we are at war...

I am sad.
I have received numerous e-mails and newspaper links to what is happening in California surrounding the issue of Prop 8. This is the proposition once again trying to define marriage as only legal between a man and a woman.

To be honest, I didn't think this should be such a big deal. why would it be so important that we only allow that kind of holy union between and man and a woman and not allow others that same privilege. I have family and many friends that are in same sex relationships that I have deep respect, love and even admiration for their great human qualities. Why would I want to deny them the right to be married to the person they love? The first reason I was willing to support the defining of marriage as stated in Prop 8 was only because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I do believe in a living prophet that communes with God. I do not know all things and I am willing to obey the prophet of God. I have a testimony in living prophets that I am so thankful for.

I am an open-minded person for the most part. I decided to read about both sides of the argument as presented by the proper parties involved. I read the oppositions point of view and I read the supporters point of view. I have watched multiple videos, read e-mails and have studied the issue.

Now why would I do this? I am not even voting in California? well... it truly matters to the world how this voting goes. and it matters that we speak now before it hits the rest of the nation.

In California "Domestic partners" have the same rights and privileges as married couples already. so to say that a couple in a same sex relationship is missing out on the rights that a married couple has is simply not true. they have the same rights to property, visitation and other considerations that are legally given to married couples. so why are they fighting for the right to be married in the public eye?

The only reason I can think of is to be able to force the world to have a legal obligation to accept it as moral behavior. we have seen the ramifications of it in Massachusetts as churches that refuse to give marriage ceremonies to gay couples have lost tax exemption status and the right to be a church when they were sued. etc... Parents have gone to jail for refusing to allow schools to just send home information for kindegartners about what constitutes a family. the Story of a king and a king getting married are shared with young children because it is now asked to be acceptable and moral to all of us regardless of our deep religious beliefs.

This is war and now I am in danger of being called a bigot by my friends an family that are fighting for the right for same sex marriage. I love you my friends. I love the good that many of you have and put out there for the world. many of my good friends are highly educated, kind-hearted, service oriented and wonderful human beings that just have a lifestyle I cannot accept as something I want to have to teach my children about as okay and moral.

I really believe this battle will reach all of us in every state and every country in the world. both sides are unwilling to give. so get ready. prepare yourself for a real battle in which friends and family will be divided. I am scared to lose friends I love dearly. But no-one can tell me that I MUST accept and teach something as okay that I know God did not intend for us.

on another side of this argument of same-sex marriage ... I have had a lot of thinking to do about same sex attraction as another dear friend of mine "came out". She and I were raised in the same faith. She served a mission, she was an example to me of faith. I looked up to her on so many levels. when I expressed my sadness about her lifestyle she was shocked that I would feel so upset. after all it was her life. she told me that she had struggled with this her whole life and had gone to counseling and had been fighting it and now was tired of the fight. That she is settled and happier.

That was hard for me to listen to. I understood how hard she must have fought it. I understood how she must be tired. But I could not accept that she came to earth with those tendencies. I refused to believe it. How could a loving God put a child of his on this earth with those struggles already in them. It just seemed wrong to me that she would claim to have struggled her whole life with this.

I prayed a lot for answers. I love and trust this individual and her judgment. she has always been of sound judgment for the most part so I was shaken more so with her statement than most of my casual college friends that are gay. I never prayed for answers when they told me about their sexual orientation. They were just a bunch of mixed up college kids. But when one of the dearest people and greatest examples in my world said she was this way - yeah - It was HARD for me to accept.

I refused to believe she was sent to earth with those tendencies. I absolutely refused to believe it.
I spent a lot of time crying and praying for answers.

One night I had a dream and it was very simple. there were just a few words that kept repeating in my mind over and over. I woke up because this dream was so intense. the words that came to me over and over were :
"I give unto men weaknesses..."

I remembered it as a portion of a scripture mastery learned in seminary and knew I needed to look up that scripture and read it more fully..
Ether 12:27
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

There were a lot of things that hit me hard as I read. I was wrong. She was right.
She was sent here to this earth with weaknesses. But her weaknesses were for a reason. The fight she gave up was one she was meant to fight. this was for her.

I have my own struggles and weaknesses that I fight. I may not understand hers. But they are hers and mine are mine. these weaknesses and tendencies are meant for us. they make us human. they give us opportunities for growth. I often kid around that the gay people I know are some of the better educated, dynamic, influential people in this world. I do not hate them. I love the ones I know (for the most part - there are always the exceptions of course). But I look at my friends and I recognize that Satan is fighting this war with some of the best of God's people that have been convinced to quit fighting such a difficult fight they've been given. They have been convinced that peace of mind comes from giving up the inner turmoil of trying to overcome something so difficult.

I believe it was Plato that said "the greatest victory is to defeat oneself. to be defeated by oneself is of all things, most shameful and vile."


back to the Prop 8 issue -
this is a long term battle of what is believed as moral behavior and rights to worship how one chooses versus the other side that sees this as a civil rights and equal opportunities to all human kind.
it is a difficult war and will be waged for many many years. I heard one gay man state that "the war for same sex marriages being legalized will be won. It is just a matter of when."

True or false - my job is to do my part for the side I believe in.


I quote


Moro. 9: 6
"6 And now, my beloved son, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God."
In the end - Moroni did not win the battle. He died fighting it. The true victory is in ones self. The true battle is in each one of us as we choose apathy or our desire to keep on going when it seems to be lost.

so no matter which side will win - we do our part!

anyway - that is my soapbox. I love you my dear, sweet friend. But I must fight this fight against same sex marriage. it is something that may cause a rift in families and friendships but must be fought. I have tears in my eyes as I write this knowing full well that you, my dear friend, will not agree. I imagine the heartache that will come to many in the next several years and I ache.

with love...