I prayed a lot for answers. I love and trust this individual and her judgment. she has always been of sound judgment for the most part so I was shaken more so with her statement than most of my casual college friends that are gay. I never prayed for answers when they told me about their sexual orientation. They were just a bunch of mixed up college kids. But when one of the dearest people and greatest examples in my world said she was this way - yeah - It was HARD for me to accept.

I refused to believe she was sent to earth with those tendencies. I absolutely refused to believe it.
I spent a lot of time crying and praying for answers.

One night I had a dream and it was very simple. there were just a few words that kept repeating in my mind over and over. I woke up because this dream was so intense. the words that came to me over and over were :
"I give unto men weaknesses..."

I remembered it as a portion of a scripture mastery learned in seminary and knew I needed to look up that scripture and read it more fully..
Ether 12:27
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

There were a lot of things that hit me hard as I read. I was wrong. She was right.
She was sent here to this earth with weaknesses. But her weaknesses were for a reason. The fight she gave up was one she was meant to fight. this was for her.

I have my own struggles and weaknesses that I fight. I may not understand hers. But they are hers and mine are mine. these weaknesses and tendencies are meant for us. they make us human. they give us opportunities for growth. I often kid around that the gay people I know are some of the better educated, dynamic, influential people in this world. I do not hate them. I love the ones I know (for the most part - there are always the exceptions of course). But I look at my friends and I recognize that Satan is fighting this war with some of the best of God's people that have been convinced to quit fighting such a difficult fight they've been given. They have been convinced that peace of mind comes from giving up the inner turmoil of trying to overcome something so difficult.

I believe it was Plato that said "the greatest victory is to defeat oneself. to be defeated by oneself is of all things, most shameful and vile."


back to the Prop 8 issue -
this is a long term battle of what is believed as moral behavior and rights to worship how one chooses versus the other side that sees this as a civil rights and equal opportunities to all human kind.
it is a difficult war and will be waged for many many years. I heard one gay man state that "the war for same sex marriages being legalized will be won. It is just a matter of when."

True or false - my job is to do my part for the side I believe in.


I quote


Moro. 9: 6
"6 And now, my beloved son, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God."
In the end - Moroni did not win the battle. He died fighting it. The true victory is in ones self. The true battle is in each one of us as we choose apathy or our desire to keep on going when it seems to be lost.

so no matter which side will win - we do our part!

anyway - that is my soapbox. I love you my dear, sweet friend. But I must fight this fight against same sex marriage. it is something that may cause a rift in families and friendships but must be fought. I have tears in my eyes as I write this knowing full well that you, my dear friend, will not agree. I imagine the heartache that will come to many in the next several years and I ache.

with love...